Bestie (aka Freya) and my girl Ursula would like to wish you a merry cheesemas.
Something is fundamentally wrong with America when millions of dollars can’t buy you a Wisconsin Supreme Court seat, the respect of your children, the silence of your baby mammas, or a functional penis implant.
Nigel said I don’t have to clean the house if I don’t want to.
It’s been my go-to recently, that’s for sure.
No one’s gonna cross oceans of time to find me, let’s be real.
It’s my sweet Ursula’s third gotcha day (she’ll be 5 in April) and I do not know how I would have survived the last three years without her.
Yeah I sat down in my PCP’s office last month and said OKAY, HOW FAST CAN I CRAM HOW MANY VACCINATIONS INTO MYSELF, FRIENDO?
Eh, joining the military means access to better weaponry when the revolution comes, so maybe I’ll stick that possibility on the list. 🤷🏻♀️
(My favorite aunt had polio as a kid and was in the hospital for an insanely long time, I am OFFENDED by the shit that’s about to go down here. And I was born just after they stopped doing routine smallpox vax in the US).
Anyone know where to get vaccinated for smallpox? Because I have made the mistake of reading The Demon in the Freezer multiple times, and that shit scares me as much as Ebola.
Me getting my shingles vaccine last night: oooh, they have polio vaccines, too? Think I might get one when I go back for Shingrix round two, as a treat.
If you can't love yourself, how are you going to trick someone else into loving you
This goes out to the friend who rescued me that night, and completely made up for my idiot boyfriend ruining the holiday. I’ll never forget it.
Twenty five years ago today I had tickets to see Morrissey in Akron.
On Valentine’s Day.
IN THE RAIN. (really)
However, my then-boyfriend opted to take a club gig (he was a DJ) and ditch me instead.
Thank you for this, Abby. I needed this reminder today for a variety of reasons.
If you somehow had a one-night-stand with Paul Hollywood, how bummed would you be if you didn’t get a handshake afterwards?
Well I didn’t know I needed this in my life until RIGHT NOW.
Michael Stipe, come back here and answer for your lies! I DO NOT FEEL FINE. Not at ALL.
Oh well that’s because of DEI, obviously. 🤦🏻♀️ #sarcasm
ME: *sits at desk and works* Just focus. Just focus. Don't look around. Do NOT look around.
THE NEWS:
I got an award today I didn’t even know I’d won so that was pretty cool.
I mean, this seem bad but what do I know? Because vagina.
This was never going to be a one day project now that you have to assemble the Ivar uprights yourself. 🤦🏻♀️
What dumbass bought a room’s worth of IKEA Ivar shelving and forgot to get the damn cross braces? That’d be me, yep. So back we go tomorrow… another two hour drive.
“I’ll move to Cleveland when you get that IKEA… never!”
—Liz Lemon
This is a sewing pattern. It is also a page from a late 14th century manuscript that is one of two primary sources for an important Icelandic saga (Sturlunga saga), but that was probably not important to the 17th century person who really needed a sewing pattern.
#upcycling
That was the intention. ❤️ Here, have a few more.
Thought you might enjoy a sleepy Ursula today.
…I laughed so hard when I read this. I couldn’t help myself.
