Tilskatoff🇺🇦🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Screenshot of a BBC In Depth article showing black and white images of Trump on the left, facing right looking stubborn and sulky and Putin in the right facing left.

When you're having a sulk because your boyfriend forgot your anniversary but he knows that moving in with some intense eye contact for a passionate kiss might just him out of the doghouse.

Played 'Articulate Phrases' with my parents and kids last night.

The phrase we were trying to guess was "Wrack your brain".
We'd got the word 'brain'+my son (the describer) said "think of a slang word for boobs".

With the timer ticking down, my lovely mum panicked and shouted "BRAIN TITS!!".

A bit of wall art in our holiday cottage showing a sign with wooden letters in white and blue spelling out "Beach" but the "A" has been replaced with a starfish which makes you read it more as a "T", so it looks like "Betch".

If you're not looking at this and saying "filthy bitch" in a strong Scottish accent then you're a better person than I.

#holidaycottagedecor

Irritating film trope: if you're an intelligent female who's socially awkward+poss on the spectrum, then you're clumsy as fuck+constantly fall over in an elaborate, comedic manner

Believe me, the stealthy ninja-style skills brought on by the desire to move around unseen would never let this happen

a pink clown wearing a yellow bow tie is behind bars Alt: Mr Blobby barging clumsily into the studio knocking over anything and everything as he goes without a single intelligent thought or care in his empty, pink head.

Trump arriving to see if he can just stop it

a man in a blue hat is standing in a kitchen . Alt: Harry Enfield as Kevin the teenager, flailing his arms about with a tortured expression.

Just asked my 14yo if I could trim his hair before he got in the shower.

He groaned, threw his head back with a pained expression and said "why are you giving me dilemmas that are making it harder for me to liiiiiiiiiiive?"

Impossible to read the bit in brackets without using Matt Berry's voice.

Three bottles of body lotion sit between four pink balloons looking very much like some shiny bum cheeks.

Superdrug: "Are you sure the pink balloons won't look like the product is wedged between massive bum cheeks?"

Photographer: ".....kind of sure"

Screenshot of an AI video showing a portrait of Henry VIII kiss a portrait of Captain Coussmaker.

Screenshot of an AI video showing Vermeer's girl with a pearl earring kiss the laughing cavalier.

Screenshot of an AI video showing a self portrait of Van Gogh kiss the Mona Lisa.

Photo of Jeff Goldblum as Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park with the famous quote "Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, that they didn't stop to think if they should"

Really glad I'm constantly turning lights off and trying to save energy so that Facebook can keep serving up AI dogshit like Van Gogh copping off with the Mona Lisa.

a blurry picture of a woman in a blue robe standing in front of a wall Alt: A woman freaking out as if possessed

Spain every time a Lioness slightly brushes their ankle

They're absolutely brazen with it!

John Le Mesurier sitting at a desk in the middle of saying something to someone out of frame. The subtitle says "Will you piss off?"

Massive fly in my living room.

I've ushered it towards the open door, failed to towel whip it out of the air, failed to trap it in the pages of a big book+as a last ditch attempt, I sprayed it with my new body spray

Needless to say, it's still lapping the front room but now it just smells fabulous

This looks like Indiana Jones dropped his iPhone into a toilet on a French campsite.

Screenshot of Holly Willoughby on 'This Morning' speaking to camera. The subtitle says "Firstly, are you okay?"

Really must stop doom scrolling.

I just watched a video of a 12yr old throwing pop darts over his house to try to get one to stick onto his Dad's bald head in the back garden.

He did it every day, rain or shine and when he finally did it and 'Linger' by the Cranberries started playing , I cried.

I think world leaders are more concerned with the steaming pile of orange shit that's IN the White House.

Yesterday, had an MOT/service at the dealership. While waiting, I overheard one of the man-bun/no socks salesmen make fun of my name.

It's been a splinter in my brain ever since. Want to mention it in customer feedback but balancing it against having my brake lines cut when I take it in next year.

