Angry People in Local Newspapers

Leicester Mercury: LOCAL MAN CAUTIONED FOR HAVING VAN FULL OF OWLS.

Don’t have nightmares.

Stoke-on-Trent street where cars get bashed, drivers speed and you can't park Nightmare!

Wanna feel old? This is what “Think once, think twice, think bike” guy looks like today.

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You can’t walk from Ireland to Italy.

BBC Sport: Team GB face uphill task for four-man bobsleigh medal.

I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s not how bobsleigh works.

An admission of guilt if my school days were any measure.

Lancaster police launch search for person who sprayed dog faeces with pink paint Police are investigating after dog faeces were sprayed pink in a Lancaster alleyway.

With all crime solved, police in Lancaster turn their steely glare toward the criminal mastermind who is [checks notes] spray-painting dog poo pink like they’re some sort of faeces-driven Banksy.

Yes. Yes it is.

Man 'driven mad' after he finds home listed as coach station on Google Maps.

Yet there you are, perfectly sane.

Elderly couple constantly trapped in own home by floodwater fed up and exhausted The elderly Isle of Wight couple have been struggling to cope with floodwater for over half a decade.

Yet there you are, not trapped.

Liz Hurley only coming in at number three.

YOUR POEMS Coffee and cake by Annie Thompson It's coffee time, It's that time of day. 11 o'clock and l am peckish. So coffee and cake it is, that'll do the trick. I am spoilt for choice. Lemon drizzle cake, Victoria cream sponge cake, strawberry cream scones, chocolate brownies or lovely sausage rolls. Oh, my, it's so hard to choose. Shall I have one of each as 1 really like all of these? O don't be greedy, Annie. OK, just one cake and a coffee, that'll do the trick. Till lunchtime comes around. " Shall I have those other cakes and sausage rolls?"

Another glimpse into the frankly lovely life of Annie, and EAT THE CAKE ANNIE. EAT ALL OF IT.

The pothole. LIE IN THE POTHOLE.

80s pop sensation returns to Basingstoke to tuck into an £8 curry Tanita Tikaram, the 80s popstar, returned to Basingstoke to tuck into an £8 curry at the recently-opened Raai restaurant.

THIS LOOKS IMPORTANT.

@apiln.bsky.social

www.basingstokegazette.co.uk/news/2587213...

The second most famous person from Basingstoke.

Yet, there she is, in the papers again, clothed.

Metro: Tesco is clamping down on customers who commit 'despicable' act outside stores.

SPOILER: It’s parking in the “Parent and child” bays, and not - as you might have thought - curling out a length in the revolving doors.

'A storm destroyed our home - so we're living in our local Wetherspoons' Catherine and Harold Mills were forced from their home after it was destroyed by a falling tree - so they took up refuge in their favourite Wetherspoons

Oh bless them, but best of luck getting to the toilets.

Northern Echo DARLINGTON MAN DENIES BREAKING WIND IN BOY’S FACE.

MEN: Best not do this.

'Bottles of wee' blight 'vile' litter pick along major road THE A49 has been branded a "disaster zone" by litter pickers who found themselves collecting bottles of urine from the roadside in…

TRUCKERS: Take your stale piss home with you, for God’s sake.

He’ll have to take that one on the chin.

Motorist demands ‘ridiculous’ potholes to be repaired ‘properly’ A frustrated motorist fears a village road is becoming increasingly ‘dangerous’ after counting roughly 100 potholes.

A lot going on here, but what’s he doing wearing Darth Vader’s hands?

Calls for a Dudley pothole czar to hold contractors to account in order to ensure value for money Dudley’s Labour group is calling for a borough pothole czar as part of its alternative financial plans.

If there’s going to be a pothole tsar, how about a bins baron and a duke of dog shit?

'Bring back red wine and cola': Gig-goer's plea to cathedral leaders A regular concert-goer is calling on leaders at Ely Cathedral to reinstate the sales of red wine and cola at future events.

This looks important.

Galway hospital accident turns mam's eyes 'alien' green Like something from a horror movie

“Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”

Councillors call for urgent road safety action in Staincross, but council says junction does not need extra work Councillors are calling for urgent road safety measures in Staincross, but Barnsley Council says the evidence does not show that additional work is needed at the junction.

Same as the story about the Norman Castle, only this time it’s a bungalow in Barnsley.

Man left 'devastated' as castle in his back garden collapses A man has been left devastated after part of the historic Norman castle in his back garden collapsed.

That face when the Norman castle in your back garden falls down. Happens to us all.

Isle of Man Examiner: Doubt cast on talking mongoose story.

How dare you doubt my talking mongoose.

Archie the pub bore out off of The Fast Show.

“Thirty years, man and boy”

'Don't put potholes on Facebook' says transport boss as reports triple A senior councillor has blamed years of national underinvestment in highways for a surge in pothole reports across Brighton and Hove

He’s obviously never seen this page.