The Dogtown Reader

Gloucester Unveils New Tourism Campaign: “Come Find the G-Spot” By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — Looking to stand out from the crowded New England travel market, Discover Gloucester and the Greater Cape Ann Chamber of Commerce have la…

Looking to stand out from the crowded New England travel market, Discover Gloucester and the Greater Cape Ann Chamber of Commerce have launched a tourism rebrand based on a new nickname for the city, urging potential visitors to “Come Find the G-Spot.”

Double Shot of Leadership: A Day with Gloucester’s Mayoral Hopefuls By Dan LaRue | Man-on-the-Street Reporter GLOUCESTER — It’s a drizzly Tuesday morning in mid-October, and Mayor Greg Verga steps up to the counter at Dunkin Donuts on Washington Street. He orders w…

One candidate will lead Gloucester into its next chapter. But both, it seems, are fully prepared for the unique challenge and charm that comes with being America’s Oldest Seaport.

Rockport Blows Into the Future: Gas Leaf Blowers Now Mandatory By Robert Pringles | Rockport Correspondent ROCKPORT — In a historic vote that future generations will no doubt study with awe and mild tinnitus, the Town of Rockport has not only reversed its gas …

With the leaves starting to hit the ground, the Town of Rockport reminds residents of their mandatory blower duties.

Rockport Passes Ordinance Banning Skeletons That Are “Too Sexy” By Robert Pringles | Rockport Correspondent ROCKPORT — In an emergency 4–1 vote late Tuesday night, the Rockport Select Board approved a new seasonal ordinance aimed at curbing what officials descr…

The ordinance, which bans skeletons from being posed in “seductive, suggestive, or scandalously straddling positions,” comes after a series of complaints from residents who claimed the displays were “inappropriate for family neighborhoods” and “awakened something strange inside them.”

EXCLUSIVE REPORT: Something Happens in Essex By Edward Burnham-Marsh | Essex Correspondant ESSEX — In a shocking turn of events, something — possibly significant, perhaps even newsworthy — has reportedly occurred in the quiet coastal town of …

The Board of Selectmen is expected to hold a closed-door meeting to determine whether an open-door meeting is warranted to address the matter.

Cape Ann Residents Grapple with Post-Rapture Disappointment By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — As the sun rose over Cape Ann on Wednesday morning and the world remained distinctly unraptured, local residents expressed a mix of relie…

As the sun rose over Cape Ann on Wednesday morning and the world remained distinctly unraptured, local residents expressed a mix of relief, frustration, and mild confusion at the failure of the much-discussed September 23, 2025 rapture prophecy to deliver on its apocalyptic promises.

In news taken from the logs of Cape Ann’s police and fire departments: Friday, September 19

NEWS IN BRIEF: Candlelight Vigil Held for Gloucester Wendy’s Dozens gathered by the Gloucester Fishermen’s Memorial for a somber candlelight vigil Sunday evening to mourn the sudden closure of the beloved Wendy’s location in Gloucester. The crowd — a m…

Dozens gathered by the Gloucester Fishermen’s Memorial for a somber candlelight vigil Sunday evening to mourn the sudden closure of the beloved Wendy’s location in Gloucester.

Local Satire Page Reaches 1,000 Followers, Causes Minor Existential Crisis By The Dogtown Reader Staff GLOUCESTER — The Dogtown Reader, Cape Ann’s premiere (and arguably only) satirical news outlet, reached a milestone this week by surpassing 1,000 followers across its pl…

“We never knew we would be this successful, but we’re honored to serve this community,” said Chief. “And we promise to keep doing what we do best: blurring the line between absurdity and reality — which, on Cape Ann, is thinner than you’d think.”

TALK OF THE TOWN: Mayor Greg Verga Does Sick Kickflip Over Blynman Bridge Shockwaves were sent through the Gloucester mayoral race early Wednesday on Stacy Boulevard when Mayor Greg Verga, armed with a well-worn skateboard and surprising core strength, executed a flawles…

“I’m just relieved this is the weirdest thing happening in Gloucester right now,” said onlooker Lynda Carbone, sipping a Dunks iced regular. “Like, let’s just let this be the headline for a bit. Please.”

Lundberg Desperately Seeks Scandal to Remain Viable in Mayoral Race By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — With rumors, scandals, and persistent administrative troubles rocking the race for mayor, candidate Paul Lundberg has officially entered …

With rumors, scandals, and persistent administrative troubles rocking the race for mayor, candidate Paul Lundberg has officially entered crisis mode — not because of a scandal, but because of the lack of one.

Hammond Castle Under Siege; Verga Calls Banners By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — Tensions erupted Monday morning as a host led by the Salem Witch Museum launched a full-scale siege against Gloucester’s historic Hammond…

Tensions erupted Monday morning as a host led by the Salem Witch Museum launched a full-scale siege against Gloucester’s historic Hammond Castle. The assault marks a dramatic escalation in the long-standing feud between the rival North Shore tourist attractions.

Ocean Alliance Shifts Course, Paint Factory to Become Coal Plant and Waste Dump By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent In a reversal that has thrilled longtime critics and confounded environmentalists, Ocean Alliance announced Monday that it would abandon its environme…

Ocean Alliance announced Monday that it would abandon its environmental restoration efforts at the historic Tarr and Wonson Paint Manufactory on Rocky Neck in favor of a new vision: a coal-burning power plant and open-air waste disposal facility.

