I should get credit for not attending Jeff Bezo's wedding even though I wasn't invited.

a nation on edge holds its breath as the former host of celebrity apprentice huddles with his advisors, the wrestlemania ceo and the former co-host of fox & friends weekends

I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I suspect the current leadership of the united states of america may not be as competent or as honest as we'd probably prefer.

Tweet from Kanye West saying “Broooos please noooooo 🫂 We love you both so much”

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha (breath) hahahahahahaha

It’s probably bad that the future of America’s government pivots on a fight between Lex Luthor and the Joker

Please don’t put an Autobot sticker on your car if it’s not going to transform into a robot that gets the fuck out of my way.

ALL FLEETWOOD MAC SONGS THAT DO NOT FEATURE A STEVIE NICKS LEAD VOCAL ARE NOW TARIFFED AT 250%

all my friends on the spectrum, rfk just said you don't have to pay taxes anymore... congratulations! drinks are on you!

note: this is sarcasm, we have kids dying of measles in Texas and he is doing jack squat besides saying take vitamin A... but instead is railing against autism? 🤬

street signs

watching an entire country shoot its own dick off for no apparent reason

Yes, the stock market may be tanking and our national security apparatus has never been more vulnerable and we're on the verge of both economic collapse and war, but it was all worth it to keep pronouns out of email signatures.

Wall Street bets discord is so goddamn funny right now

There are 33m companies in the USA. Only 21k employe 500 or more. And they only make up 23% of workers.

Trump and Elon are ignoring the more than 32m entrepreneurs that can't afford to build a new factory or pay tariffs or absorb cancelled contracts.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A “TRADE DEFICIT”—IT’S JUST CALLED “BUYING THINGS.” YOU DO NOT HAVE A TRADE DEFICIT WITH YOUR DENTIST JUST BECAUSE HE NEVER BUYS ANYTHING FROM YOU.

like I said, worst timeline 🫥

We simply had to intentionally destroy the world’s strongest economy while dismantling our scientific and educational infrastructure to ensure that a team with a trans girl would never finish second place in the Mountain West volleyball standings again

Yes, Pete Hegseth and Michael Waltz violated all sorts of national security protocols by sharing military secrets with a journalist. But at least they were White when they did this.

by Charlie Kirk

Up way too early, on my way to Vegas for a few days… but back Thursday just in time to turn around and head to Lake
Charles for a Friday and Saturday show at the Golden Nugget. 😅 who needs sleep?

All this doom ain’t gonna scroll itself

You should laugh at anyone who says the president should have unlimited power because he was elected. His power has to be limited *because* he's the president. This is fifth grade level social studies

This is horrible to post, but I may as well post it. We are essentially shutting down research operations in my group, which is focused on treatments for pediatric brain cancer. I’m a well funded investigator, and there’s no choice. Science can’t function without the stability of NIH

Alina Habbard posted: NOTHING CAN STOP THIS MAN FROM FIGHTING FOR HIS COUNTRY.
David Simon had a succinct 2-word response: “Bone spurs.”

Ready Fire Aim is a lousy way to govern.

Nazi punks fuck off for sure but I'd love for nazis who like other types of music and ones who don't like music at all to also fuck off

Stacy's mom's medicare is gone

Playing a private gig downtown Austin tonight. Then back to Lake Charles at the Golden Nugget Friday and Saturday. Will I see you there? 😎

The good news is i saved you 60 billion dollars. The bad news is that is a typo i saved you 600 dollars and also your plane is falling out of the sky

Asking people if they wanna see a cool rock you found is so important, because that’s the best way to know if you should invite them into your blanket fort to look at the Guinness book of world records