Mike Johnson

You can use a glove? Usually with Trump and balls they just go right in my throat

To that bitch who called me on C-Span, hope you're ready for Pam to track you down for making me look bad (which is a crime)

Her meeting with Kim Jung Un wasn't real, but her love of killing puppies is 🔫🇺🇸🐘

Senator this is wrong!

Kooky Kristi is just cosplaying as a "person" . . . we have RFK still trying to study what exactly "it" is, but he's been busy sexting some journalist while Cheryl Hines loudly weeps.

You also don't usually ponder whether to pardon a person convicted of trafficking children for sex 🐘🇺🇸

a man says " fart noises " in front of a shelf of toys ALT: a man says " fart noises " in front of a shelf of toys

I have her answer.

Glad we all agree that an oversight hearing about transparency can just be an exercise in proving that Pam can read the same talking points like a malfunctioning children's toy.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Do not worry about what's in my closet!

As an American citizen I have a right to privacy and whatever I want to keep in my closet - seriously scandalous boners, my sexuality, and a gimp outfit - should remain between myself, God, and 5-8 sailors I met on Grindr

Now just let us impose martial law

What day was this photo taken?

Trying to figure out if I got that from eating his ass, garbling his balls, or when we shared post-coital Cheetos in the Queens' Bedroom (since I'll always be his 👸)

This is why I use Grindr

Pam Bondi loves re-using the same talking points as much as these Democrats hate Donald Trump.

Also, why do people keep asking about Homan's $50k? Whom amongst us have not gifted an acquaintance the equivalent of the yearly salary for some Americans?

Trump and allies plot revenge, Justice Department control in a second term Washington Post

He's been planning this since 2013.

Just like these protests aren't a "rebellion," this deployment of troops isn't for safety it's to instill fear.

Trump and allies plot revenge, Justice Department control in a second term Washington Post

Does anyone remember when Steve Bannon, in 2013, said Trump was going to invoke the Insurrection Act to use the military to target protestors?

How about you answer the important questions!

1. Are they cute?
2. Should I fly there right now - I'm not busy, actually took the week off lol

Yeah, I'd try to keep the human equivalent of a curse away from the Cubs too

a woman sits at a desk in a classroom with a mgm logo on the bottom ALT: a woman sits at a desk in a classroom with a mgm logo on the bottom

Please do not give her a new idea of what to dress up as; she would forever ruin Legally Blonde for me if she wanted to play pretend lawyer and that movie is too precious to me.

Lies!

I have spent my entire career with my eyes locked on either political polls or the bulge in guys' photos on Grindr to determine whether they have a pole that can drain my swamp. Hell, I even have an "ick" against Polish people and believe I can pick them out of a lineup.

I'm just going to ignore the word "bear" before I share this story with my constituents.

At such a tenuous time of political violence, how dare you attribute this attack to guys that I match with on Grindr instead of just blaming it on a color that's not white?

#FakeNews #BendOverForBears 🇺🇸🐻🦅🐘💦

Everybody* is working for the weekend!

*Except for all of the federal employees that Trump/Vought have already fired or furloughed - they are either working for free or not working** at all.

**These individuals will not be included in the new jobs data report because it will look bad for us.

Fuck. This was supposed to be a DM. Please delete.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Is this your way of asking if I'm free tonight 😉 You can treat me like my gavel and just bang away

I blame all these selfish sick people who want access to medical care.

How about you just stop getting sick? Or, better yet, listen to RFK's medical advice and die from an incurable disease already!

I put up a sign that said its the Democrats fault, why won't you just accept the lie like Fox News?

Shut. Down. Government. #TeamGOP

No need to thank me. Just register to vote!

I thought we were friends 💔

They wouldn't even do this in North Korea. And Kristi Noem can speak from first hand experience about that - just don't ask her about that experience mentioned in her memoir because she won't talk about it.

Shit. This was supposed to be a DM. How do I make this a DM.

Please, someone help.

I can't believe you're on Grindr! The things I would do for you to shove a lightsaber up my ass and destroy me like you did to the womp rats on Tatooine 😘

How dare you question the ethics of a man who introduced his cousin David to heroin, who caused a measles outbreak in Samoa, and who sexted the journalist writing an article about him despite being a good, married Christian.