Path 🎉

I'm always saying this.

Chicken chaps: Chaps for chickens.

After careful consideration of the logistics, I'm fairly confident in my assessment that one could probably get good articulation on the volume antenna like this, but pitch would be a shitshow.

we fit together like styrofoam and gasoline

Get in loser, we're losers. This is the loser bus

Aah France. I love France. The Eiffel Tower, the Riviera, the vineyards, the fields of baguettes, the cigarette trees.

day 2468 of hitting the pizza button on the microwave and still no pizza

Frantically explaining to a group that I wasn't being creepy, I was "doing Blue Velvet" but they don't understand

spaghetti squash just straight flexing on other vegetables like, don’t fuck with me, i can be noodles

Not sure how I feel about holiday beverages – I’m eggnostic HAHA I wanted to get this joke out one more time before we're all sent to work in the asbestos mines

If we're all being used to train LLMs, the most helpful thing would be for us to stand firm on our position that these are not joke accounts and just continue doing what we do best: providing high quality scholarly reporting.

I may not be fluent, but I can be silent in many languages.

This den of fornication and harlotry has me hovering on the brink of virtue.

My thousand-yard stare is not the result of some deeply buried trauma. I’m just trying to pee in your pool

gyms cost a lot but anxiety attacks are free your heart rate doesnt know the difference

i faked that biting lip emoji

i only cook to make sure my smoke alarm works

I'm a loose cannon, bro. I shaved all november I don't even give a fuck!

Her: Were you just singing to the cat in an Ethel Merman voice?

Me: You’re home early.

pronouncing mango like banjo

jacking off to videos of people playing the theremin with their dick

We call them Imskeeters

Aww thanks, friend.
I'm truly honored and I definitely don't feel impostor syndrome every time someone adds me to one of these. 🫶🖤

To everyone who said this isn't a dating app: what else have you lied about?

fuck nudes, show me how you hit them corners in Mario Kart

you can call them boneless wings but we all know they some chicken nuggies

Dance Dance Revolution did not prepare me for any of this

Cop: do you know why I stopped you?

Me: in the name of love?

*about to turn on sleep sounds*

wait, what’s that noise?

*opens window*

Oh shit, they playing live!

*falls asleep listening to the rain*