Sam

Saturday, drink day. Or whatever.

it’s not fair that babies get to poop anywhere i wanna poop anywhere, your honor

I’m starting to think those bitches on Facebook did not pray for me

I was led to believe that more ocean liners full of rich assholes would sink into the cold ocean.

I have no patience for people who take their time crossing a crosswalk but I’ll sit all day and wait for a family of ducks to cross the road

My alt account will be me trying to be sexy mixed in with pics of various casserole dishes.

My daughter and my best friend is home from college for nine days and I’m so excited to go see The Running Man with her tomorrow, starring her future step dad.

why does the most awkward person in every sitcom seem to be based on someone like me

My career as a pro skier is going downhill fast.

Would a burnt out postpartum mom do this? *feeds prosciutto to her 10 week old baby*

Dark sarcasm keeps me alive.

i will stand for what i believe in, and i believe in sitting down

I haven’t been posting lately because looming just outside your window has been taking up too much of my time

Black and grey photo A women wearing a black top lays upon a bed with a cigarette in hand

we laid quietly
about as close to sleep as one can get life interrupted outside the windows
cigarettes dangled from our mouths replacing flesh and bone
as voyeur moon pushed aside curtains while jerking off and I love yous were tucked under hotel bibles
never to be read aloud

#brokenpoet

Plethora would be a beautiful name for quite a lot of things actually

I'm really asking a lot of these multivitamins

There are eight hobbits in a hobbyte

people who turn off comments and quote reposting are the equivalent of folks who only talk to hear themselves talk.

i’m not an aggressive driver, i identify as traffic fluid

RIP to the banger I was thinking of when falling asleep and thought for sure I would remember later

My favourite fantasy is quietly quitting my life, starting over somewhere new, and not trying to repeat all my mistakes under a prettier sky.

When you see a flock of geese migrating and there’s that one fat bird desperately flapping its wings as it lags behind, honking forlornly for the others to wait up.

That’s me that is.

me: *eating fresh mackerel* this must be what penguin tastes like

imagine not being able to use your imagination.

wrong

You can put an egg on anything and call it breakfast

I'm starting to think that this Trump fellow is not on the up and up.

Still punk as fuck I whisper as I put another log on the fire and hunker down in oodie, uggs, hat and gloves

Thanks!

Single-panel cartoon by Mark Parisi. A turkey drives a blue car up to a motel on a moonlit night. There's a raggedy old turkey silhouetted in an upstairs window. The sign says: "Baste Motel Vacancy"

A friend came up with "Democratic Darwinism: The Origins of Specious" to describe why centrists play it safe - and I had to share.