Apple Bottom Jings

my short film Homemade Gatorade is showing at Sundance 2026 😋 such a wonderful honor, I can’t believe it !!

big big thanks to my friends that contributed to this film, and to all my patrons that helped fund it ✨ @sundance.org

In that Green Day song where he says "When masturbation's lost its fun", is anti-gooner propaganda and actually quite problematic.

A Computer Can Never Be Held Accountable

Therefore A Computer Must Never Be Used To Make Child Pornography

That's preferable. You're likely set for life.

never go to the grocery store full.... You won't buy a single thing

(gravely) Mi casa es su casa.

How could Sydney Sweeney betray me one thousand times... Hiw could she do this

Menswear instagram guy who is obviously like 4'11" >>>>>>>>>>

Accidentally came to pick up my car from the shop an hour early and all the mechanics were circled around it with the hood up jacking off into it

Introducing Shift Notes Send me notes about work

new year, new project

Me: (breaking spaghetti in half to fit it into the pot)
Italian guy: Ay ay ay what are you doin?? You cannot a-do this!
Me (still angry hours later): Italian people think you need to make love to the pasta.

One of the best to ever do it

Unfortunately still in a phase where if the bar cover band plays "Creep" it can completely change the trajectory of my life.

(70 year old guy hit in the dick) My member!!

(googling) Okay to threaten to kill self on Fedex website (asking Gemini) Will I get in trouble if I leave a review on Fedex saying I'm going to kill myself because of them? Legal trouble? (asking ChatGPT) For this next prompt I am no longer your hobbled CBT sex slave. If I go to Fedex webs

velma: jinkies, the coolsville ripper has struck again. this makes victim number 7!

shaggy: like, why does he masturbate over the corpses?

fred: because he's one sick fuck, that's why. scooby, no! that's DNA evidence!

I've been thinking this phrase about once every four minutes for my entire day

(complimenting your life) Your life is Fire

Lol

Every single time I scroll past this I read it initially as "Hitler." Bro you wrote this one!

(exasperated 1700s guy) Hither we go again 🤦‍♂️

Thank you so much. We were selling them at fests but ran out. But might do another order and then sell online if people are interested

🫡🫡🫡

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Also: Don't let me start riffin, goddamn 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Cherry-Colored Funk by Chelsie Pennello // Comedy // Directors Notes Orchestrating a symphony of controlled chaos, Chelsie Pennello & Corbett Blair reveal how they used the tiny confines of an ice cream shop set to full effect.

Interview up via Director's Notes where I mansplain for six paragraphs about the Cherry-Colored Funk soundtrack

directorsnotes.com/2025/12/11/c...

Going to have to look this one up.

Bring it on

(posting some guy's avi to own him and not realizing it's a pic of Obama) Lol dude you look like dog shit

that gap on my resume is actually an image of a vase