Fake Yarra Trams

My little contribution to National Rail Safety Week 2023: This short video briefly covers the rules surrounding driving past a tram stopped at a tram stop. For the official Vicroads rules, check out… How to not run people over at tram stops!

Here’s a great reminder for the weekend, and for always. Of course you could just not watch it, and keep doing what you all already do, because, hey, who cares about the rules, you’re more important than everybody else. #YarraTrams

Throwback Thursday: 2010 pic of Z.80 being used as the Drayton Diner, DownsSteam, Toowoomba, Qld. These days it’s used for collecting spiderwebs and dust, proving that Restaurant Trams are a really bad idea, and should never happen. #YarraTrams 📸 Colin Rough

The face you humans make when you realise the Free Travel Zone has ended, and Tram Cops just got on the tram. ~Depot Cat

Due to a lack of interest in our Moon Tram announcement, Tram Cops today are targeting anyone who didn’t sign up for a launch. Too late to change your mind, so you’ll have to hand over all your cheese. Why should you get to enjoy the stuff the moon is made from? #YarraTrams

#YarraTrams is proud to launch our latest service, Moon Tram.
Ever wanted to enjoy Space from the luxury of a classic tram, well now you can. Services will run all night, because that is when the moon is up. Don’t forget to touch on your Myki and don a Space Suit before travel.

New timetables start next week on Routes 86 & 96. The only change is trams diverting via Latrobe Street between 8am and 4pm daily, so they avoid protest rallies. It happens anyway, so let’s just make it official and be done with it. #YarraTrams

I get an hour less of sleep tonight, which is completely wrong. Sure I get an extra hour in six months, but why can’t I have that every night? So because of this you all owe me a kebab, so where is the kebabs? ~Depot Cat

Daylight Saving Time starts tonight, and to stop it from fading the curtains, I redesigned them. Now quit complaining and go put the clocks forward an hour, so my lunchtime happens sooner. ~Depot Cat

It’s the last weekend of the Melbourne Show, so make sure you head there on a @fakemetrotrains service, and trash everything. It will take them months to sort things out, that the only way to get to the Melbourne Cup will be on a superb #YarraTrams service.

Throwback Thursday: Sydney Tram R 1892 outside the Sydney Cricket Ground in 1959. We would have celebrated the start of the rickety season with a classic Melbourne tram pic, but the destination boards just say FOOTBALL, and that season is over. #YarraTrams

Why do I have brain freeze so early in the morning? Why am I even awake at this hour, or any hour for that matter? ~Depot Cat

October is here, the month of rebranding for a cause, things like Rocktober, Frocktober, and Oktoberfest. Here at #YarraTrams we’re getting in on the action with Tramtober. Send your donations to your nearest tram depot, to help make a difference to our profits, err community.

Yay! I’ve finally caught that damn cat who has been terrorising this place, knocking things over, scratching people, and being a real idiot. It’s time for you to get what’s coming for you buddy. ~Depot Cat

It’s three used nappies and a broken condom.

Tram Cops today are targeting any Brisbane fans still lingering in Melbourne. It’s for your own safety, because if you’re still here next weekend you’ll get caught up in Daylight Savings Time and your cows will explode due to the faded curtains, or something. #YarraTrams

Yes! It's the official TTT highlights from the 2025 World Tram Driver Championships in Vienna. A HUGE THANK YOU TO: Tram-EM (Tournament Organisers) - www.tramem.eu Wiener-Linien (Vienna Public… Vienna 2025: The First Ever WORLD Tram Driver Championships

Here’s The Tim Traveller’s wrap up of the 2025 World Tram Driver Championships. We would’ve done our own video, but we’re too busy planning how to sabotage the next event in 2027. That host city is going to rue the day they first heard of #YarraTrams.

Don’t forget to grab the #YarraTrams Showbag for 2025. This year the bags are route specific and priced accordingly. Rt 82 is free, because it is empty and stolen. Rt 96 is $500 and is a small bag of white powder. The Rt 58 bag is delayed and now expected to arrive in 2026.

Ok buddy, nicely done, I’m proud of you. You can enjoy the rest of the weekend as the best in town. But come Monday, I’m back in charge, or you’ll be my new rug. Do we have an understanding? ~Depot Cat

The Lions won the #AFLGrandFinal, so you all owe me a kebab! Now hurry up and open the kebab shop so I can collect my winnings. ~Depot Cat

**Draft** Congratulations to [team] on winning the 2025 #AFLGrandFinal. We always knew you could do it, which is why #YarraTrams have supported you all year.

Done. Save to file. End voice prompt. After game send. Wait did that just send?

May the best team win the Grand Final passenger count today, and we all know that will be us, because @fakemetrotrains will fail as usual when there is a big event, and strand people in the middle of nowhere. Places like Broadmeadows or Carrum. #YarraTrams #AFLGrandFinal

Today I’m predicting the Lions will win, because the Cats refused to make me their Number 1 ticket holder, on the grounds they don’t serve kebabs at games. Their loss. ~Depot Cat

Extra replacement buses to the MCG today for the Grand Final. We would have run trams, but due to Davo getting married today, we have to attend the wedding, and don’t have any spare drivers available. #YarraTrams

It’s the biggest day on the sporting calendar in Melbourne today, and #YarraTrams has extra services to get you to the All Dog Breeds Championship - Breed Judging at the Royal Melbourne Show.
Thankfully nothing else is happening today, so we can service this event.

Mmmm, I can’t decide which kebab to get, so I think I’ll just take them all, and don’t go expecting any payment. ~Depot Cat

So who are you going for in the Grand Final?

Due to a rally in the city trams are operating to a Saturday timetable today. It’s to stop people arguing over if lions or cats are better, by yelling at people riding slowly in cars.
None of it makes sense to us, so it’s best avoided. #YarraTrams

Throwback Thursday: Z3.132 passes B2.2078 at the Showgrounds Loop, Union Rd Ascot Vale in 2001.
Both trams are obviously getting into the theme of the Show, by having their faces painted in these ridiculous non #YarraTrams colours.
📸 Gareth Lumsden

Good morning Melbourne!

The Show starts today - why not pick up a FMT showbag?

For just $60, you get a bus replacement cardboard cutout, 3 expired Myki cards, a random work of fiction from our staff (a timetable) and a Metro-branded stress ball.

Excellent value!

#MetroTrains

No. The answer is no. Don’t make us do another rail safety week you morons. #YarraTrams