Catfishing is lame until you view it as the modern equivalent of being a Siren
Going to an Indian restaurant and asking for a ‘chai tea’ just to feel something
About 1 in every 8192 people’s very first starter Pokemon was a shiny.
Sonic the hedgehog’s personality being based on Bill Clinton is one of the only times I’ve legitimately felt the need to fact check Wikipedia
Bark no homo
When you rip your jeans they get more holes, but when you rip fishnets they get less holes
Can I give a dog body dysmorphia by putting them in VR as a jacked furry?
You know how gay people often end up dating people that look like them? Well if you want to find yours a fast easy way is going on your barber’s instagram and looking through their followers and flirting with them.
Crazy how Tentacles can fit into every fantasy genre.
Instead of hearing protection I’ve starting opening a settings menu in my head and turning down the master volume slider as a placebo
If I put activated charcoal into holy water will it become normal water?
I could be your next skincare routine
Waking up as a giant insect nowadays just doesn’t hit like it used to back in 1915. “oh no I hope I am not neglected by society in my new grotesque bo-.” Yeah shut up and get in the fake taxi.
They really need to invent more deadly sins, I tried them all already
I ate the Reaper from Dave’s hot after Steamworks before realizing I couldn’t drink milk without it interfering with my Doxypep.
Do I drink the milk? Do I choose burning when I poo or do I choose burning when I pee?
How do I tip a circumcised guy at the strip club? Like where do I tuck the dollar bills
god you’re so mentally ill *starts fondling your balls*
Hemorrhoids are like the clitoris of the bussy if the clitoris got Botox
We should be friends!
My type I’m afraid
I’m going to dethrone coffee mate as America’s #1 creamer
Gonna start one of those dine-in movies where they serve you the food in the movie as it comes on screen, but it’s porn and you get to lick the actors.
may I offer you some extra toe hair in these trying times
Call me the US Patriot Act the way your Bush has got me putting on a show at TSA
Getting caged is like the opposite of getting fixed.
“A Bear?”
Me: puts on my baseball cap, cumming instantly
“Kugel the Bear!”
I found a new lighting hack. Body dysmorphia cancelled
Call me Moses the way I’m fixated on your hot bush
Damn daddy are you Italy in the 1940s 😏 because you have no concept of boundaries
Considering changing career paths to pipette manufacturing so I can make good tips
