F.

And don't assume I'm unaware of how messed up I must look.

Loneliness used to be harrowing. Now it's unbearable. Truly unbearable. Especially at night when I'm doing absolutely nothing, the dark thoughts crowd my mind. It's horrifying to exist in that mindset.

Gotta stop shitting on myself at every turn.

Might be one of my worst jokes. Plus the considerable wishful thinking.

Cooking naked is fun until you realize you're not chopping a sausage.

YouTube video by AMAARA AMAARA - New Love's Mortal Coil (Official Video)

Lastly, at least for now, Amaara's New Love's Mortal Coil.

youtu.be/bP1BG6yL4o4?...

YouTube video by Augie March Augie March - Malagrotta (Lyric Video)

For my fellow Augie March lovers: Malagrotta!
youtu.be/AsyDBMPLStU?...

YouTube video by Panchiko Panchiko - Ginkgo (Official Video)

Awful video, but helluva psych pop tune.
Gingko by Panchiko.
youtu.be/sYHiewpA_1w?...

YouTube video by Marble Sounds - Topic Not All Is in Vain

My favorite song of 2025, by one of my favorite bands ever.
Not All Is In Vain by Marble Sounds.

youtu.be/rrJ6WsQ5dok?...

YouTube video by Pearla Effort (Official Music Video)

This folk pop singer Pearla caught me off guard a few years ago with this one called Effort.
youtu.be/CSp2hZML3Kg?...

YouTube video by abcglobus CARDIACS - DOWNUP - 2025 SINGLE

A really catchy quirky rock tune from Cardiacs called Downup. This one's for the music teachers.
youtu.be/Y4o03z8wGIQ?...

YouTube video by Steve Cruickshank Negative Harmony Cover - Everlong

A weirdly acoustic negative harmony cover of Foo Fighters' Everlong.
youtu.be/y_kU9zvh3XA?...

YouTube video by Emily Yacina Emily Yacina- The Clearing [Official Music Video]

The Clearing by Emily Yacine. New tune, very reminiscent of early 2010s dream pop/slowcore.
youtu.be/ZEcC7ibAT3I

Anyway, in a world needing light, a thread of songs I'm loving so far from the past few years. Nothing before 2020.

Only thing feeling right in the world is Cardiacs releasing LSD at the end of the week.

I'm far more interested in not being wrong than in being right. The stuff I'm saying is not about coming off righteous, clever, or a better person. My interest is in people being honest, even if it hurts.

Be real with yourself. When was the last time you ate a chocolate and felt bad for the African children?

The hypocrisies of daily life are inescapable. You can be righteous in your causes. Very well-intentioned even, and still fall prey to your own arguments.
So, can you be anti child labor and drink coffee? I think you can, if you actively push for that labor to end or be controlled.

Smarphones: child labor!
Coffee/cocoa: poor conditions, child labor.
Palm oil: Forced labor.
Latest fashion trend: Children made it.
Cosmetics: Animal abuse, even those who claim otherwise.
Jewelry: Children/soliders in conflict zones.
Cigarettes: Tobacco from children's hands to your dying lungs.

When it comes to choosing between the comforts of western life and "the right thing", we choose the former.

Might sound shitty, but my generation's desire for change isn't nearly as strong as we believe. There's no way for us to change anything if we are afraid to talk to each other. Our lives are inconvenienced when we forget a phone charger.

After all, a country's right to exist doesn't clash with my utter confusion at their way of life. Like I said, to align with Palestine's rights isn't the same as aligning with their culture.

I am completely against the idea of obliterating an entire community's existence because it poses an obstacle to your needs or desires. So yeah, I stand with Palestine's right to exist. I'd be lying if I said I'm supportive of their culture or religion. Should be irrelevant how I feel, is my point.

And it's nearly impossible to have a genuine conversation about it nowadays. The US has more in common with Israel than Palestine. I mean, Palestine doesn't represent much of what the US stands for. It isn't a sentiment against Palestine to admit you haven't much in common with em.

On Twitter, where I only talk about movies and games, it's become hard to discuss anything without someone trying to shoot you down. Life is not black and white. You can dislike or not love a Palestinian movie and be pro Palestine, as much as you can criticize genocide and not be antisemitic.

I dislike talking about current affairs as if had all the information. Doesn't really stop anyone from doing so, but I just don't feel comfortable making these grand statements of support/hatred for anyone without having at least some facts.

I’m in need of the very thing no one wants to give me: affection.

It's not that I want to look away and pretend none of it is happening, it's that I cannot bear to look anymore. There's only so many photos of dismembered children one can endure. I can't do shit about it.

What truly shatters me is knowing everything could be so much better if these people decided to make it happen. They choose not to help. Can't find anything more disheartening than that.