🃏—— 𝓙𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐑⋆˚࿔

What—?! WHAT?!

No! No! No! What is this! I didn't add my funds to that! Call me insane all you'd like, damn it, but I know the Earth is round!

And the flying- WHAT?!

Ping! New messages!

"Thank you for donating to the Flat Earth Society! Your life time membership is very valuable to us! Check our daily newsletter in the link below!"

"Your donation to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is deeply appreciated. A parcel with your initiation colander hat +

WHAT?! MY FUNDS!!

Why isn't my link working?

You will get a sentimental feeling when you hear -- voices singin' let's be jolly! Deck the halls with with boughs of holly!!

Rockin' around the Christmas tree

Have a happy holiday

Everyone dancin' merrily in the new old-fashioned way~!!!

// No no go ahead Windy. Its fine.

Ohooohooo~! Hello, Gotham!!!

The sun is away, the weather's cold, and there's a -- hm hm.. major gas leak just three blocks over that I had absolutely nothing to do with! Probably! Very flammable.

Oh what a GREAT day! And not a hideous bat in sight!! Or birdbrain! Eeyuck!

"Unfortunately, sir, as much as I'd love to share. That's a personal matter and today's call is about your tax evasion."

"A very serious crime! Only the worst of the worst people do it."

spooky❥

pyro: oh boy my spouse is on their way home from work, i cant wait to MAKE THEM RAGE

// 😘

He's sad of a definitely real broken heart!!!

// I love ragebaiting Spooky 🥳

It works every time

He's still waiting for that returned call ....

"Hello? Hello, hello??? Who is this..? This is granny Withers. He-Hello? Are you there??? Sonny boy, speak up, won't you?? Granny's a bit hard of hearin'."

A slow raised brow at the voicemail, a scoff when he finally returns the call, clearing his throat.

"Oh! It's just awful! AWFUL, I TELL YOU! I've never had my heart so shattered into two!!! Except for that time back in the 90s but ugh. Pamela.. But you're NO DEAN!! I thought I WAS SPECIAL!"

"What do I want? What don't I want?"

"We'll get there when we get there. Say, champ! What sort of coffin do you prefer? Satin interior? Velvet? Red? Black? I'm curious. These order forms are so demanding for specifics!"

You did me a favor, not that I plan on giving you any thanks for the bare minimum!"

"You can keep your pound of flesh. Maybe 155 pounds actually. Depends on the guy. Anywho! Don't waste my time again."

A yawn while picking up the phone & returning the call -- much, much later than it's recieved. Busy man.

"You -- Yes, yes. That's all fine and dandy. Congrats on doing absolutely nothing and wasting your time. You're killing off me crew? Eh! Would have done it myself! Who needs 'em! --

"Oh uh -- I'm a friendly guy around Metropolis. I do charities through the weekend. We raise money for little orphan boys. We've probably bumped into one another! Small world and all that."

// im innocent 🥳

// nuhuh <3

// guyysss I didnt doo anythinnggg

// i like daisies

spooky❥

im killing pyro and then myself

//you guys think Steve voring people is bad but Pyro can do this???

// HELP SPOOKY CALLED ME IMMEDIATELY

Goodbye, everyone. These are my final words 🙂‍↕️

"Kitten? It's daddy. I miss you."

"I know things were rocky and I couldn't be with you anymore after you took off the mask-- but daddy missed your voice. The way you quiver. The way you taste. How you cry when I shove my big, fat co--"

Static interrupts the rest of the message.