Angry People in Local Newspapers

Pensioner fears ‘garden grab’ after washing line incident Gardening used to be therapeutic for Mum, but she has lost all interest,

“You mean I have to share it? With my upstairs neighbour? I AM TRAPPED IN MY OWN HOME”

YOUR POEMS ID Card by Keith J Furnival STOP, ID card, where are you going, where have you been? This photograph doesn't look like you, get it changed. You are being reported, you will lose credits. STOP, ID card, you can't buy that, cholesterol count too high, government warning. Please do not ask why, rules are rules. Do not question, just comply. STOP, ID card. this vehicle is out of zone, didn't you read today's app. There will be a fine, credits will be deducted, your travel will be restricted. Are you a nonconformist? We will rectify that. STOP, ID card, stay home and comply. No need to go out, your card is your everything. All will be delivered, the state will provide. You will submit, we are watching you. STOP, ID card.

Delighted to report that Keith is back on form with this important poem about ID Cards, and if I’m very much mistaken*, it’s to the tune of Stop by The Spice Girls.

*I am very much mistaken

'I paid for new bins and neighbours got them for free' Jenni Clark paid for extra bins after becoming frustrated by rubbish but now wants a refund.

BINS!!

Spam advert: You Don't Need a Solicitor for a Will - Here's Why. Pic supposedly shows a judge, but she’s clearly Dawn French.

If you ask Dawn French nicely, she’ll do it for you.

Metro: Rightmove photoshop fail looks like cars 'have been glued by Pritt Stick'. Picture shows a semi-detached house for sale, the cars have been pasted into the image, very badly.

In today’s episode of Oh Mate, oh mate.

Beach volleyball players say sauna is 'like sitting next to someone smoking' Beach volleyball players say they are being smoked out by a trendy wood-fired sauna next to their court.

Wanna feel old? This is what popular beat combo The Pet Shop Boys look like today. New single “Buy one get one free on hamsters” available now.

I don’t belieeeeeeve it.

Tewkesbury toilet jammed by 'avant-garde plumbing sabotage' A toilet is out of order after a vandal got creative with willow branches and chicken soup.

Something about laying a log, I dunno.

Farmers face Halloween nightmare as road to pumpkin patch is closed Farmers on the edge of Ipswich are facing a Halloween nightmare after their road was closed for a month in the lead-up to Halloween.

Halloween is RUINED.

'Really annoying': Homeowner's anguish over level crossing bells

@apiln.bsky.social the bells! The bells! Esmerellda! Melbourne residents claim new level crossing bells are so loud they can't sleep share.google/w1FdLtEkROVn...

Cotswold men's shed move as area needed for nuclear reactor A group helping men tackle loneliness is celebrating finding a new premises.

@apiln.bsky.social not a newspaper but it is local news

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Cheers Owen. How DARE they consider useful amenity at no taxpayer cost.

Proposed 'eyesore' bench causes outrage among community Plans for a new artistic bench that have been two years in the making have caused outrage among residents in Botley near an Oxford Brookes campus.

A parish council in Oxford has refused to install a bench on a quiet side street in case people sit on it and get hit by a car

www.thisisoxfordshire.co.uk/news/2552131...

#motonormativity

@apiln.bsky.social

Halfway to hell: Pathway named after Billy Fury has become a ‘no-go zone' New councillor calls for lighting and CCTV on West Hampstead footpath

Billy FUMMIN more like.

Christmas is filling the shops already GONE are all the kids' summer treats, beach balls buckets and spades, out of all the supermarkets. Now it's Christmas shopping: toys, books, selection boxes, and much more, all piled up near the door, not far from where you walk in, to just catch your eye. It'll be Christmas cards and calendars soon, and so much more. All in our grocery stores. Annie Thompson

Bless Annie, poet laureate of the Derby Telegraph. Even her letters are poems.

Radio presenter suspended for playing Christmas song in October Broadland Radio presenter Rob Chandler has been suspended by the station after he played a Christmas song in October.

Christmas is RUINED, but we suspect some sort of lame publicity stunt.

Bemusement as dozens of sex toys wash up on beach in Millport Dozens of sex toys washed up on a beach in Millport.

Dildo Tide (1995, starring Denzel Washington, Gene Hackman; directed by Tony Scott)

Peterborough Telegraph: Drug dealer was found with cocaine and heron hidden in his pants.

He’s gonna do (oh-ho!) BIRD!!!!

Bass player reunited with stolen guitar 13 years after theft Bass player Ivo Severijns has been reunited with a guitar stolen at a Vrienden van Amstel concert 13 years ago. One of his friends noticed the Fender Precision offered for sale online. Severijns, who ...

He’s been playing air guitar for the last 13 years and nobody noticed the difference.

ALWAYS

For further details, please see our pinned post.

Big cat sighted in UK as bloke who spotted it claims 'it's a big cat' A Labrador sized 'big cat' has been spotted prowling the Lincolnshire countryside on a trail camera as a local resident has consulted experts to confirm the sighting

Cat.

Apology: Missed out the “With my reputation?” line. Ding-dong.

Hen party shows up on man's doorstep after renting new home in Bath - BBC News Gary Temprell says he was moving in when a van full of women in pink cowboy hats arrived.

Me? The 13th Duke of Wybourne? Opening my front door to a hen party who thought my house was a holiday let? Bingo!

[deleted] • 326d Wx charts is just a weather model run aggregator. It displays the various daily runs from the weather models as they appear (The ECMWF European model runs twice a day, the GFS American model runs 4 times a day for example).It is a very good tool if you know what you're looking at. The problems comes from people not understanding how it works, you can't take individual model runs as a deterministic forecast, you have to look at multiple runs and ensembles. These clickbait newspaper articles will typically take a day in a week or twos time from one model run and present it as a factual forecast which is likely to be entirely wrong, you'd have to look at multiple runs and ensembles for that far out and even then you'll only get a probability forecast. The MET office have been doing really good videos about this lately on YouTube.

Indeed. This Reddit post has the real dope.

Leeds Live (and probably all reach plc publications) UK weather maps show 36-hour snow blast with up to 10cm an hour. The UK is set to be hit by a snowstorm in just days, with up to 25cm of snow set to fall in one area, according to weather maps.

If you guessed that the “one area” set to be hit with ten inches of snow was the Scottish Highlands, give yourself a pat of the back and the title of “Scholar of the Bloody Obvious”

Man claims to have experienced paranormal activity in multiple Somerset spots A Crewkerne, Somerset-based man has claimed to have experienced paranormal activity in multiple locations around Minehead, Yeovil and…

“A cursed cat photo whose eyes followed you about the room”

Not even Adrian Chiles.

The Guardian: The kindness of strangers: my melons went flying and a group of old ladies came to the rescue.

Niche sexy slang.