Keith Edwards

Groucho Marx’s next door neighbor was Alice Cooper. Groucho suffered terrible insomnia so Alice would go over with a six pack of beer and listen to him tell stories and they’d drink til Groucho fell asleep.

This is right in line with last week’s all call meeting where they told the generals they all suck and then told them to get ready to fight civil war 2 for the love of being manly and having heart eyes for Trump.

Boost your ratings with this one weird trick! And we mean one. Because you can’t do it a second time.

This is unacceptable. Get me god on the phone I just want o talk.

Dear God, fuck your plan, if you take Dolly, but leave that crapulent cheese doodle in the White House, were storming the gates of haven!

A samurai could send a fax to a cowboy. It’s not only plausible that one could; it’s likely that one did.

Oatmeal cream pies. They’re basically just vegetable shortening, sugar and sadness but for some reason, they hit the spot at times.

I can’t believe I just lost to Shulk. #SmashBros

At my old job, I had to constantly tell both faculty and students that no, they couldn’t just copy the entire book. It wa Tristan to no end because I knew and they knew too that it was wrong.

I was in 9th grade.

*checks bank account* huh. Maybe they accept kidneys?

Lying cat from Saga, calling you a big fat lier.

Says the man who wets himself every time someone whispers the name Epstein.

I asked the pharmacist for the inhaler that didn’t burn jet fuel but my insurance doesn’t cover generics.

I’d like to comfort Nicole Kidman after her recent divorce, which is about as likely to happen.

The Olympics are going to be a shit show. Every country will boycott is but Trump will insist thy go on so it’ll just be Americans competing to see which. Race wins the most medals for his own amusement.

Wulfsey V

And history will remember our senators for doing… what exactly?

I saw one on the parking lot of a store the other day and I was just gross looking. Every fingerprint, speck of dirt, and caked on bit of mud stood out and the south Texas sun had already started to wear on the rubber seals. These things look 20 years old fresh off the assembly line.

She’s a mouthy woman they don’t want to fuck. What if she inspires other women to be opinionated and this, unsexy? That makes her an abomination that must be destroyed.

This was literally the point of Asimov’s robot stories in the 1950s. This shouldn’t be novel or surprising. We should have internalized this by now.

The oroborus of robots as symbolic stand-in for slaves and our attitudes toward them representing the dehumanization/fear of the other rising up and subjecting us to the same mistreatment, comes full circle as we try to appease a roomba with googley eyes.

That’s the exact opposite of what needs to happen! Dems need to pass laws outlining exactly how Trump and his actions are illegal, what penalties there will be for doing them and how those penalties are triggered in the future so we don’t get more of *this*.

Israel is a danger to democracy and human rights everywhere.

You are all Palestinians now.

They were pulled by what, a stiff wind? Ghosts?

Definitely historical drama. something with swords.

I’m so looking forward to Guillermo Del toro’s movie!

I’m trying to break my 8 year old of the habit now.

That was definitely me trying to read Ulysses in my 20s.

Same peope who thought they’d overthrow the government on a long weekend and then go home and get on with their life with a cool story to tell at the next barbecue.