voiveli

idk what kind of sick ass people pleaser behavior it is to worry that my depressed ass is disappointing or distressing for people to see but im very tired of the amount of overthinking my brain manages to trick me into doing

wish I could stop overthinking every social situation!🫠 the fear of disappointing or upsetting people (for..being depressed..?) is exhausting! I ended up seeing friends and nervously doodling garfields so mission succesful I guess!!

I left the house, saw my friends and survived! until I got home and spiraled the rest of the day.. but i'm glad I tried :( i'm so tired of constant anxiety, fear and grief..

trying to be really brave today and leave the apartment and see people!! I can't mask as well as I usually do so i'm pretty sure people will notice how exhausted I am.. but oh well.. atleast i'm trying

I can't remember the last time i've been so low. Maybe i've reached a new rock bottom. I just struggle with everything and anything, barely surviving. Blessed to have my gf reminding me to eat or drink. I'm just drowning in utter despair.

I'm worried I might not be able to finish my comic for Kuplii this year. I'm just extremely unwell, depressed and anxious. Unable to do anything. I'm just stuck feeling like shit. The world scares me. It's hard to find any hope. I'm just terrified of everything, and I can't shake that feeling off.

Got prescriped even more new meds, this time they're meant for epilepsy but they work for anxiety disorder as well. I've been really unwell after we lost Riemu, her death really left me feeling empty and everything turned cold. I'm stuck feeling like i'm constantly being chased by someone..

Idk if I like these meds or not, last night I had the third night in a row with barely any sleep because I felt so restless while laying in bed, bUT I have gotten shit done... I just.. don't really enjoy being alive at all. I'm turning into a robot.

I'm lowkey afraid to leave the house because i'm scared I act more weird than usual in front of people lol end me

I've gotten a lot shit done - just not the shit I should have. Love living with my brain!!!

I haven't updated about my current med situation - but.. I am now going through a MANIC EPISODE! Idk what to tell you, my body is exhausted but my brain refuses to chill. I keep moving like someone is poking my ass with a pitch fork. I don't feel like myself at ALL! Great pills doc.

；p

Little Menace - Goblin 1
OOAK handmade art doll
#artdoll

7 panel comic P1:a humanoid cat, from the lower torso up, holding a cigarette in their right hand. Their head and upper body are draped in stark shadow, but their eyes and mouth are visible. They say "cat comix? Yeah, I know all about cat comix" P2: a beat, as look up P3: they lean in to take a drag of the cigarette, briefly lighting their face P4: the image goes negative; black is white, white is black. The cat's face looks contemplative, as they hold in the smoke P5: colours back to normal, the smoke swims out of the cat's mouth in great thick tendrils P6: a beat as the cat watches the smoke dissipate P7: a large panel taking up the lower half of the page. The cat, with a cheeky look on their face, says "heh. So. Here's deg ting about cat comix. You stick a cat in an otherwise meiocah comic, and folks? Folks, dey go NUTS for it, can't get enuff of it. Two tings certain in life: death, and folks loving a cat comic"

cat comix

Bounty hunter, yay ❤️
#darkestdungeon

My adhd meds didn't help whatsoever. If I close my eyes my head starts going around like i'm on a merry-go-round.. I forced myself to go out with the dogs and couldn't get up from the floor for 20 minutes after we got in.. I want to go back to bed and never get up..

It feels like i'm not in my body at all, i'm staring at my phone from far away from my head. I feel like there's three layers of me, each pulled apart from the other ones, side by side. I was so angry at absolutely nothing that my brain decided to pull out the plug completely. I feel like a ghost.

I upped my new meds dosage yesterday, and I actually slept. Had dreams, not nightmares.. but.. I am barely awake despite getting up three hours ago.. I'm dissociating real bad, I was insanely grumpy when I forced myself to get out of bed, and was fuming with rage. Now, I can't feel a thing.

An illustration of a comet hitting an ice cube that says "ABOLISH ICE" with "No human is illegal" in the bottom left corner

I've been more naive than I am now. I believed everyone was good. Now I can tell apart niceness and kindness better. Cutting ties to your own mother really forces you to grow in a way you never expect. It's kinda exhausting to doubt everyone though..

When you grow up bullied and outcasted, you become really desperate for people. I used to be like that. When my comicblog got "big", I suddenly had tons of people trying to get close to me, and I let everyone in with open arms. But it took me a long time to learn what their motives were..

I've only recently realized how many people got close to me just because they found my suffering entertaining. Like I was just content to them to gossip about, and laugh about behind my back. I'm happy I have learned what real friends are supposed to be now, and I have them.

In the nightmare my mom held a party with all of my ex-friends. Big oof.. I hate that part of my brain still misses those people, even though they were horrible to me. They just happened to be the first friends I thought I had, before I knew what friends are supposed to be like.. They didn't like me

This night I had dreams again, one was a nightmare but the second one was just me walking the dogs during summer near a lake. So I did actually sleep more, waking up less. Huh. That's pretty cool I guess.

there is no you #deltarune

First night with the new meds, I don't even know how to describe it.. it felt like I didn't sleep, it felt like I was just laying in bed the whole night while hearing voices coming from around my room.. like, walking, talking, sudden screams.. idk what to think of it🧍‍♂️

shouldn't have googled the new med, everyone is just telling to stay away from it... :)💦 gotta love being a test subject

They switched my meds again, and now i'm forced to stop multiple previous meds as well as the ones they prescribed me last time😐 Well.. we'll see how the new ones treat my brain!

it's honestly such a curse to be able to remember your dreams when you wake up, parts of them keep looping in my brain..

Feels like i'm starting to get numb to nightmares, they've been going on for over a month now.. Last night I drowned in a tar pit, in another night I had to watch my granma die again, third one had a massive thunder storm that caused humanity to regress hundreds of years and I was burned alive :)👍