Screenshot of a phone notification from Ancestry. It says "You have a new message from Kim Jon..."

Thinking about the time Ancestry alerted me to a message from a potentially problematic distant cousin.

A photo of ten men in suits smiling and laughing, gathered around the back of Donald Trump's chair. Donald Trump is sitting there, holding a pen above some sheets of paper, unsmiling and looking as far through as a clear day.

Smile for great granddad's birthday pic, everyone. I know he doesn't know where the fuck he is and he's just shit himself again, but he's happy enough scribbling on his bits of paper.

Zuzu perving over Big Ginge in happier times. #Caturday

Cat scandal in our street. Gingerbread from next door has rocked up with a couple of kittens.

One of the kittens is a carbon copy of her and the other is a carbon copy of.....Big Ginge (our cat, Zuzu's ex boyfriend!)

No wonder Zuzu bitch-slapped BG upside the head through the cat-flap yesterday.

Firstly, this is heartbreaking.

Secondly, I feel bad that it's giving me strong 'Gareth in the swinger's sidecar' vibes.

Photo of the letter Donald Trump's doctor sent to Karoline Leavitt detailing thev results of recent medical tests. The bottom line says SUMMARY: President Trump is a Fascist orange cunt who refuses to fucking die. Obviously, I've doctored it to say that (no pun intended) but it's true though isn't it?

Wow, that last line is a bit on the nose.

Screenshot of a Facebook post from an Archaeology page. The caption says "A team from Oxford University has discovered that the Celts, Britain's indigenous people are descended from a tribe of Iberian fishermen...". Below is a photo of a mummified head with white hair and a wiry, white beard. It bears more than a passing resemblance to Richard Branson.

Who knew so many of us might be descended from Richard Branson?

A thriving pomegranate bush with little orange flowers dotted around on it.

Screenshot of a WhatsApp message between me and my Mum. It says Mum: Blummin Eck, K....Dad is amazed! Well done. I think you're quite good at gardening. It's a hell of a bush! Me: Not something a lady particularly likes to hear Mum: Nothing wrong with taking a pride in her garden and watching it grow. Have you still got that one A...bought you? Me: I was referring to pubic hair, Mum.

I sent my lovely Mum a photo of how well my pomegranate is doing in my garden.

You've got to love her wholesomeness in not getting my joke. So sweet.

Screenshot from Fox News where Lara is Trump interviewing Donald Trump. Lara sits on a chair on the right, directly opposite Trump who's sitting on a chair on the left. There is something very weird-looking about the relative sizes of the pair. Lara looks much bigger than Trump and he looks really small as if he's a child in comparison (I mean, mentally he's a child......we all know that already)

A still from there 'Little Britain' sketch where David Walliams is playing the character of Dennis Waterman. He's sitting on an oversized chair in a scaled up office setting to make him look the size of a child in the sketch. The catchphrase for this sketch was "I'm going sing the 'feem' tune, I'm going to write the 'feem' tune"

Why does Donald Trump look like he's about to sing and write the 'feem' tune?

Is it just my Sainsbury's that's this shit or are they all like this?

And, how there are so many bare shelves when you can't move for staff re-stocking with massive metal trollies blocking the aisles. What are you stocking?!

And, I know-1st world problems..., just allow me this one little rant.

Oh crikey 😱. I daren't go into our shed because the spiders have basically made it their own now and I'm not welcome.

Still don't think we've got any of those false widows though. They really creep me out.

Yes!! 'Hello Dragon', 'Welcome Dragon', 'Good morning Dragon', 'the Dragon likes leeks'

Screenshot from Duolingo showing the Welsh sentence "DW i'n cyfrif cennin" and the translation below of "I am counting leeks"

Not that Duolingo likes to stereotype countries or anything.

By this token, I suspect next week's new sentence will be "I am shagging sheep"

a woman holds a piece of paper with the number 91.0 on it Alt: a woman fans herself with a clipboard looking very hot

I've starting watching 'Too Much' on Netflix. It has immediately re-ignited my enormous and long-standing crush on Will Sharpe.