Angry People in Local Newspapers

“I own the second largest light engineering company in the West Midlands”

'It took two days picking through dog dirt to sort this out': park makes waste plea The operators of a popular Chorley park have appealed for consideration from dog owners after waste bags were left piled up around overflowing bins.

The quote here is from the dog.

Man being arrested accused police officer of touching his genitals Whyte’s trousers had come down as he was being restrained, and the officer had been trying to pull them up.

No succulent Chinese meal involved, just a nasty bit of homophobic abuse.

www.bathecho.co.uk/news/crime/m...

It has happened again.

My first job was at Weymouth Sealife Centre as part of an hourly attraction called “Man gets beaten up by angry sea lion”, where I played the role of “the man”. I didn’t like it much, so I know how this guy feels - good luck for tomorrow, fella!

Leeds grandma swindled out of lifesavings by 'cowboy builder' to get dream extension A Leeds grandmother who was conned out of her life savings by a rogue trader is set to see her dream extension become reality - thanks to a kind-hearted builder.

The rats even bricked up her trousers. But the reaction to this shows that - yes - we CAN occasionally have nice things.

Is this the most talked about road sign in Devon? ONE of the most talked about road signs in Devon can be seen on the A377 between Crediton and Exeter, just after Half Moon and before Cowley.

Alien Abduction World, just one mile north of the A377 near Exeter. Go on - give it a probing!

THIS LOOKS IMPORTANT.

The Daily Telegraph once again with its finger on the pulse of the nation.

McColl's has £1k of my parcels locked away - but I can't collect them The man claimed he took 40 parcels worth £1,000 to his local shop where they 'didn't move an inch'

Is there a statute of limitations on reporting examples of compo face?

www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-w...

‘It’s disgusting!’ Fury as council takes no action over footpath to new-build estate Frustrated residents have raised concerns over delays to build a footpath which was required under planning conditions for a new housing estate.

Worst. Conga. Ever.

Expert level huffing.

downnews.co.uk/shrigley-res...

I’ve a former colleague who does this. He’s also the spitting image of Simon Pegg, so he’s very popular at fan conventions.

Not sure if it’s a tomato or the president’s brain.

Aufstand in der Maxvorstadt: Geschäfte fürchten um ihre Existenz – „Fühlen uns übergangen“ Der Umbau der Augustenstraße sorgt für massiven Protest. 95 Prozent der Betriebe lehnen das Sieben-Millionen-Euro-Projekt ab.

Meanwhile in Germany: Shopkeep worries that his leather goods shop will not survive roadworks. He probably mentions Schritt (footfall) along the way.

www.hallo-muenchen.de/muenchen/auf...

We haven’t seen a poem from lovely, lovely Annie for a bit. But fear not!

It was published in the same year as Miss Marple and the Corn-Laden Turd, in which the famous elder detective solved the crime without having to leave the toilet.

Four teenage girls targeted by Cheshire Police over City Walls graffiti CHESHIRE Police has urged for more help identifying four girls between 13 and 16 who are alleged to have graffitied the Roman walls in Chester.

I remember this Agatha Christie mystery. It was a three-page pamphlet called Hercule Poirot’s Easiest Case. She was just dialling it in by then.

Essex locals fed up with 'vile' dog poo covered estate Bags of poo have been found piled up next to bins and tied to trees, which locals say smells disgusting and could make someone sick

✅ Holding their nose
✅ Pointing at the thing that’s made them angry

This is what we’re here for.

Braintree in Essex. They measure time differently there because of time dilation caused by a nearby black hole (Clacton).

Seahouses is still the best place for chippy tea on the way home from Alnwick.

Blasters going off everywhere, no injuries.

Barter Books though. Best second hand book store in the country.

Also in Alnwick, a delicatessen where we were served supermarket ham sandwiches in supermarket bread, while the owner was being astonishingly racist.

This NOT sexy slang, and you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking that it was.

“Oh yeah, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming”

I don’t just make this shit up, you know.

Star Wars descends on North East town to celebrate museum's toy exhibition The costumed volunteers were there to promote the touring exhibition, which comes to Alnwick from March until May

Lord Vader of Cheam marches to Alnwick police station after his TIE fighter was clamped while he was shopping in Barter Books, only to be told that “it’s a civil matter, sir”.

“Do you know who I am?” he asks the desk sergeant.

“Also sir, this is not the Death Star canteen sketch”.

It’s “A Can of Heinz Cream of Tomato Soup” and the missing word is anything your disgusting imaginations can come up with.

'I want to leave my home after BT pole erected metres from my window' Tracey Crarer, 51, has lived in her home for 30 years - but now wants to sell up after telegraph pole was installed

I can’t be bothered to check, but I think this is a completely different “BT Openreach put a pole a few metres from my house and now I want to move” story from the previous “BT Openreach put a pole a few metres from my house and now I want to move” story we did the other day.

Anyway, more from Kerry’s Eye, the most joyful of all regional newspapers, and a child has been lodged in the Tunnel of Goats.