brick

*gavel gavel* innocent here's $80

But your honor, I was in the luteal phase

guys rock

hell yeah that's right

Soup of the day: affogato

we're very lucky to exist in their timeline

friggin capricorns

it really tickles me when Kermit the frog introduces himself and clarifies that he's a frog just so no one's surprised

I fuckin knew you were talking about amphorae I knew it

the american middle class never should have existed

wait how old are the jars

studies have shown that normal conversations are boring

I get a lot of intrusive unwelcome realizations and today's was that if you want to know what your kid's weirdest friend is going to grow up to be like, Hi!

grab me a saw or some javelins if they got any

🤠

when will they make perfumes and colognes so I can smell like Hollywood stars and celebrities

niceee

oh hey mazel tov buddy

I know we're not supposed to say stuff like "well that's diagnostic criteria for a personality disorder",

raven? more like quathen

*damsels even moreso*

Firefly is absolutely the mojo dojo casa house version of Buffy I hope that makes sense

😅

the sexual tension between me, the railroad tracks to which I'm tied, and the rapidly approaching steam locomotive

I never did anything like that again I tell you what

i am a simple woman, i see a mountain, i go “oh my god” every two seconds

i’m so gay

We had a white friend’s dad’s cooler. We used to mix everclear with countrytime lemonade and call it holy water bc the cooler had “Property of Pastor James” on the lid

also one time I pulled my scrote through the fly of my dungarees and showed it to my friend like "I think I sat in gum" and he tagged me square in the nards with a half full pbr