Stagger McTipsy, AKA Captain Awesome Motherfucker

They've always done that. You think Elvis and The Beatles were marketed to old folk?

He's probably more qualified than most of the other candidates. At least in that condition he can't fuck things up any worse, which is more than I can say about any living, present person.

Please don't ruin female anatomy for me. It's one of the last things left I can still enjoy.

Well at least our concentration camps have cute little nicknames, unlike those boring humorless Nazis.

It's too bad the Vikings don't have a quarterback like Sam Darnold, or even Daniel Jones...

@sammonson.com Let me set a scene: Jaxson Dart has already spent time in the medical tent. The Giants are up 10 in the 4th quarter with around 12:00 left following a Giants interception of Jalen Hurts. Why in the flying flippety fuck would you call a running play for Dart?!? Insanity or stupidity?

Yup, octopus was treating himself to a fresh expensive gourmet seafood buffet every night then just innocently sitting there by the time the employees showed up.

Did you hear about how they had to make the enclosure more secure? Before, the octopus would sneak out at night and go eat from the other exhibits, then head back to its own pad before the place opened.

He's still going with the "Everyone is responsible for it except the people who actually did it" claim.

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A typical Democrat strategy: Sit by silently until it's time to start hawking something. Make some money off books and speeches while remaining ineffective, complicit, and irrelevant.

If his ratings are the same, that clearly means too many stupid people are still alive.

Does it count if I only like 50%? I think the pranks are fucking hilarious, but the stunts where it's like "I'm going to go down a hill in a shopping cart and pretend I got hit in the balls even though I'm clearly fine" don't do anything for me.

Heading down the path? Already went down the path; the path is in the far distance now.

Kenvue should sue Trump and RFK Jr.

Steal it.

Why pay for it?

Way ahead of you there.

You should see him in The Iceman.

Use the link to see the pedophiles in your state:

Precisely. How many protested the war in Vietnam?

If I'm next in line, I hope they have their affairs in order.

It's pretty easy to be ready to spend $1 billion of someone else's money.

I would watch that show, but only if there was truth in advertising. If all the greedy lying selfish backstabbing contestants got killed off one by one, I'd totally buy every season.

Women are smarter than men and there are more of them. Yet men have ruled the world since recorded history. Ladies, I'd say it's high time to look in the mirror and ask yourself why that is.

I just wish Trump lived in a fantasy world that was at least entertaining to hear about, preferably with unicorns and leprechauns and shit like that.

I wish they had done it intentionally; that would be funny.

This seems a bit alarming...

A great movie, and my personal favorite of all the Marx Brothers films. Harpo outdoes himself in this one.

Attempting to rig elections on his behalf.

Turning the military on citizens.

Toying with the idea of declaring martial law.

Attacking political enemies and punishing those who speak out against his regime.

If this were happening in another country, what would you call it?