You know you ordered way too much fucking food for yourself when the Chinese restaurant gives you four fortune cookies.
05.03.2026 02:12 — 👍 203 🔁 56 💬 7 📌 0You know you ordered way too much fucking food for yourself when the Chinese restaurant gives you four fortune cookies.
05.03.2026 02:12 — 👍 203 🔁 56 💬 7 📌 0ChatGPT told me you've been asking about some weird shit.
05.03.2026 03:26 — 👍 64 🔁 28 💬 0 📌 0Writing a folk song about her gastrointestinal issues isn't the panty dropper you'd think it'd be.
05.03.2026 12:29 — 👍 61 🔁 25 💬 2 📌 0Do you think they gave Britney a breathalyzer or just viewed her last social media post?
06.03.2026 12:06 — 👍 40 🔁 14 💬 2 📌 0Who among us doesn't want bolder brows?
06.03.2026 13:06 — 👍 56 🔁 31 💬 5 📌 0Found a faded five dollar bill in the pocket of my jeans so yes I'm guilty of money laundering.
06.12.2025 03:10 — 👍 210 🔁 58 💬 4 📌 0
05.03.2026 15:08 —
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please accept my sincerest oopsie daises
05.03.2026 14:13 — 👍 141 🔁 69 💬 1 📌 0Feed me Seymour!
05.03.2026 15:11 — 👍 11 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0During the work day? Awake? 👀
05.03.2026 06:55 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0💀
04.03.2026 16:15 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Ground control to how's your mom?
04.03.2026 15:29 — 👍 91 🔁 33 💬 2 📌 0
Spanish PM Sánchez responds to Trump:
"Spain is against this disaster... Govts are here to improve people's lives... It is absolutely unacceptable that those leaders who are unable to fulfill that mission use the smoke of war to hide their failure, and in the process, fill the pockets of a few."
Find out where he works and send it to his boss…
04.03.2026 15:57 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
I would do anything for love…
Just kidding. Love is stupid.
Brain fog, like the one from the movie THAT KILLS YOU
04.03.2026 15:32 — 👍 14 🔁 3 💬 0 📌 0I have ceased to inhale quite a few times today
04.03.2026 15:31 — 👍 15 🔁 3 💬 1 📌 0hey, thanks for following, you will regret it
02.09.2025 03:01 — 👍 500 🔁 243 💬 0 📌 1This is me this week too omg 😩🫠
04.03.2026 15:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I was a teenager when “Go to your room” was a punishment and not the same as saying “Go to your arcade/shopping mall/video chat room/infinite music and video library/recording booth/photo studio.”
02.03.2026 23:04 — 👍 172 🔁 51 💬 6 📌 0
Text your husband "I know your secret" and he'll bring you so many presents!
You don't even need to know what the secret is!
Just checking in to make sure everything is still stupid.
04.03.2026 13:48 — 👍 837 🔁 90 💬 164 📌 9My flight has a crying baby a few rows back and two guys next to me talking about online gambling. I've asked the attendant if I can sit closer to the baby.
04.03.2026 14:55 — 👍 171 🔁 45 💬 2 📌 0I accidentally sent a wink emoji after telling a guy I'm sorry for the loss of his wife. Now I have to sleep with him.
04.03.2026 15:28 — 👍 187 🔁 51 💬 8 📌 1Just because you can father children way into your golden years… IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD.
04.03.2026 15:28 — 👍 20 🔁 2 💬 1 📌 0The Dow is now WAY below 50,000. Release all the Epstein files, Pam.
03.03.2026 16:22 — 👍 16419 🔁 3750 💬 241 📌 94I don’t mean to be nosy, but what the fuck??
04.03.2026 15:18 — 👍 87 🔁 22 💬 7 📌 0At my age. “Cortisol” is my middle name.
04.03.2026 15:26 — 👍 13 🔁 4 💬 0 📌 0🤣
04.03.2026 15:24 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Nothing screams engagement farming quite like a “be honest” question.
04.03.2026 15:24 — 👍 15 🔁 9 💬 0 📌 0
