lord kinbote

Dumb fuckers happy that a powerful dumb fucker agrees with them

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common

Same middle name

Twins lost 2 of 3 to the NL-worst Rockies a couple weeks ago. Soon afterward they traded 10 of their best players, then replaced them with a bunch of AAA players and randos from the waiver wire. So of course they now go take 2 of 3 from the AL-best Tigers. Baseball, man

Spencer Torkelson, aka SpenTork

Fewer playoff teams

Smithers lies to Monty Burns that his boos are people chanting “Boo-urns.”

“Uh, no, when you were on the roof they were shouting ‘Trump! Trump!”

There is no chance DJT lives to the end of his term. He’s going to break his neck falling down some stairs at 3 am

Yes we are in awe of the tremendous power and prestige of teachers

I’d like to meet whoever came up with the idea of a “return window.” I would like to “have a few words with” them

Which is the best nickname for the new look Minnesota Twins?

A) Pirates West
B) Marlins North
C) Athletics East

But we can build a nuclear reactor on the moon apparently

Nuclear reactor on the moon? Sure. Oil refinery at the North Pole? Let’s do this. Amusement park at the bottom of the sea? Why the hell not

It amuses me that there is a band called The Sea and Cake and there is a song called Cake by the Ocean but the song Cake by the Ocean is not by the band The Sea and Cake

The New York Times Puts An Asterisk On A Starving Child The Times takes the bait on Israeli propaganda

My latest newsletter, about The New York Times' "correction" of its story about starvation in Gaza, and what it says about their adherence to Israeli propaganda.

I want a big-budget movie about the Civic Minded Five. Jason Momoa as Captain Mucilage, Andy Serkis doing motion capture for Carpeted Man, etc.

Is that Rich Becker out in left field

I hope today’s Immaculate Grid asks for players who were with the Twins and the Phillies, Dodgers, Cubs, Blue Jays, Rays, Tigers, Astros and Rangers

This was ugly. I’m genuinely upset. I can see trading free agents-to-be and I even get cashing in Duran/Jax when their value is high. But unceremoniously dumping your superstar shortstop for nothing? Trading a talented, cheap reliever with years of control left? It’s like a middle finger to the fans

Hopefully Twins’ trade deadline fire sale is followed by the team sale: takeaways The Twins are eating $33 million of the $104 million left on Carlos Correa's contract in a shocking roster dismantling.

My immediate takeaway from the Twins' trade deadline: Hopefully the fire sale is followed by the team sale

www.nytimes.com/athletic/652...

Well it’s Kody Clemens’ team now

We’re Twins fans. We know

Less than 2 years ago I was watching an exciting team win their first playoff series in 20+ years. Target Field was packed and the future looked bright. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED

they call them "the twins" in honor of the only two people on the roster

Derek Falvey goes full arsonist. What the actual fuck

Now Jax and Varland too? This is getting absolutely insane

Paddack, Duran, Stewart, Bader, Correa, Coulombe. I assume Castro will also be gone by EOD. Outside chance on Jax and Vazquez too. I’ve never seen them blow things up to this extent

He had some fantastic moments.

As a Twins fan, the last two years have been the most disheartening since the dark days of contraction. Getting Correa was such a coup, and they looked poised to be perennial contenders after ‘23. Instead ownership decided to pinch pennies and the young position players regressed. Now it’s all gone

The only guys the Twins can’t get rid of are the freaking Pohlads, amirite