Thanks for voting 🙂🫶🏻
Thanks for the vote 🙂
Night
wife: i should have never let you take that morse code class
me: shhh *listening to the hail hit our roof* the storm is talking to me
This meeting could’ve been a sticky-note.
I know it's time to vacuum when the cat's whiskers are fully clogged with dust
They got unc crawling in the lot for content
filling in my answer to every survey question with pump up the jam
a restaurant that serves chili from a soda dispenser
i’m like that orphan kid that gives potential adoptive parents the irresistible cute look and then they read my file and it’s NOPE
Flowers are pretty
I'm not a poet
Look at this flower
I'm not a poet
Ummm once you get out the sundress there should be no more snow
i think next halloween i’ll hand out abortion pills
5-word horror story:
"did you see my email?"
please don’t touch me while I’m eating cake
I don't want to say I was poor growing up, but the Adidas my mom got me had four stripes.
Since nothing matters anymore, everyone should get a coupon to do one tax fraud
a tramp stamp that says "organic"
Sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness.
Judge. Judy. Executioner.
sorry I didn’t get back to you it’s just that I’m plotting your murder and I wanted it to be a surprise
a good man is hard to find/replace
Cat's got them apple bottom jeans,
Sorry I didn't respond like a human. I've been dissociated for the last ten years. Blob brain.
I forget that I can say whatever I want here because nobody can read.
The Cecropia moth is born without a mouth. It cannot eat. It emerges only to mate and die. Nature gave it magnificent wings and ten days of starvation. It is the universe's most honest creature. It lives without pretense.
I like doing Civil War re-enactments. I play the Kirsten Dunst part.
Nobody double dog dares anymore
it's so nice that when you're drinking your tea nightcap no one can bother you, that's your own time with your tea and the voices in your head
don’t ask if my computer is backed up it’s none of your bitness
