Lauren Flans

oops all friday the 13ths

TOMORROW!

i know a guy who's in the market for a word like this. i'll text him.

Sadly, I do not. I am old, so middle school was a very long time ago 😂

OMG FIND IT!!!

Also, I have tried in vain to track down this short story that has stayed with me for literal decades, but I've never found it. I think it's possible that one of my classmates actually wrote it?? But I could swear we were in middle school?? Anyway, it's basically come true, so that's not great.

When I was in middle school, we read a short story where the narrator is writing a letter in a dystopian future and it ends with "I have to go to bed now; the Burger King is rising" because the sun has been branded by Burger King. Anyway, that's what "Crypto.com Arena" makes me feel like.

The phrase "Crypto.com Arena" depresses me to my very bones.

"sorry I died"

Too true.

when u can't remember why u came up here

a woman in a plaid jacket is waving her hand in front of a tree Alt: Kamala Harris waving

me welcoming the iran drones to california 🙂

We regret to inform you the corn has appropriated Japanese culture 😔

ok but if u love telling lies how do i know if i can trust u about the butt thing

AS HE SHOULD

His face is like "This place is practically empty; why is service so slow? 😒" 🤣

Hey, Covid-conscious followers! I'm part of the group that's putting on this festival next month and I'll also be hosting the open mic on April 17th (see thread below)! We've got some very cool artists and performances lined up, and are locking in even more. Save the date! 😷🎭 #covidconscious #maskup

this is the best mini-thread/family newsletter i have ever read 🦝

i will notify The Lord's accountant

just know that you are doing The Lord's work 🙏💗

happy as a clam ☺️

It's actually 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 that everyone is so overwhelmed and burnt out right now that it's next to impossible to get an email or text back from anybody! This is sustainable!

😍😍😍

a man with a crown on his head and the words it 's good to be the king Alt: Mel Brooks says "It's good to be the king."

Just giving the King what he deserves 🙏

🤣

pls clap