Mikel Reparaz

These are, no shit, how I learned roughly 90% of what (little) I know about Jungian psychology

GRACE:[Dumps 20 bullets into a single zombie’s skull while doing ASMR panic play] fuhhhh
LEON: [matrix dodge into a bicycle kick while demolishing an entire room of undead waiters] Uh, check please.

My theory for how this happened: someone set an English script to be read by a Spanish-speaking text-to-speech voice, assumed that meant it would be automatically translated “by AI,” and didn’t check. The “tres” probably happened because the script used numerals instead of writing out numbers.

The Thing on the Disney Princess CRT!

Dustin the dresser opossum, hissing

Mfw I misspell “opossum”

I am currently punching Ditchlings and chatting up oppossums on my second playthrough

A few hints for the rest:

The internet is extremely horny for one of its villains

You can cook apples with a torch

The title is what you’re ordered to do to the woman

The statues move and are very large

Super Castlevania IV (although my pick would be almost any Castlevania, really)

a pixel art of a man holding a chain in a game ALT: a pixel art of a man holding a chain in a game

Close

Aw dang, how’d I forget “Kid with terminal illness finds the best spots to stab statues”

Also just realized Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom are both about a woman who has her shit together but still ends up waiting around for her boyfriend who is chronically late thanks to severe ADHD

OK one more:

Knife-wielding monster encounters basement-dwelling woman, hilarity ensues

Depending on who you’re playing, the first two could describe the same game

(Realizing that second one could have more succinctly been “sailor with severe alcoholism joins murder cult”)

Person discovers they’re really a dragon, spends all their time doing unrelated stuff

Impatient American travels to rural Eastern Europe to reconnect with his daughter, preferably in 3 hours or less

Guy oversleeps and wanders around to put off a meeting with the girlfriend he hasn’t seen in years

Describe your favorite games poorly:

Whip-play enthusiast visits aristocratic shut-in

Enterprising sailor finds fortune and disrupts nascent surveillance state while indulging passion for parkour

Disabled veterans attempt to establish a business and scout fresh talent in Afghanistan

Mmm, broccamole

Has this joke been done yet

@wikiparaz.bsky.social , I still can’t watch a single Reds game without thinking about this doofus.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

A screenshot from the two-player intro to Double Dragon III (NES) shows Jimmy and Billy Lee posing above the caption “A YEAR HAS PASSED SINCE BIMMY AND JIMMY DEFEATED THE SHADOW WARRIORS.”

Also incredible that they’re still referencing this ridiculous old typo

Burnout 3 is underrated as one of the very, very best games of all time because you can show Burnout 3 footage to people two decades later and their reaction will still be "hell yeah, this rules. I wanna play this right now."

Same, for a very long time

Also, I never realized until looking up this page that she’s wearing Dr. Strange’s costume (sans cape)

thank you for the pity like

The Mad Max: Fury Road “that’s bait” reaction meme image except it says “that’s Chappie” in big Impact font, ho ho, how droll this juxtaposition of commonly recognized images and phrases

is this anything

A seven-panel page from an issue of Marvel’s Excalibur PANEL 1: Meggan, taking the form of a deceased Kitty Pryde, points accusingly at a furious Magik, and says: “NIGHTCRAWLER IS HERE: YOU WON'T SUCCEED IN ENSLAVING HIM OR PHOENIX OR PROFESSOR STUART-- ANYMORE THAN YOU DID IN MURDERING ME. SO YOU COULD GAIN CONTROL OF MY EMPIRE.” PANEL 2: Magik, wearing Dr. Strange’s costume, blasts Meggan with a purple beam, and yells: “WANNA BET?! I BUILT THAT EMPIRE, SWEETIE — EVEN IF YOU HOGGED ALL THE CREDIT— IT’S MINE BY RIGHT!” Meggan: AEEE! PANEL 3: The Judge Dredd-inspired Justicer Bull and another Justicer shoot Magik multiple times in the back. Bull says: “AS IS THE PUNISHMENT, LAWBREAKER, FOR SUCH CAPITAL CRIMES!” PANEL 4: Magik turns around, a Cryptkeeper-looking grin on her face. Her torso, cloaked in shadow, appears to have been torn open by exit wounds. She says: “Ow! THIS MEAN, JUSTY... WE AIN’T PALS NO MORE?” PANEL 5: Magik pulls at the skin on her face and plunges a hand into her front torso, saying: “AIN'T THAT A CRYING SHAME! TOO BAD— FOR YOU—“ PANEL 6: Magik, standing just off-panel, appears to rip Her face off with a spray of purple blood. The Justicers look on, horrified. Magik says: “—THE DARK-CHILDE… DOESN’T DIE…” PANEL 7: A towering purple demon stands in Magik’s place, covered in fur and with massive curved horns. It says “—QUITE LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!” as Justicer Bull opens fire, uselessly.

I only really know about her evil Judge-Dredd-inspired-alternate-universe version from late-‘80s Excalibur (who kills her partner in crime Kitty Pryde), but these last four panels have been burned into my mind for decades.

A WWII German officer holds a WWI trench knife in front of captured American soldier Roland Weary in a panel from Slaughterhouse-Five: The Graphic Novel by Kurt Vonnegut, Ryan North, and Albert Monteys. He says (in German): «Nice playthings you have here. You'd like to use this on me, eh? Tear my face off with the spiked Knuckles, stick the blade in my belly and throat?> A caption at the bottom of the panel reads: And Billy and Weary understood no German.

Didn’t do Roland Weary any good