John of the North

Change one letter and ruin a candy

GERDs Gummy Clusters

back on my bullshit

Quote post a favorite photo of yourself from any era ❤️

Let's cross the street. Yes I see that bus coming, but we have right of way. Of course it'll stop. Oh please, why on earth would Sandra Bullock be driving a bus

EVERYTHING IS BULLSHIT

My dog is a fearless badass until the robot vacuum bumps into her.

At this point legitimate journalists should just not go to these press briefings. Unbelievable.

Not to brag but I got a full 8 hours of over-thinking

a man in a suit and tie is sitting in front of a window ALT: a man in a suit and tie is sitting in front of a window

Our government is comprised of 12-year-olds. Unreal.

If you say Mountain Dew three times in the mirror, Wilford Brimley will appear and give you type three diabetes.

trying to sleep:
eyes closed ✅
room dark but not too dark ✅
quiet but not too quiet ✅
cold but covered with some feathers ✅
horizontal, head on some feathers ✅
brain: ‘did you hear that sound from 3 rooms away? let’s think about a conversation from 2006’

I hope you take it easy as well

I'm not wrong my memory is wrong.

That looks seriously comfy

Adding lots of new words to my moderation filters today wheeeee

what.

I’m in an unreasonably good mood, let me get on social media and fix it

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Those are adorable!

This is a photo of a plastic bag that prominently states “This bag is not a toy”.

Well not with that attitude it isn’t

Maybe not that song, but I’d love to hear some of the songs you’ve written!

These fridge magnets spell trouble.

I read a book about orators. It really spoke to me.

share a cartoon from the past that kids today probably never heard of

I feel the same way about all social media. It’s not a fun place to be anymore.

I’m sorry you’re sad, I hope your day gets better

“Pssst, it’s 2 AM, thought I’d let you know.” - Bladder

“Good, you’re awake! Let’s process petty shit right now.” - Brain

“I’ve missed you.” - Insomnia

I’m not so much cloaked in Gucci and in scandal as I am cloaked in T.J. Maxx and anxiety.

one thing that i think is good to do is shape your perspective for the day before you have looked at the news and then also, for the rest of the day, don’t look at the news