NEWS IN BRIEF: U.S. Surgeon General Recommends Eating 10 Pounds of Fried Shrimp Every Week As part of Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s “Make America Healthy Again” campaign, the U.S. Surgeon General released new guidance this week encouraging citizens to consume at least ten…

As part of Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.'s “Make America Healthy Again" campaign, the U.S. Surgeon General released new guidance this week encouraging citizens to consume at least ten pounds of fried shrimp per week, citing the benefits of seafood.

My View: Who’s Really Behind Gloucester’s Trash Nightmare? By Darren Splake | Guest Columnist People of Gloucester! I’ve been on the case — and not just because the police log formally accused me of staging a midnight “seaweed heist” at the Gloucester Hous…

Our trash situation? It’s out of control. Torn up purple bags across town, the scent of stale clam chowder and discarded prophylactics wafting past City Hall — it’s an affront to decency.

What’s really going on? Is it just a labor dispute, municipal mismanagement, or something far more insidious?

Lundberg Introduces Running Mate: Meet “Small Lundberg” By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — Mayoral candidate Paul Lundberg, known for his steady demeanor, pragmatic platform, and extensive sweater vest collection, stunned suppor…

“He may be small in stature, but he’s got big ideas,” the taller Lundberg said. “If Gloucester is going to thrive, we need both full-size vision and pocket-sized practicality.”

Recycling Pile Gets a New Guardian: Fraggle Rock’s Trashy Offspring Moves In By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — The Department of Public Works yard on Poplar Street has seen its share of oddities this summer as the Republic Services labor strike nea…

The DPW yard on Poplar St. has seen its share of oddities this summer as the Republic Services labor strike nears one month, but nothing prepared residents for the sight of Marvin — a living, breathing, oddly wise mound of trash believed to be the child of Marjory the Trash Heap from Fraggle Rock.

In news taken from the logs of Cape Ann’s police and fire departments: Friday, July 25

Council OKs $666,000 Loan Order for Ozzy Osbourne Statue By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — In a 7-2 vote Tuesday night, the Gloucester City Council approved a $666,000 loan order to fund the design and installation of a bronze s…

In a 7-2 vote Tuesday night, the Gloucester City Council approved a $666,000 loan order to fund the design and installation of a bronze statue of the late heavy metal icon Ozzy Osbourne, to be placed in Grant Circle at the entrance to Gloucester.

TALK OF THE TOWN: Local Statues Caught Embracing Scandal is rocking Cape Ann after a local photographer captured the Man at the Wheel and Our Lady of Good Voyage locked in what appeared to be a passionate — but poorly timed — embrace at the Cape …

Scandal is rocking Cape Ann after a local photographer captured the Man at the Wheel and Our Lady of Good Voyage locked in what appeared to be a passionate — but poorly timed — embrace at the Cape Ann Big Band concert this weekend.

In news taken from the logs of Cape Ann’s police and fire departments: Friday, July 18

Netflix Sets Cape Ann Aflutter with New Comedy Series “Cape Annie” By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — Netflix has officially announced production of Cape Annie, a new original comedy series set and filmed on Cape Ann, promising “lobsters, …

The show follows Annie, a washed-up cruise ship singer turned townie, as she careens through a whirlwind of local feuds, small-town entanglements, and brushes with the supernatural.

At 63, I4-C2 Still Doesn’t Know What It Wants to Be When It Grows Up By Dan LaRue | Man-on-the-Street Reporter GLOUCESTER — The city-owned parcel known as I4-C2 sits along the Gloucester waterfront like a question that never got answered. It’s a scenic slab of…

“I’ve been described as ‘blighted, decadent, and substandard,’” the lot said. “Which, to be fair, in Gloucester is a pretty common personality profile.”

Thanks Obama.

Gloucester Declares New “Trash-Based Economy” Following Garbage Strike By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — With garbage collection delayed, canceled, or up in the air — depending on the hour — throughout Cape Ann due to the recent sanitation wo…

With garbage collection delayed, canceled, or up in the air — depending on the hour — throughout Cape Ann due to the recent sanitation workers’ strike, the City of Gloucester has announced a groundbreaking new initiative: transitioning the local economy to a fully trash-based system.

In news taken from the logs of Cape Ann’s police and fire departments: Friday, July 4

Happy Independence Day! Here's a look at some of The Dogtown Reader's favorite floats from this year's Gloucester Horribles Parade.

Horribles Parade Adds ‘Loudest Float’ Category to Settle Annual Feuds By J.B. Fitzsimmons | Gloucester Correspondent GLOUCESTER — This year’s Horribles Parade will feature a brand-new competitive category: “Loudest Float.” The decision to introduce the category comes…

The decision to introduce the category comes after years of informal but increasingly competitive noise wars between parade participants, with organizers hoping to channel that energy into a more “constructive” form of chaos.

In news taken from the logs of Cape Ann’s police and fire departments: Friday, June 27

MY VIEW: Which Pokémon Would St. Peter Be? By Melvin Loicano | President, Gloucester League of Catholic Nerds As Fiesta season swells like a tide of prosciutto and reverence, I find myself asking life’s big questions: What is tradition? Who…

As Fiesta season swells like a tide of prosciutto and reverence, I find myself asking life’s big questions: What is tradition? Whose car keys are these? Where is Crab Beach? And most importantly, if St. Peter were a Pokémon, which one would he be?