Paul

But your stories are some of the best things on the app, how dare you RUIN my procrastination and comparison spirals

I feel I can track the severity of your week by the volume of deleted posts 💀

Sorry pal. Seems like it's been a tough one. Please do stay safe, okay?

Only on a viewing basis, if you catch my drift 😏

The perfect capture of a perfectly tempting valley. Hips like a neon arrow 🫠

Trust me when I tell you I know the exact feeling, both before and after midnight. Many a time - currently and otherwise - I've had to keep the TV on for company and to keep going. Try to stay as safe as you can. I know it's hard.

Do it! It's not quite The Good Wife, but it's a close enough approximation you can pretend. Or watch both? Don't deny yourself pleasure amidst the spiral.

Law procedurals and gossipy clerks are life. Even the Good Fight was great.

Really proud of you for seeking help. Can't have been easy when you feel this way, but it's also so, so common. You've got help and support all around. Good luck!

Shindler is the Poochie to Schindler's Itchy & Scratchy. All cool shades and wacky ideas about how to hide the neighborhood kids from the Gestapo. Big Fonz energy on stuffy Schindler's factory floor.

You need one of those 'X Days Since The Last Workplace Accident' signs, except it's you engaging with Patrick, 53, Ohio - patriot - in the comments section.

Also, am fully aware how tangled and annoying those pearls would have been *constantly*. So my capitalist effort is a worthy sacrifice.

MY PRODUCTIVITY

Tbf, who among us hasn't forgotten the odd one or seven in our mouth?

Any day that I log in and don't see something about you shitting, the baby shitting, or you AND the baby shitting on Ant, I'm totally lost for purpose. Don't even get me started on your lack of incontinence updates 😞

Be safe over there, okay? Good, glad we agreed on your continuing and eternal excellence in this timeline.

I deeply, deeply hope that's true.

I take occasional delight in recalling the story of how, as a baby, I once explosively shit so hard it went down and around my nappy, over my junk, and sprayed all over my front and face too.

If yours is at least half keeping it in one location, you're doing okay.

Was really concerned you meant actual mint maltesers for a second.

I'm trying to imagine a world in which I'm applying butt cream with such frequency and vigor that a finger alone wouldn't suffice. Did I miss a memo about baby's asses? 🤔

I absolutely hear you and this is the final, hardest, most physically brutal stage. There's no way to pretend it's not happening. No cute words to relieve the exhausting pain. But what comes next is gonna be everything you want it to be. Truly. Just gotta get through and out the other side first ❤️

Truly, the heavy, bloated, whale-like awfulness that comes at the end of pregnancy is the best advertisement for contraception you'll see. But it's also in aid of something you've wanted for a long time. Just *somehow* gotta get through this part. Does ANYTHING feel good? A bath? Murdering Ant?

Needs more Styles to truly be said to know your tastes.

Delighted to disappoint
(I don't use this)

Are there NON dream friends?

See, I never did play the Minerva's Den DLC. I've clearly missed everything. Drill me, Big Momma 🙂‍↕️

Finally, something Bioshock lacks: titties. And pork scratchings.

This is fine. This is totally fine. Okay. All fine. The one laying on your front? I'm not howling. YOU'RE howling.

(don't stop)

Less a garden hose than a small thimble, so thank you for your generosity. And perhaps? It would explain it being a purely morning occurrence...

I'm way too much of a chatty bitch for these character limits. I'm dyin' out here without my paragraphs.

No jumper, no yorkshire? What fresh holiday hell is this? You're only enabling them by going at all. What will they do in 2025, newly emboldened? Pasta shapes?