Pleased to announce my wife and I finally completed a six hour negotiation to pick out the movie she's going to look at her phone to while I fall asleep on the couch 😅
If you don't use fast food napkins as Kleenex in your car, you must be in a whole different tax bracket
That hour we lost was the one I was going to use to get my life together…
Agree!
The USA's stock market is crashing so badly, it's almost as if the country is being run by someone who went bankrupt 6 times.
Shoutout to people who wash the dishes but leave the big pot to "soak."
You’re not fooling anyone😑
If you weigh 200 lbs on Earth, you only weigh 84 lbs on Mars, and 13 lbs on Pluto. So you're not fat, you're just on the wrong planet. 🤷🏻♂️
I accidentally used the dog’s shampoo this morning but I feel like such a good boy now.
🤔 …why Subway asking for a tip.. bro we literally made this sandwich together!
When did firing park rangers, scientists and air traffic controllers become a better idea than simply taxing billionaires?
Tupac once said:
"Just because you lost me as a friend doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger than that. I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table"
Long Live the Prince!
Sandler Rocks!
“Prejudice is an emotional commitment to ignorance.”
