*allows door to swing toward lady's face behind me* "women's day was yesterday..."
09.03.2026 05:18 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0*allows door to swing toward lady's face behind me* "women's day was yesterday..."
09.03.2026 05:18 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Hey. It’s us. Home Depot. On this Lady Day, we wanted to remind you that women are ppl. Use code TheyExist2 for 2% off shipping of your 3rd next purchase. If you’re related to a woman, or god forbid, are one, please take 5 seconds today to remember that Marilyn Monroe was sexy.
09.03.2026 05:17 — 👍 9 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
name a woman
08.03.2026 08:24 — 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 0
goodnight xo
08.03.2026 07:34 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
her culture was my costume
08.03.2026 07:33 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
I used to wear headbands in high school because of Lauren Conrad so I truly cannot judge
08.03.2026 07:03 — 👍 5 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0man, i don’t know matt at all irl but ive read his stuff for years and let me just say that he’s not someone you lay off he’s someone you get in a bidding war over
08.03.2026 02:55 — 👍 1161 🔁 162 💬 9 📌 1
do I make you rrrrrandy baybay
08.03.2026 04:27 — 👍 13 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I can always watch Lost In Translation though don’t @ me
08.03.2026 04:13 — 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
an air bnb brought to you by the year I longed for death
08.03.2026 04:12 — 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0he ran on business man funny dance men can be honest again without being called bigots red hat
08.03.2026 03:43 — 👍 6 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0have been randomly thinking about them a lot lately
08.03.2026 03:18 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
“are you cool or will you bring your guitar places”
08.03.2026 03:16 — 👍 9 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 1There was no way for anyone to know I was short before that stick read 5’3
07.03.2026 20:50 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Their pattern is unreal
07.03.2026 19:38 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0gas station security height measuring stick just clocked my ass
07.03.2026 19:38 — 👍 10 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0he hardly spoke english so he was likely having a blast all the time
07.03.2026 14:29 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0Sometimes I’ll feel like I’m doing okay mentally and then I’ll yawn out the word “help”
06.03.2026 07:35 — 👍 7 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0Respectfully, screw them I trust you
06.03.2026 07:06 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Trusting your opinion based on how intelligent you are. That has to spill over into pen selection somehow
06.03.2026 07:00 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0I then arrive in a limo with a massive check. He was on The Price Is Right earlier that day and left it behind.
05.03.2026 04:10 — 👍 7 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0you roll over and try again by the second oncoming limo, carrying a grieving widow who takes you in. you two spend 20 amazing years together before she passes from a third limo collision (rich guy, you finally make money)
05.03.2026 03:20 — 👍 13 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
Jehovah’s Witness brochure gets it
05.03.2026 02:20 — 👍 11 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 01961 baby Barack Obama entering the scene in 2008
05.03.2026 01:42 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0then the exploded mayonnaise takes off its mask to reveal its miracle whip
04.03.2026 06:56 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0How I arrived to BlueSky
04.03.2026 05:59 — 👍 9 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
new bio just dropped
04.03.2026 04:14 — 👍 9 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0he got all the ladies screamin’ “AOWWWW MISTA SHEFFIELD!” in the club 💃🏻
04.03.2026 03:59 — 👍 6 🔁 0 💬 2 📌 0if anyone ruins this for me I swear to god
04.03.2026 03:58 — 👍 4 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
