Someone at work has shaved his beard off, leaving just the tache and he looks exactly like the Joris Bohnson guy
telling cold callers 'you sound like a juicy boy, please continue'
💔Bud Cort 1948 – 2026
[rolling my eyes at the waiter]; fine i'll rub my own feet
the eyes are the binbag of the soul
interviewer: jocelyn in chicago wants to know what is your birthstone?
tim minchin [suddenly looking up and locking eyes after a full minute licking his fingers then smoothing his toe hair]: humanity
changing my surname to Minaj then rolling my eyes and saying 'not this again' when asked if I'm any relation
your parents explaining that mum's pregnant and they think the baby should have your name (because it's such a cool name) and you have to choose another one.
🎵there's nothing i can say
your toe nearly slipped up my arse🎶
just heard someone on the radio say "Starmer's got what it takes" now I've got this guy saying it on a loop in my head, I'm trying to get ready for work
www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0wD...
remember to get your 5 a day
jfc
Seen a few people recently saying there are too many podcasts, which I completely get, but it doesn’t seem to be something people say about music, art, books etc etc.
Anyway, it’s there, and it’s free, and nobody’s forcing you to listen to it, but also do please listen to it.
Gary Barlow: thanks for your input guys but I think we'll stick with 'magic'
it's fine if you steal my jokes btw, everyone should feel this funny at least once in their lives
a trailblazer in so many ways, none more important than this
why yes i did live inside a tombola for a while why do you ask
gonna start signing my posts SR at the end so you know it's me not one of my team
SR
'Terrible News Karaoke'
contestants sing along to a popular backing track while the host whispers devastating personal news into their earpiece
this is about me selling your car while you were in hospital isn't it
i think booksellers should have to read you a bit while you make your mind up
a pair of cowboy boots pokes out through my wardrobe door and at night i tell myself it's daryl hall keeping me safe while i sleep
business deals should be conducted while slow dancing and if translators are required then they must dance too
Radio for Small Prophets fans
Pearce Quigley: put-upon caretaker, Plum House www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand...
Mackenzie Crook: hapless store manager, North by Northamptonshire www.penguin.co.uk/books/442786...
Michael Palin: signalman-poet, John Finnemore's Double Acts www.penguin.co.uk/books/435124...
every mfer gonna be saying homunculus for the next 6 months is it
they said it couldn't be done but it turns out they just meant safely
brighten up a trip to the shop by getting them to throw the change into your mouth
screaming where has your mouth gone where has your mouth gone whenever someone turns their head away
thinking all my thoughts in my sleep then opening my mouth each morning and hearing what they are
Refusing to open my mouth at the rap battle, just staring and smiling at my opponent until he concedes
