Chris Thorburn

Giddy up Jinglehorse, for fucks sake. Pick up your feet, you cunt.

Let this be the motto of the AI movement.

RIP Jay Gatsby, you’d have loved party 4 u by Charli XCX

I’ve been silent about this long enough, seeing ITVX programming on Disney+ makes me sick to my stomach.

We did it everyone. We made men embarrassed to read books by women in public once again. Great work.

*Chris de Burgh voice*

I’m sorry you think I “ruined” your Gatsby-themed party by sleeping with your wife and dying in the pool.

Me: I feel like maybe I don't allow myself to be happy because deep down there's a part of me that believes I don't deserve to be, you know?
Dr Loomis: *scribbling notes* dead eyes pure evil

They say A.I. can replace our jobs but I’d like to see A.I. quickly burn out and make the overall environment toxic.

Okay I’m being told that’s the main thing it does.

Waiting patiently for my 3G to search and save Don Draper I Don’t Think About You At All Meme so I can win this argument.

I can’t help but notice you’ve not immediately paid me for the invoice it took me seven months to get round to sending you.

IT’S ALIVE

Head barista: So I'm thinking we offer rolls, full breakfasts, hot drinks to sit in or takeaway...

Tim Robinson character in the back: yeah and what if the whole cafe could be dracula themed

some awful nice timbers you’ve got there

be a shame if someone were to

shiver them

Dinner
- CANNOT have the same thing twice in 1 week or so help me god
- Need veg, protein, carbs, all the groups
- Need to clean 8 dishes
- All day's been leading up to this, don't fuck it up

Breakfast
- Same shit every day
- Hot coffee
- Cereal
- Smash hit every time
- The best

There is an epidemic amongst young men and it’s looking at your phone at the urinal. Look at you, you’re doing it right now.

I genuinely believe raincoats that are yellow are more waterproof and there’s no science to back that up

Oh hey! Sorry for the delay, that was me. I posted it back on the old site in April 2020. It’s been so nice seeing everyone make their own versions of it!

Love this picture of Batman with a tablet like he’s about to tell you there’s a 50 minute wait for a table but he can seat you at the bar

After the films about Dylan going electric and Springsteen going acoustic, I cannot wait for the 2+ hour Oscar bait biopic all about when Tom Waits went full Cookie Monster

You are all good, it belongs to the internet now! Beautiful work!

It's so funny knowing someone who created a meme @cbthorburn.bsky.social

grid of faces of ACMS veterans, with text about ACMS The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society (ACMS) *fresh! Sisyphean! comedy!* Monkey Barrel, One 23:55-02:45ish Sundays-Wednesdays August 3-6, 10-13, 17-20, 24 £8.50/PWYW on exit noblefailure.org tinyurl.com/acms25 monkeybarrelcomedy.com #ACMS | @AltComMemSoc @BarrelComedy

Two months till #edfringe? Here, have a time-ordered list of gig recommendations: noblefailure.org/ed25

Ben Target!
@cbthorburn.bsky.social!
Elf Lyons!
@jennyfromthequiz.bsky.social!
@josielong.bsky.social!
@joznorris.bsky.social!
@leslieis.cool!
@turlygod.bsky.social!
@vixleyton.bsky.social!

Bless you, I was idly listening while cleaning dishes and got a damn fright when I heard my own name.

when the casino asked me to leave my own stag do

🍌 TOP BANANA 🍌

Tonight at 7pm & 9pm! Catch our weekly new act / new material show, featuring all the best newcomers and a top headliner - for just £3!

@cbthorburn.bsky.social & #KatieGreen host and headline

🎟 buff.ly/VMwVeVx

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#comedy #edinburgh #whatsonedinburgh #monkeybarrel

grid of 8 GICF shows, from Joe Sutherland to Watching Bad Movies With Great Comedians

Much gig goodness coming to Glasgow Comedy Festival (glasgowcomedyfestival.com/events/) this month, go see e.g.
Joe Sutherland!
Kemah Bob!
Fern Brady!
@cbthorburn.bsky.social!
Kieran Hodgson!
@jainedwards.bsky.social!
Richard Brown!
Watching Bad Movies With Great Comedians! With more Chris Thorburn!