Angry People in Local Newspapers

Mum and son got in a 10-minute Uber, and couldn't believe what the app told them Uber has since refunded Jay Myers, but he says he'd think twice about using the app again

POO-ber, am I right?

'My Mini is still stuck in Cornish sinkhole after three weeks' His insurance company says it will recover it for free - but not yet

Update to the god tier Cornish “You Can’t Park There Mate”. He’s still parked there after three weeks, mate.

Broke my hand when the massage table collapsed during an oily rub. Told my wife it was a trip on a pavement. She's now written a three-page letter to the council. I've just spent my Sunday identifying a suitably raised slab in case they send someone to investigate.

Ron.

Herald Scotland: "There will be blood on the streets if they close the Poundland'

All kicking off in Leith. Where’s the Leith Polith when you need them?

www.heraldscotland.com/life_style/2...

There’s a superhero movie right there.

SUPERCOW: SHE TAKES NO BULL

I saw the front page of The Scottish Farmer in the Co-op yesterday, and the top story is exactly the same, only Supercow doesn’t have a funny name.

www.thescottishfarmer.co.uk/news/2564762...

If you’re desperate, trains are also available, which are faster and more direct.

Signs set up to combat city centre street plagued by human faeces, urine and vomit Three signs have been spotted in Church Walk as residents and workers have complained of people urinating, defecating, and vomiting along the road.

PEOPLE OF COLCHESTER: Stop making your soil in the street like you are a beast in the field. Take a 74 or 76 Seasider bus from the High Street to Clacton instead.

Councillor furious over social housing left empty more than 2 years on despite crisis A councillor has been left angry as social housing fit for a family has been left empty for more than two years.

He’s got a point, you know.

Council workers called out after 'snake' spotted in house cellar Town hall staff were scrambled to catch a snake in a house cellar – only to find the venomous reptile was not what it seemed.

2 many sneks 🐍

'Pets At Home gave me pregnant guinea pig' Lauren May took her guinea pig home but says she was 'gobsmacked' when she woke up to find An had given birth three weeks later

“Traumatised” 🤔

Always wise to fence off the legal guy, in case it turns out he’s feral*.

*He is not.

'Oh yes, well as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling anybody or anything.' 'But the plans were on display..' 'On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.' 'That's the display department.' 'With a torch. 'Ah, well the lights had probably gone.' 'So had the stairs.' 'But look, you found the notice didn't you?' "Yes,' said Arthur, 'yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard.'

In the words of Douglas Adams:

B&B owner upset by 'motorway-sized' road sign installed outside her property A bed and breakfast owner has raised concerns over the impact of a large road sign on her business.

Strong Beware of the Leopard response from the council here.

Telegraph Lifestyle: 'My son's wife is common. I'm so disappointed'

To be honest, I don’t think the daughter-in-law is the problem here.

CATSEYES removed road sign.

Those pencil-necked desk jockeys at the council are doing their best to stamp out innovation these days.

The author used to be the bass player for Jethro Tull*

*lie

'I planted a tiny hedge to protect my home from thundering construction traffic, now I'm told it's a safety hazard' Moray Council say they will continue to pursue the removal of the hedge despite rural homeowner Bruce Riddoch calling for "common sense".

Regret to report that those pencil-necked desk jockeys at the council are at it again.

If that cat had been walking the other way, he'd have invented the tea towel holder

Christmas is RUINED! Thieves steal festive decorations from city church Thieves stole two nutcracker decorations, worth more than £500, from Alive Church in Nelson Street at the weekend. The two men drove a black Audi…

Christmas is RUINED, and as soon as he’s born, Jesus is going to come and shit you up.

New £5m Angus crematorium back on track after Court of Session ruling in farmer’s favour The bid to build a second Angus crematorium at Duntrune has twice been before Scotland’s highest civil court since plans were first announced in 2020.

It’s going to be JUST for people called Angus. No wonder local people not called Angus are furious.

YOUR POEMS Percy Shaw The dark nights are here no light peeping through But country lanes are made easier for me and you. That's because of an invention still used today This fantastic brainwave came to stay. Percy Shaw born in 1890 He didn't know he was going to do well. There were 14 siblings so you could never tell Percy wanted to do his best. Oh what a surprise Because 1934 driving home in awful fog He saw cats' eyes He suddenly had an inspiration Something that would benefit the nation Percy Shaw for his invention was awarded the OBE. A great achievement,something we all could see. Sadly on September 1, 1976 Aged 86, Percy passed away But his lasting memory has lightened our lives Cats' eyes were here to stay. Jean Taylor, Bastord

Percy’s now lying in his grave wishing he hadn’t.

Thieves make off with Edinburgh bar's giant nutcracker Christmas decoration An Edinburgh cocktail bar has said thieves have ‘stolen the spirit of Christmas’ after an eight foot tall decoration was taken from the venue on Tuesday.

Regret to report a deserter from the armed forces, who tricked the cleaner into taking over his guard duty.

We need our railway station back, says Fleetwood MP in Commons MP Lorraine Beavers has made a renewed call for the restoration of Fleetwood’s rail link.

It’s behind you!

Boulders blunder 'bulldozed' green space laws as dozens may need removing Controversial boulders could be removed from The Green, Croxley Green, after the revelation they were not placed with the necessary permission.

Always pictured the Holy Stone of Clonrickert as slightly smaller than this

Oh, we’re long past enforcing that rule.

Hate to disappoint those who think it’s male, but Polar Bear is described as a Belgian Blue heifer.

www.farmersjournal.ie/beef/news/wa...

Rubbish bin warning over collection rule which could catch you out Oxfordshire locals have been warned about a rubbish bin collection rule which has caught out residents.

Judging by the glow, it’s “No nuclear waste”.