abysMEL

YouTube video by BACKWHEN EVERYST & BACKWHEN - Into the Wind

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAXW...

I guess I should really just conclude the "vent account" experiment as a massive failure, log out forever and move on... 🤷‍♀️

Somehow I actually prefer the cringe Mel that meows at work, endlessly yaps about Bookchin and transfeminism, writes bad lesbian smut, and hornyposts about Impalers from Helldivers over the person I see on here ngl...

I think I prefer being embarrassing and naive over being vile and repulsive 🫤

You either die a "manmoder" or you live long enough to see yourself becoming a toxic luckshit passoid, I guess... <___<

Isn't it ironic how boymoder me went on big tirades about passoids who somehow think they're better than other trans women despite just being luckshits...

Just to then become a luckshit passoid myself and going on rants about naive early girls...

Honestly, even scrolling through my old Reddit account I specifically made for r/4tran4 isn't as abhorrent as this one tbh... 😞

It's almost like other toxic parts of my personality fed on the corpses of all those brainworms around passing...

Scrolling through the posts here I really really don't like the person I see..

These parts of me need to be fucking purged

Apparently, when given an anonymous account with almost no self-imposed restrictions, I just revert to full bitterhon-mode.

I really don't like that tbh... 😒

Also I clearly suffer from BPD identity fragmentation so when those strong emotions modify my beliefs I'm pretty likely to say things that I'll regret later... And when that regret and shame over what I said hits it can pull me right into another negative emotion... 😣

I guess the problem with venting is that in order to put emotions into words you need to give them a lot of room, which is exactly what my therapist told me I'm not supposed to do 🫤

If only you knew how bad things really are

>You're a troll, there's no way your mental health is actually that bad

I wish...

Just more proof of the fact that BPD is a shameful part of me that always needs to be masked to the best of my abilities otherwise people won't see me as an actual person anymore...

Honestly, I'm actually quite upset that those arguments, which I believe were pretty sane and reasonably well thought out, were dismissed on the basis that I am unfortunately otherwise pretty mentally ill.... Yeah that does bother me a lot ngl <____<

Further proof that this account is in fact a net detriment to me... 😣

bsky.app/profile/abys...

Arguing with people and posting about SH just doesn't mix... and I know that, that's specifically why I made this vent account.

Idk why I did that...

No, I don't regret what I said, quite the contrary, but I'm not happy that I impulsively violated my own rules for this account again... 🫤

Yes, I have BPD, I am in therapy, therapy is not really working, and yes I'm an alt account as indicated by my pinned post...

And none of that is actually relevant to the arguments I made earlier...

bsky.app/profile/abys...

But I've seen these arguments before and I know exactly what kind of point you're actually trying to make here

You're trying to make passing binary transsex women out to be some kind of oppressor group inside the transgender umbrella, because we're supposedly "more privileged" and "less radical"

Huh, I never said it's not real tho...??

Why would I use a term from Whipping Girl, specifically from the chapter where Serano talks about the concept and says it's real, to make my point about how it's not real? That wouldn't make any sense right? 😭

Also trans women are especially targeted by the reactionary right because we actually are particularly disruptive to the patriarchy.

In the eyes of the misogynists, wanting to be a woman and relinquishing the supposedly superior male role is something that requires a particularly extreme punishment

Temporary cissexual privilege through passing is basically worthless when your existence is directly attacked by the fascist state...

Sorry but, I'm unfortunately dysphoric so if take away my HRT I'll just die... and not getting clocked in the street won't do anything to stop that 🤷‍♀️

Oh, and fuck capitalism too ofc >____>

Well, ok, let's be real, cis women get punished for that too...

OMGGG... I FUCKING HATE THIS SOCIETY!!

Fuck patriarchy! <_____<

I just want to be a woman... why is this wretched society so hell-bent on punishing me for that? 😞

Yes, I was wrong for going after other trans people instead of the real root cause of the issue yesterday... I know...

I just really struggled to cope with all that shame and I went too far, sorry 😣

I'm aware my trans shame is malignant rot and blights my entire personality 😖

I've tried for quite a while to shake it off but it's really difficult when I'm constantly confronted with the reality that many people really do think think I'm subhuman degenerate filth who should be purged from society

Look, one problem with being marginalized is that bigots stigmatize the whole group based on the questionable behavior of a few individuals...

And even though the bigots are fundamentally to blame, seeing those behaviors does invoke feelings of shame in others in the group 🫤

YouTube video by niplet Nihigo - angelic w/ nunashi

youtu.be/JzrxzyywS7Q <3

I guess when your personality is just rotten to the fucking core being real becomes a nasty character flaw... 🫤

Tbh, I'm starting to realize that venting doesn't actually serve me...

This account seems to just bring out the worst sides of me and feed my darkest impulses, without providing any actual benefit.