Tess Fowler Gutierrez

4x4 Art Book vol.1 - Paperback - with original drawing 4x4 Art Book vol.1 - Paperback Featuring 200+ original art pieces by Tess Fowler Size: 4.75" x 4.75" - Portrait Perfect (PUR), Full-color...

tessfowlerart.bigcartel.com/product/4x4-... 20 copies left. If I sell them all I keep this roof another month. Wootwoot. Who wants a fat little 200+ pg art book folks? They're right here. Step right up. Save a couple artists with every purchase. Xoxoxoxo

Yeah Chris and I agreed after digging out from under a lot of shame and embarrassment we'd rather go back and reraise ourselves from scratch unmasked than ever go back to our masked selves. Those 2 had issues. Lol They were so lost. And hi! Its so nice to meet you.

You too? Hi! Unmasking and regression are so exciting and so horrifying and yet such a giant relief but also I'm grieving. Lol I'm confused and scared every day and I don't remember how to do anything from my old masking life. How are you??

I like you. Can we be pals??

Oooooo pretty!!! That came out so nice!

Right?? That was our experience too. So worth it.

I've done a couple hardcovers, zines, art books and comics. Loved the quality of everything. I'd recommend them to anyone. Would love to see your zines!

I dont have a publisher but Mixam is an amazing printer with great prices. I swear by them. And they offer payment plans too. Pretty rad.

Spent 1am to 7am vomiting. Its stress. Past 5 years changed everything in my life inside and out. Cancer hit. We survived it. Chris went down hard. We figured out it was trauma and undiagnosed autism. Then I went down when I couldn't rescue him and we figured out from my paperwork I'm also autistic.

www.instagram.com/reel/DM7mso4... So if you've read that last thread from me, I do believe what happened last night was a shutdown. I'm still figuring it out as this is something that happened a lot to me before I knew I was autistic. I think I just found a big answer. Thank you for your patience!!

One day when I'm a full time hermit I'll make sure you're one of the few who knows how to find me. This social media is not for me anymore.

You have supported me more than you could ever possibly know. And I owe you big time my friend. I hope we can meet and hang one day. I really do.

Moving to a slower location and lifestyle would for sure help. 100% and I've been trying to make it happen since 2016. Unfortunately I'm still in treatments and my insurance is tied to me living here. Plus we just can't afford it. I'd do it in a heartbeat tho. I'm landlocked in LA likely forever.

4x4 Art Book vol.1 - Paperback - with original drawing 4x4 Art Book vol.1 - Paperback Featuring 200+ original art pieces by Tess Fowler Size: 4.75" x 4.75" - Portrait Perfect (PUR), Full-color...

tessfowlerart.bigcartel.com/product/4x4-... 20 copies left. If I sell them all I keep this roof another month. Wootwoot. Who wants a fat little 200+ pg art book folks? They're right here. Step right up. Save a couple artists with every purchase. Xoxoxoxo

Thank you!

💚💚💚 Thank you.

I nuked both because of the stress sadly. You can paypal if you like. I won't say no. We are horribly behind on rent with days to fix it. Thank you.

If you've read this far, thank you. Last night was a rough one. I'm going to be an offline hermit one day. Until then, I just need your patience and your belief. I'm getting there inch by inch. My plan is you'll have a shelf full of my life's work and you won't remember me at all. Just the paint. 💚

When you read the memoir and diary comics you'll have a better idea of my struggle since 2020. How we have been untangling unmasking autism. I plan to do more comics about it since other undiagnosed adults find my research and experiments helpful. I just want to speak thru my work instead of online.

You can email me or the shop. You can ping me here to get me to hunt for emails that haven't been returned in a week. Sometimes they hit spam. But I respond to emails at all hours of the day or night. So if its been 48 hrs the email might not have landed. But you just can't come at me with violence.

If I receive more death threats, or more messages wishing that cancer returns to kill me, I don't know if I can handle it. I'm not the masking version of me. I'm not old me. I'm broken me. Spent last night vomiting so hard I bled because I cannot handle that. I did it in the 2010s. I can't do it now

I've gotten us this far. I can go the distance. The goal is to have everything scanned and ordered before the end of the year. I'd like to go into 2026 current. If anything else implodes (losing insurance or my apt) it will delay me. But I honor my word and I'm committed to getting there.

Please don't message me death threats. Please try to understand that my life is permanently in the shitter and I've got one chance to survive. In order to fulfill everything and keep this roof over our heads I have to be online and fighting for it. I can't just go away until it's all fulfilled.

I'm here so that anyone with a package that hasn't arrived can reach me. So you know I'm present and its important to me and I'm still devoted to finishing what I began before cancer and covid and autism and trauma and politics and doctors and family broke me.

I am broken in a way I can't convey.

So I remain here, fighting for the last of a mission I always felt I was destined to fulfill. Once the memoir is out and the backlog fulfilled and every package reaches its destination, I am really wanting to retreat and leave social media. I honestly don't trust the world at large at all.

This is why I dreamed of leaving the country. I wanted a fresh start far away from anyone we ever knew. Now I know my urges to run have been due to neurodivergence. A nervous system that desperately needs a break. Get offline is the best advice. But if I do that I cannot pay my bills.

Remember when I talked about someone faking dying? Thats my father in law. That is the tip of a very big iceberg. There is a reason we don't have contact with family. Being on social media doesn't help. Living in downtown LA doesn't help. There's a protest spawn point NEXT DOOR. Our walks go past it

I've learned this is called "unmasking" and "regression". I study autism passionately to hunt for answers for me and Chris both. Its saved us over and over. Both of us unmasked and bloody and doing our fucking best to fix what was damaged being raised by wolves.

And it scares me. The version of me that did conventions and had a million online convos a day and called friends and went out to movies and dinners and was a whole functioning human is GONE. She died. All that is left is a raw, untested version of me I haven't seen since I was 15.

Unfortunately I am behind every month and wind up under stress that sits on top of stress from insurance fighting, and the wear and tear of trying to heal a nervous system that has been dysregulated my entire life. I literally don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not the Tess you think you know.