MILITARY SEX DJINN

Greek Mystery rites, today on patreon

www.patreon.com/c/cryptotheism

Guy who just got hit with a Persian spear: only fatty meats and wine can save me

The best line in Moby Dick is when Ismael describes a whale with indigestion as if "baleful winds were holding a mad Christmas inside him"

It seemed like Melville was doing it on purpose. Idk. I might be stupid.

"The woke left calls it a map of causality" [squints at the camera like he's confused]

Toddling ambitiously towards my desires like a child towards an unsupervised firearm

I see why magicians in the middle ages were trying to summon demons to beam all collected knowledge of a subject directly I to your head. Attempting to summarize the entire history of Jewish deviant theology is very hard.

I wish you could lock in extra hard and become successful in like a week. But no I chose a career that requires constant effort over the course of years to produce anything of real value. Embarrassing!

Piracy?

Sub Drive: If You Get Me to 1000 Patreon Subscribers, I will Attempt To Join the Freemasons.

www.patreon.com/c/cryptotheism

If The Undertaker was a real guy I would alert the proper authorities

I can't believe people are suggesting this even though our nation is still healing from the trauma of September 11th.

The Brickster wanted me to tell you he thinks you look fine as hell

acrylic markers and pastel chalk pitchurrrr

Delaying the release of my album about Travis Kelce's penis for reasons I don't feel comfortable discussing at the moment.

An entire generation of pasty irony-poisoned mouthbreathers are going to spend the rest of their lives chasing the high of posting racist memes on Twitter in the pre-election summer of 2016.

I'm just checking

cryptotheism - Twitch MAKING YOUR DAY A LITTLE MORE MAGIC WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT

I feel like talking about mystical ascent literature and playing warframe. Come hang out.
www.twitch.tv/cryptotheism

MILF == "dowager baddie"

I love to inhale this sort of whimsical shit

I really like the ceremonial-looking embellishments on the prosthetic

18 different colored, six-sided dice, every face with a unique custom symbol.

Live now!! The FINAL EDITION of the oracle dice, with 6 new dice by Bee Ho.

@pubgob.bsky.social’s concepts, and (mostly) symbols drawn by me. @cryptotheism.bsky.social and Sam Dow each have a die as well. @ezraillo.bsky.social illustrated the Lords of the Dice.

www.kickstarter.com/projects/pub...

Risencrantz and Grindenstern Get Bread

Hades 3 should be about Rabbi Akiva trying to measure the body of God.

this is basically portland's version of a haka

Eat God a tabletop roleplaying game about causing problems on purpose

"Eat God" is live on Kickstarter:

www.kickstarter.com/projects/pen...

Be a blue-furred social justice advocate with detachable limbs, a many-eyed horror with strong opinions about metaphysics, or a jet-powered telepathic crab and stick it to the Man though the power of gratuitous cartoon violence.

Convening my most powerful generals to call them gay little fat boys who are too pussy to kill civilians: my new "drunk stepdad" theory of government.

They shoulda let that Venezuelan gambler who faked his golden ticket go to Wonka's factory. Like fuck it. Let him hang out with Augustus Gloop.

on the left, we have my cheeky lil' self indulgent self insert, the onion rogue, and on the right, @cryptotheism.bsky.social 's mattie!

You wouldn't be mad at me for performing at the Riadyh comedy festival if you saw how I had those slaves laughing.