Bob Heller

[Super hero registration]

"So bat man, you're blind I suppose."

"No."

"But you can fly? Like a bat?"

"Nope."

"Um so"

"I'M BATMAN"

"K"

SUPERMAN: I have super strength

FLASH: I have super speed

AQUAMAN: I control sea creatures

GREEN ARROW: I tell cars when to turn left

I just saw a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette and now I feel like smoking a cigarette and impregnating a woman.

Welp, peed on my balls again.

*flicks cigarette butt after taking a long drag*

here’s the thing-

[there is a massive explosion because i forgot i’m at a gas station]

Seems sensible. We should all put a percentage of our income towards that end.

I currently have just a mustache so I think I’m safe unless they change the rules again.

Hey, I think I might be able to shoot you for calling me baby under the new rules. Watch out!!!!

Hey new rules! You are allowed to shoot someone if they have a beard and a phone. USA!!!

I like that song where the girl is on fire

Patriots gonna pate

I respect the Patriots, but their fans are annoying. Which is basically how I feel about Jesus

Bovino sounds like some sort of yogurt that has poison on the bottom.

Bovino makes Bovino look like a big pile of bovino.

WSJ headline that reads "Federal agents claimed Alex Pretti forced their hand in the Minneapolis shooting. These videos appear to tell a different story"

"Federal agents claimed Alex Pretti forced their hand in the Minneapolis shooting. They are clearly lying, however"

Hey everybody, feel free to shoot each other if you think somebody is thinking about shooting a gun! NEW RULES!!!

USA #1

Oops! I just bovinoed my pants.

A nurse. A researcher. A helper.

Hey everybody, it’s okay to shoot a person if multiple federal agents beat them first!!

New rules!!!!! Have fun out there!!!!

Hey everybody, feel free to murder anyone who has a gun!!!

New rules!!! Awesome country*!!!!

*to Trump voters who have trouble understanding things such as words and morality, that is sarcasm.

I suppose if anyone has a gun, drives a car, or has a face, we can shoot them dead.

New rules!!!

Oh well then, I take it back.

Bovino just said live that all federal law enforcement “have been under constant attack.”

That is a lie. Or. . . Greg Bovino doesn’t know what “attack” means.

Somehow I think it is a little bit of both.

It’s a lot like a farting mouth

Maybe if the National Waffle Association lobbied harder than the National Rifle Association, there would be less mass shootings and more waffles.

and if i said waffle fries are the best invention what then —

The Bobscar, a statue with the body of an Oscar but the head of Bob Heller. This is an award given to shit posters for excellence in shit posting.

I’ve lost my thesaurus. I've lost it. It's lost.

"ROVE RATE"

- Scooby Doo's knuckle tattoos

She hyucked on me until I gawrshed