trouteyes

The bloke who re-carpeted our stairs today used to be cabin crew with B.A.

Lovely touch when he finished and said "enjoy your flight".

Windsor Davies

half a pound
of basmatti rice
half a pound
of tofu

In the 90's, my friend Kenny invented Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, and to this day, he's never received so much as a penny.

Goose

Go 'snack'

Thanks for the support! X

Harry Heape kids books

My books are for kids ❤️

Clarinet guy

Lady Di

Souness stares at Socrates

Love finds you when you're ready ❤️

Bottle of Vanish

Bottle of Vanish gone

rain possible in the next hour

Person wearing a bird mask. Black and white photo.

I ❤️ CUMBRIA

Common Peephole     She came from Greece, she had a faulty socket. Her eye fell out, she couldn’t stop it.   That’s when I caught her eye. Brian Bilston

Pulp poetry.

For being green, there is great hope of help.

Sandy from Shetland

Toah from Shetland

Cakes made with Butternut Squash Sandy? Are you sure?

Aye Tosh. I'm sure. Spotted it a mile off. I'd recognise that texture anywhere.

WE NEED TO TALCUM POWDER KENNETH

Waste Paper
ADD TO BASKET

I'm *walking in the **air

*hoovering
**lounge

You walked in
to the party
like you were sneaking
into a yurt

If I lived in Milton Keynes, I'd call my house The Rising Sun. No two ways about it.

Tony Soprano

Farage trying to kiss disgusted lady

Getting to know you
#SnapesDisco
Getting to know all about you
#DeanGaffneysDubIgloo
Getting to like you
#ToyotaPrius
Getting to hope you like me
#HondaCivic

You say potato and I say potato
potato
potato
potato
potato
That's the only thing we say

Holt

WHO GOES THERE?

Don't read The Ugly Duckling. It's brutal. It's about a little duck and all the other birds tease it so bad, it has no choice but to leave town. I stopped after that bit. Too much.

"Keep your side of the road clean." In a world of dolourous news, all you can do is find one small thing - then try to fix it. And so me and the British Society of Magazine Editors are launching this - to find the next generation of writers AND PAY THEM. Screw you, AI. We still believe in writing.

Side eye goose

Don't shit under the apple tree with anyone else but me

Stick insects having sex

Hey you two, careful you don't start a fire!

Oh my goodness me Moose. I am so sorry to hear this awful news. Sending love to you all X

You can send me your Strava data of your latest run? Wow. Seriously? That would be so cool! Would really like to see it, and get right into the graphs, and all the fascinating detail of your jog. Thanks. Yes. Send it. Send it now!