Naomi Alderman

Psychology says people who constantly apologize for things that aren't their fault aren't being polite. They grew up in an environment where someone else's bad mood was always their responsibility to ... That reflexive 'sorry' you can't stop saying was never about politeness — it was a survival strategy you learned before you had the language to name what was happening in your home.

"Psychology says people who constantly apologize for things that aren't their fault aren't being polite. They grew up in an environment where someone else's bad mood was always their responsibility to fix." share.google/LxDa6ftaoJmN...

I mean surely not as bad as Truss? Surely.

oh I am DELIGHTED to hear that!

at least you didn't read it 30 years from now! <3

yes I think in many relationships this is the much better alternative to cutting ties. just to accept what the other person is and isn't.

(in some relationships you do have to cut ties, and if that's true for you, you know it. I'm not arguing with you about your family/ex-friends.)

This is a good overview of a thought process I find very useful: identify what people in your life are good at & appreciate that, instead of trying to get them to fill roles that they neither suit nor want. Accept who they are rather than pinning hopes on who you want them to be.

yes, I think you can only really stop wanting it when you have totally filled up your cupboards from other shops.

I think you have to say out loud "I'm so sorry but I'm not selling shoes anymore"

yes it was incredibly fortunate. that, actually, is love. love isn't giving your kids everything they need but helping and supporting them to find what they need elsewhere, if you don't have it

I must say this for both my parents - neither of them have ever been anything but delighted when I found other people who could give me things in relationship that they don't have. My mum was so supportive of my finding extra mentors/motherly figures. And she had needed the same re: her own mum.

a person who tries to stop you going to another shop is not a person you should keep around.

if you keep going to the shoe shop for cheese that will get frustrating for everyone, and there will be anger.

if you don't ask them for cheese, but they try to stop you getting cheese anyway: run away

love this, brilliant

I know I sound a bit evangelical but: when you properly let this into your head, it really does change everything

don't go to the shoe shop to buy plates or vice-versa. one of the most valuable things I've learned in therapy. plus! under the line: 17 free or not-expensive things that have brought me disproportionate joy this month

I wrote about one of the most useful things I've ever learned in therapy. It can actually change your life - certainly did mine.

naomialderman.substack.com/p/dont-go-to...

Sometimes those stories can be a little bit dry. But this one is not.

Karen Russell Reads Louise Erdrich Karen Russell joins Deborah Treisman to read and discuss “The Stone,” by Louise Erdrich, which was published in The New Yorker in 2019. Russell is the author of six books of fiction, including the…

please listen to this story at once, my goodness it is a weird amazing balm for the soul

pca.st/episode/c111...

did he volunteer his brain cells for it?

bsky.app/profile/naom...

I know this phrase had a transphobic origin but, as they say, every accusation is a confession (at least many of them are) and I am pretty sure that the idea here is to create a person/large number of human brain cells who identifies as an attack helicopter.

Daniel I am 100% sure this is why they're doing it

and obviously for medical translation the problems of using it for "translating an essay about history" are massively larger. thankfully my work is not as important as yours!

yes, for translation. I am very happy to use it for translation for my own personal use (eg a French life-coaching podcast I enjoy). for published/broadcast work I'm happy to use Google Translate to get a sense of a piece *as long as* I have an expert I can send it to as well.

I think this is the thing. I feel completely comfortable relying on it for research AS LONG AS before I publish whatever it is I also have a human expert in the mix.

yes, this is a perfectly respectable view (really) which I do not hold

I don't think it's "PhD level intelligence"! for one thing, any serious person with a PhD *would not do that without flagging it*. But basically it is fucking with our markers. Any human who could do that would be reasonable to treat as an absolute expert in the subject.

well, would Juvenal have published it as his own work? I am SURE not. the Latin did work. and, how much skill would a person in our world have to have to write even a pastiche of a Juvenal satire in even adequate Latin within 30 seconds?

If he can, he’s the greatest Classicist of his generation or arguably any generation since Montaigne

I don’t think he can on the spot within 30 seconds make up 60 perfect lines of Latin that are an incredible pastiche of Juvenal, no

Not Even, though. With Boris Johnson, you can learn something about the personality from that. This is something different. I think trying to read it in human terms, even in lying human terms is a mistake.

Actually, thinking back the thing that really gave it away was that the text it claimed to have found for me was much too perfect. Because I knew the sources like the back of my hand by that point, I felt that if this had existed, I would surely have seen it already.