Ashley

Alright, it’s time to update my phone (and carrier?) before I throw this one at a brick wall. I’d like to stick with Apple and I’m currently with AT&T but pay more than I’d like and could be convinced to switch carriers.

Suggestions?

Happy International Women’s Day, friends! Thank you for inspiring me, encouraging me, calling me on my nonsense, fighting alongside me, reminding me that I can do hard things, joining me in laughter and tears both, and showing me what a strong woman looks like.

P.S. Trans women are women!

“I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own.”

—Audre Lorde

Uncomfortable dreans and nightmares all night long and woke with tons of anxiety that remains even after reminding myself that both the cats and I are safe and nobody is going to separate us or take us away (I hope).

Yeah, there’s definitely some more trauma therapy in my future :-/

I’m not impressed that winter waited until the middle of February to show up.

The cold hurts and we still haven’t gotten nearly enough snow here or in any of the mountains to keep us from a drought and terrible fire season.

Have I mentioned the cold hurts?

After asking about the weather up here and hearing how warm it’s been my mom just told me that “they’re” or “the powers that be” are controlling and manipulating the weather patterns, which is why it’s so warm.

I don’t understand how my once rational mother has fallen so far.

Just so you know, this body is hateful and wretched and I want a new one that works properly now please.

And a new brain while we’re at it?

My hateful body is making my brain turn terrible and I just want a break, pretty please.

Hey you, yes, you! I love you. Never forget that, okay? I love you 💜

#iloveyou #lifeistooshort #makeitweird

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.”

and

“No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.”

—Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I shouldn’t even have to say this but I will never stop shouting it, especially for those who can’t .

FUCK ICE!
FUCK ICE!
FUCK ICE!

“Death. That was its name. That’s what she dealt with and she knew it, dreaded it, hated death’s intimacy and the strange greed with which it pursued every living thing.”

—Louise Erdrich, “The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse”

“That’s when I came to know that to be left, sent off, abandoned, was not of the moment, but a black ditch to the side of the road of your life, a sudden washout, a pothole that went down to China.”

—Louise Erdrich, “The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse”

I wish I was surprised at what’s happening in our country today but I’m absolutely not.

Enraged? Yes
Desperately sad? Yes
Surprised? Not even a little bit

He’s a war criminal, rapist, still hiding (in) the files, and should be in prison or worse.

Why are we not doing anything?

Merry Christmas, loves!

I hope you’re all finding a way to celebrate the end of this ridiculous year and find some contentment in the small things. May you be with your favorite people, enjoy good food, and know how absolutely loved you are 💜

Why continue sleeping when you can wake up convinced there’s something else wrong with you and spend the rest of the night googling signs and symptoms of hypothetical said disease.

Hey brain, please shut up? I’m really tired of finding new things to be anxious about/obsess over.

“Her loneliness sometimes seemed a thing not of this world, but a loneliness only that a mysterious being, solitary and unique, could understand.”

—Louise Erdrich, “The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse”

Does anyone else find that the longer you’re stuck inside for whatever reason the harder it is to get out of the house, especially when you don’t have anywhere in particular to be, no money, and all your friends are far away or working like normal people?

Just me? Greatttttt

Please let this be THE day.

I desperately need a break and for the timeline to shift and I know just the perfect gift.

Just in case you still don’t get it, a reminder.

It’s the guns. It’s the fucking guns. It’s always been the guns and it will always be the guns. Why aren’t more people outraged? When do babies get to stop dying where they should be the safest?

My heart hurts for so many reasons, friends 💜

Someday this will all be a memory.

Protect women and teach men (boys) to be better (I swear, if someone comes at me with “not all men”).

Stop idolizing celebrities, politicians, and the elite and start believing women when we tell you of the horrors which manifest in our births and end only in death; a punishment for existing inside the male gaze and within his reach.

We’ve been waiting years for the Epstein list to be released but it’ll never be released because they’re all on it. Yes, even them.

Why are we waiting for those who did the most harm to tell us what we already know?

“And I wonder if Beethoven held his breath
the first time his fingers touched the keys
the same way a soldier holds his breath
the first time his finger clicks the trigger.
We all have different reasons for forgetting to breathe.”

—Andrea Gibson

Me, lamenting about the general state of things: “Why do they hate us so much?”

Him: “Because we’re f*gs and cripples. They want us dead but we’re not going to let them. We’re not going to let them.”

In maybe related news, call your elected officials and keep calling them.

Yall, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I need your help to make sure I have safe, stable, accessible housing for the next year (at least)! Details are in the link!

facebook.com/events/s/hel...

I must have done something very, very bad in a previous life to be stuck inside this body in this lifetime.

Feeling defeated and weak and fearful but there's a lesson in this somewhere, right?

I know it happens every June and that it’s expected and temporary and I’m probably in the minority with my hatred of it but this cold spell hurts and I’d like it to end now please.

That’s all #notturningtheheatbackon #Ibelonginthedesert

Be patient and kind. You deserve good things. You can do hard things. You are enough and so loved just as you are 💜 #someoneneedstohearthis #itwasme #theuniversetoldme

Reminder: the things you’re punishing yourself for (not) wanting or (not) doing because you think that you’re not good enough or worthy enough or maybe you think you’re too selfish or too much, or it’s too hard, whatever it is, it’s okay.