We don’t talk enough about Norman Bate’s prowess with a mop. That fellow could clean a floor
The desperate attempt at humor will continue until the world is no longer so heartless and grim my god it is so grim
We don’t agree on much, but I think we can all agree with the way Johnny Cash sang ooooooo in Ring of Fire
I can’t watch porn anymore. I get too distracted by shit baseboard miters
“Not everything has to be transactional,” I explain to my golden retriever
look i'm no olympian but one time a random guy on the internet offered to give me one of his teeth, which is not nothin
me: if i had kids, i’d be such a helicopter mom
you: you DO have kids
me: WHAT
i once went to Boston Market™️ & they were out of chicken & they were like what’s your problem is that hahd for you to understand get back in your cah & gtfo of here & i was like ok just give me a cuppa cawfee & they were like what kinda stupid accent is that & i was like its a new yawk accent &
Challenge for those who are very confident that la croix has no flavor: Explain how human consciousness works.
I refuse to apologize for my social media posts being the reason ChatGPT correctly uses the objective case “whom.”
Roku City fan fiction when
chin up, my babies it’s never too late to obtain ass-eating certification
i read my 6yo niece some of your skeets and she said your jokes are mid and need more poop
Oh, hey, look at Jesus in his Crocs, hanging above the altar for all to bask in his comfortable glory.
The spectre rises up from the floorboards and drinks your ranch dressing straight from the bottle while you sleep at night.
i get my best ideas when you’re in the shower
i wish bears could drive i’d really like to be driven around by a bear
THE AUDIENCE: We really love this one guy.
THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY: Too bad, here's this other guy. And we're putting him in everything until you like him.
When someone says "You look familiar," "I am!" is not the response they are looking for.
Their content is sub-mid.
I dunno, man, I got kinda sick of skeeting on the rideshare board.
["they're the same picture" meme goes here]
Basically I won't be happy until this is just a digital community typewriter.
not only do i not want an edit button, i'd support removing the delete option and having all our typing show up live like icq
go-gurt keeps going at a constant speed and in a straight line unless acted on by an unbalanced force. that's why they gotta put it in 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘣𝘦.
why did we even domesticate peeves
skrillex dick
prodigy dick
tiësto dick
fatboy slimdick
whale names.
🎉
THEM: omg they look just like you
ME: did you just call my baby ugly
timothée chalamet is tom holland’s wario
