John

Toaster waffles? Heck, I barely knew her.

son: your dad jokes are stupid
me: they're not "technically" dad jokes
son: what do you mean?
maury: *clears throat*

"Go ahead, you can slide by" says guy in airplane aisle who clearly has no idea how large his butt is.

Squirrel with its arms out and mouth open like it's saying stop

🎶STOP RIGHT THERE!
I GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW!
BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,
DO YOU LOVE ME, WILL YOU LOVE ME FOREVER...🎶

Health tip: For optimal bone health, get lots of vitamins, lift some weights, and keep your skeleton inside your skin at all times.

The big problem with being an adult is that there’s no nurse’s office to go to when you just need a little break from it all

Had a great day. Today wasn’t it.

Mike Johnson hit with new accusation showing ‘clear-cut violation’ of federal law House Speaker Mike Johnson has been accused of using campaign money to pay his rent in what the government watchdog group Campaign Legal Center described as a “clear-cut violation of federal campaign ...

Seems Mike Johnson has been using campaign funds to pay his rent in DC, which is a major legal no no.

www.rawstory.com/mike-johnson...

ANDREW CUOMO: [getting thrown out of a restaurant] don’t you know who I am

RESTAURANT OWNER: that’s exactly why I’m throwing you out

it’s a sign of a healthy country that so many people wake each day hoping he died in the night

The Confederates always used "state's rights" when it was convenient and the feds to control the states when it wasn't.

We are still fighting the confederates...they weren't punished well enough and they never went away.

See, RFK JR isn't "anti-vaxx" per se.

He's only against vaccines that are grounded in science and proven to work safely and effectively.

He's actually PRO fake, utterly bullshit made-up "vaccines" that you can grift off of.

Naming one of your grandparents would probably hit harder if you didn’t get a lot of people’s grandparents killed and then tried to cover it up

Ohio woman who had her car repossessed by the dealer takes legal ownership of dealership name in a revenge move for the ages There's a lesson here for business owners.

This dish was served cold: After having her new car repossessed, an Ohio woman discovered the dealership had failed to legally renew the registration of its name. So SHE took possession of the name. Merriment ensued.
fortune.com/2025/07/31/t...

Might be part of the plan to defend his continued stay in the WH which he's transforming into the mir-a-lago of the north (also: fascism)

Glad I was able to sniff this one out.

#Wordle 1,512 3/6

🟨🟩🟨⬜⬜
🟨🟩⬜🟨🟨
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Are those daylights even living, bro?

Sometimes I think everything sucks, and other times I know it’s just most things, and other times I’m asleep. Life is a rich tapestry

I think I've just about hit the age where the younger cowboys in the saloon would call me "old-timer."

crosses sneezing fit on toilet off bucket list

My mind ran 10,000 miles today . . . all in circles. Yet my smartwatch didn't capture that.

did the blair witch ever finish her project

Eagle-eyed cinephiles will note the use of killer robots as a recurring motif in the Terminator film series

Trump Is Building a Maximalist Government In a series of actions this week, the president sought to expand the government’s reach.

The New York Times uses the word “maximalist” because it’s afraid to use the word “dictatorship.”

There's probably a French word for what I experienced reading his posts today, but this version of Andrew Cuomo is what Trump would've sounded like for the last ten years had people in positions of power shut him out of public life instead of enabling him.

Are Americans aware that down here in Mexico we’ve been getting bombarded for months with ads of Kristi Noem telling us to our face that we’re out welcome in the US, and that these ads even found their way into our national TV broadcasts

Because I feel like I have seen nobody mention it

It’s probably crossed Trump’s mind more than once that if he gives Putin Alaska, Murkowski is Putin’s problem.

The Power of a Positive Pervert Trump saw the vision board of Fox News and knew exactly what to do with it. That’s because if he has any religion at all, it is a direct precursor of The Secret—the Gospel of “Positive Thinking” as taught by Norman Vincent Peale. And I mean taught by Norman Vincent Peale. “On Sundays, [the Trumps] drove into Manhattan to worship at Marble Collegiate Church, where Peale was the head pastor,” Gwenda Blair wrote in 2015. “Donald and both his sisters were married there, and funeral services for both Fred and Mary took place in the main sanctuary.” What did Trump learn from the man who said, “Prayerize, visualize, actualize—that is the formula for successful imaging”? How about… everything? Blair explained: “Believe in yourself!” Peale’s book begins. “Have faith in your abilities!” He then outlines 10 rules to overcome “inadequacy attitudes” and “build up confidence in your powers.” Rule one: “formulate and staple indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding,” “hold this picture tenaciously,” and always refer to it “no matter how badly things seem to be going at the moment.” Subsequent rules tell the reader to avoid “fear thoughts,” “never think of yourself as failing,” summon up a positive thought whenever “a negative thought concerning your personal powers comes to mind,” “depreciate every so-called obstacle,” and “make a true estimate of your own ability, then raise it 10 per cent.”

I need people to think of Fox News as a fascist vision board.

And Norman Vincent Peale's church was the only church Trump ever regularly attended. He manifested fascism.

And he is absolutely trying to manifest treason charges against Obama & Clinton.

www.thefarce.org/maga-is-dead...

Don’t worry. The labor market with strengthen again as soon as Trump gets his new loyalist statistician in there.

When I heard that you hired a personal assistant and gave them the job title of concierge, my reaction was I can’t believe it’s not butler.