Nettle

Mastery 5 on Rakan. He's good fun.

But I still hate his smug face.

I was going to try to have mid lane as my secondary role so I could escape tragic supports...but it turns out I find mid to be quite dull. Even if I love the champion.

And well at the bf's suggestion I tried out Kai'sa and immediately fell in love.

So yea. Bot lane it is.

I'm not a very good AD but I'm much better than I thought I would be.

I miss taytos and white pudding.

Trying beyond the point of burnout is turning me into something I hate.

I lost who I was a long time ago. It has just been echoes since and they have nearly faded.

I suppose this is why I get forgotten. Because I am essentially already gone.

There is a saying that goes something like: "repeating the same thing and expecting a different result is insanity"

People usually understand this until the thing you're trying to do is find joy.

Then you get told you're not trying enough.

And that being tired after a lifetime isn't an excuse.

Want to play league but my body says no 😡

This account has become a dumb mini diary - badly documenting my exhaustion with my own company.

Dreading the end of the year, and the start of the next.

Honestly I'd like to delete all these milestones from my life. I don't need more reminders of how hopelessly stuck I am.

Just switch me off please switch me off

I give up. I may as well not exist. I want to disappear. I don't want to know what comes after. I just want my awareness of existence to stop. Less than a handful would be impacted and I'm exhausted with the constant reminders of it. I tried and I give up. I want to just stop existing.

Mastery 10 on Nami. Supposedly she's the best blind pick supp, but for now I still blind play Senna better.

I miss Brawl.

Where Winds Meet is an excellent game, and it's providing much needed distraction from...well almost everything.

Yea

I regret trying again.

I am just so done with being awake. Alert. Aware of anything. Every escape is taken away, tanited, or wants to constantly remind me of why I want to escape in the first place.

I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I am so tired.

Stopped playing Nami ages ago because I was crap with her Q. Started playing her again in Brawl, and turns out I'm now fairly decent with it.

Less than a week of Brawl left. I'm going to miss it :(

A bit less so now. A bit.

Still do

I want to rip my face off and be swallowed by the ground

I'm so disappointed that right now it feels like I won't watch the race again.

It doesn't happen every tier, but too often the timing of when the various regions can start is too strong a deciding factor on the winner.

Only race in the world in which some regions get a head start. It's dumb.

I'm genuinely starting to feel like I have an issue with auditory processing. Add to the pile of symptoms I guess.

I just want to hide from everyone. I'm tired of just being a mess of symptoms ruining everyone's games.

I need to quit but there's no one to replace me. I'm tired of getting angry and being shit company. I'm tired of constantly being reminded of how stupid I am. I'm tired.

Lol it's like Riot heard me. Just had an Aram match in which we were both balanced teams. We won and it wasn't a faceroll. We had to fight for it. Fun match.

Man I don't know what's going on with Aram these past few weeks...I'm almost constantly against teams full of junglers and tanks while my team is a squish fest. When the enemy team gets enough items they win just by outliving us.

Yes yes I know git gud, but I'm still only one person.

I'm so tired

Who I was is gone. I don't have an identity outside of my health anymore. And this is why I'm easily forgotten.

Maybe it's both. Probably both.

I'm not mad at anyone. No one is being malicious.

They just got better things to do. I get it. I don't want to hang out with me either. But I don't have a choice.

It's been like this since my health got much worse. I must be unpleasant to be with but everyone pities me too much to say so. Or how good I was at games carried my friendships much more than I had thought.

I'm not sure which is worse. They're both shit. Same result anyway - on the sidelines.

Been a tough few weeks. It's a little less tough now, thankfully. There is stuff I need to do. Maybe in a few days I can finally complete that stuff. It's been far too long.

Got the Masked Justice Senna skin and I think it's my new favourite skin. The visual and sound effects are amazing.