Danny Salter

I should have a new Casual Criminalist landing tomorrow.
I can't remember all the details now but I think it had something to do with a double murder in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

"It's better to piss in the sink than to sink in the piss."
Socrates, 420 BC.

According to my Sinclair Pocket Calculator, I've gone for at least 6,205 dog walks in my lifetime.
Still yet to find a single dead body.

Due later today: My latest script for Decoding the Unknown salutes the forgotten fallen cosmic trailblazers who were wiped from history.

My first script for the new ‘Scandal’ channel, presented by Jake Clapham!
This one takes a look at the daytime TV show tragedy in which the greaseball host failed to follow his own manifesto by manning up and growing a pair.
youtu.be/vNiYmOdwFg0?...

I can't deal with Operation.
When I was a kid, my dad had to take out the buzzer thing.

I'm moving back home to the old haunted mining town of Rotherham next month.
I can't remember the exact reasons why, but I think it had something to do with losing a particularly intense game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

"Cornflakes for breakfast this morning. Slasher Spencer got loads more than me as usual.
Finally got freed from prison after 38 years because they realised they’d got the wrong guy.
What a flippin’ palaver! It could only happen to me!
Buy some new underpants.”

New Casual Criminalist coming soon...

A new video will be broadcast on 'Decoding the Unknown' later today.
Please listen carefully and follow all instructions.
Seal your windows. Block your doors.
The voice of Simon Whistler will be the last you ever hear.
Do not be alarmed.

I'm about halfway through my autobiography "Forty Years of Wretched Sobbing."
What name would you give to your autobiography?

Alex Jones gets a lot of stick, but I'll say one thing in his defence.
He was the first to really start talking about the interdimensional clockwork elves.

Ohh! Might have found it. The Communism Video.

I might still have been in short trousers.

Did I write a video on Marx? What was it called?

This DNA profiling lark might not be half as clever as they reckon.
When a direct match with a DNA profile was recently found to shed new light on an unsolved murder case from 1984, the fresh suspect had an alibi which is about as rock solid as they come...
More details in the Casual Criminalist!

Tomorrow's new Casual Criminalist is an odd one as we cover a rare example of a missing child case that got adapted into a comedy musical.

We also ponder over why nobody cares about missing kids from rough council estates, and briefly suggest that Prince Andrew is a sweaty nonce.

One tiny sip of Rotting Turtle is usually more than enough for my delicate constitution.
I might try mixing it with fizzy ribena in the future.

I'm beginning to wonder why my bottle of Rotting Turtle has lasted about five years so far.

I'm just about to begin work on a new DTU script about the forgotten explorers who fell during the race to the stars.
I can already tell that the research for this one is going to be pretty intense.

I often get stopped in the streets by strangers who ask me where I buy my dope threads.
Well...I haven't walked the streets or worn clothes for at least seven years.
But if I did, I'd buy my happening threads from the official Basement Booty store at dannysalter.com

Whoa...what...is it time for my bi-annual breakfast again?

It was borderline whether my next script was a Casual Criminalist or a Decoding the Unknown.
So we've gone with the idea of introducing it as a DTU but posting it on CC.
Think that's the right way round.
Also, look out for my upcoming video on genocide on "The Stripping Vicar's Mukbang Mash-Up."

Sir Keir Starmer announces national inquiry into grooming gangs Sir Keir Starmer said he had accepted the recommendations of an audit into the nature and scale of the abuse.

Surprising update related to the recent Casual Criminalist video on Rotherham grooming gangs.
The PM has just announced a national inquiry.
www.bbc.com/news/article...

Towards the end of his life, legendary TV producer Gerry Anderson was unable to comfortably pass a bowel movement unless he could hear the theme tune to 'Thunderbirds'.
If it wasn't possible to play a recording, he'd ask a family member to hum the theme tune from the other side of the bathroom door.

The next video to land on Decoding the Unknown takes a look at the killer arcade machine from 1981 that sent everyone loopy before it was completely erased from history.

The new video landing on Casual Criminalist today is a 3-hour deep dive into a topic very close to home, and is the toughest script I’ve ever written.
It’s more than a little grim and I’ve never seen Simon get so angry.
Sorry, Simon.

Probably not one to enjoy with four bottles of wine.

Not sure which scripts are being sold but I would think so!

OG Business Blaze scripts signed and slapped by Simon are now available to buy, more to follow later.
blaze.fans/en-gbp/produ...

Maybe...
Some of the areas on the map are labelled "There be dragons," "There be giants." and "There be nuts."

Nah, we only found a dead squirrel and a treasure map today.