Lucy Porter

There's too many #glasto channels. Someone will say "loving Max Geldray on the Poppyfield stage" and then I have to spend five minutes checking BBCs One, Two, Three, Four, plus eight online feeds - one of which is currently showing Radiohead from 1997. I feel like a Gallery Producer losing his grip.

Big shop space with second hand clothes and crafts

I always find something new to love when I come to Bristol, and this time it’s that they’ve made a second hand clothes/ craft/ art space in the old M&S. Reminds me of Afflecks Palace in Manchester when I was a youngster. sparksbristol.co.uk

Not even contemplating moving to Bristol by the way, just doing the perfectly normal Rightmove snooping I do everywhere I visit.

Our daughter was born only a few days after we moved into Islington road …

Our Aga is the cosy heart of our home …

This house has been a labour of love …

From the sitting in the oasis of a garden eating ice cream from Tarr’s …

This Bristol estate agent is bringing ‘internet recipe blogger’ energy to its listings. It’s very sweet, but I really just want to know how many toilets there are

Bernard the cat asleep on his favourite furry throw.

Bernard in the garden on his hind legs in combat with a fly

Bernard asleep on an office chair in the sunshine

Sleep, box like a gentleman (Queensberry Rules, opponent - a fly), then sleep a bit more. Our cat Bernard is living the life of a Victorian opium addict.

Various discussions of embroidery hoops, like “my favourite hoop”, “biggest hoop I’ve ever worked on”, “what’s the best hoop for display purposes?”, “how to get rid of hoop burns”, “the fabric keeps slipping in my hoop” etc.

I’m so old that I’m getting into embroidery, but equally, I’m so immature that when people talk about their hoops, I presume they’re talking about their bumholes.

Is Lady Marmalade from the Moulin Rouge song Paddington’s girlfriend

Bottle of kitchen cleaner with the slogan “spray, wipe, done”

Finally, the male equivalent of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’

Everyone used to write down what was on #totp every week right? With little drawings depicting what you thought of the song?
And for obvious reasons this episode from 1979 won’t be shown on telly……

"Everyone else in this class uses the front door, while you fall in backwards through the upstairs window. I pray to St. Jude every time I open your homework." - my high school maths teacher on my general aptitude for numbers.

I was expelled. That was pretty bad feedback

Introduce yourself with your worst feedback from school:

“Lazy, disinterested and content to do only the minimum”

From my PE teacher. I think she meant “uninterested” but other than that it’s all still true.

Well, might as well start porting these over.

🎭 Dramatic Monologue: 'S Club Party' by S Club 7

IPA
M People
LPGA
URL

The connection.

Heard my husband singing softly in the other room, thought he was serenading the cats, but he was doing this:

They’re always trying to scam me. Won’t get fooled again!

Anti phone theft poster, text reads: who apostrophe s eyes are on your phone?

Wasn’t sure if this should be “who’s” or “whose” so, naturally, I got out my phone to check …

- Excuse me, what's the difference between the chicken strip meal and the chicken Möbius strip meal?

- The chicken strip meal comes with two sides...

- Hello, RSPCA.
- Hello. There's a polecat clinging to my ceiling fan.
- I don't believe you.
- Well you'll have to take my whirred ferret.

Actors who can cure my lisp?
I'm pretty sure Anne Hathaway but I'm going to ask Colin Firth.

Cover of Dallergut Dream Department Store by Miye Lee, translated by Sandy Joosun Lee. A picture of a department store with a rainbow on top saying “the dream you ordered is sold out” and various customers and dreams depicted around the building.

This is what I’m reading right now. 3 chapters in. Delightful so far.

This is Appa, our eldest’s stray who came in from the cold about 5 years ago. She’s around 12-14 years old and likes to hide in the bottom of our wardrobe when she visits

Tuxedo cat staring malevolently through a window

Tuxedo cat lying on a bed with gay abandon, paws in the air

Tuxedo cat sitting in a box of cat food

Hello. I’m Lucy, this is Bernard. He came to us as a scruffy but rakishly charming stray. He stared at us through the window and wouldn’t budge. Our other two cats eventually allowed him in. Now he sleeps with his tummy on full display and guards our boxes of cat food for us.