charles r. davis

the spiders in my house have filed a class action lawsuit against me??? for systemic sexual harassment in my studio apartment????

sometimes i think my friends don't love their dogs enough and i start planning a cask of amontillado type situation to take their dogs

all my friends and family on the east coast get to experience a crazy weather event but i'm stuck with pleasant, moderate temperatures all week :(((

save me, michelle obama

idk i just feel like if a 6'7" man crushed me with his body it would solve A LOT of my problems right now

no but i did accidentally download it and it took me forever to figure out how to get rid of it lol

ruined the gay hang because my tv can only stream byutv :(

YOU would know 😐

gays guy be like, "sex in a bed with clean sheets? no, no, no i much prefer a port-a-potty next to an abandoned kmart"

being gay is being a prisoner to your own mind

girl i'm bored let's plan a master heist and disappear into anonymity

and snoopy? well he's just a lil guy :3

catbert is a NAZI. heathcliff is ANTIFA. garfield is GAY.

he said he was a "vers top," but one truth WILL prevail

sometimes they do the sad vocal version of it when the murderer is sympathetic!

YouTube video by Katsuo Ohno - Topic Detective Conan Main Theme (Captured In Her Eyes Version)

ohh i was talking about the recurring wrap up one but that opening with conan voguing is so good youtu.be/7EYcOntuD7s?...

the detective conan main theme is soooo good i still listen to it to get amped up sometimes

i was actually first inspired by conan edogawa 🤓

i just like putting clues together and solving mysteries is that so bad 🥺

tinder guy asked me what my job was and i said, "boy detective" and he immediately unmatched with me

i am absolutely begging the universe to demonstrate that the arc of history bends towards justice rn

just hope the ditzy girl i work with doesn't discover that i fed her abusive bf to the plant in a somewhat morally dubious way

sooo i found this weird talking plant and it got a little buzz on the radio and news and now the rose bowl parade wants us to do the flowers for every float and liiiike we are a little shop in the lower east side but whatever we'll try our best 🤷

🙄 as if a pathetic nobody like you could gather enough spirit aeons to even access the portal to the void where my new ethereal form rests

them: you're evil, you're a villain!

me (wearing a really long cape and my hair is silver now and idk i have like a lobster claw too or smthn): naive fools.... i am simply saving you from experiencing the pain that made me this way *laughs tragically*

other gays: my resolutions are to get in better shape, spend more time with my friends, and lower my screentime

me: my resolution is to steal the five crystals maintaining our reality's balance so that i can rewrite the universe in my image and create a world devoid of darkness

this year i resolve to live, to laugh, and, most importantly, to love

my dad was a piece of shit to us this holiday so i am stealing one of his favorite dachshund figurines

me (32) currently sobbing into the same pillow i did at 13 and realizing time is a flat, cruel circle

oomf is so hot and i need him carnally