Ash

the worst part is seeing people i look up to and sometime idolize fall into the trappings of oversexualizing themselves or taking harder and harder drugs because 'one thing lead to another' and its just.. i just.. idk it breaks my heart.. i want my girlies to respect themselves and love themselves

but when other people see this same thing they act like "yeah thats awesome!" and sometimes encourage more destructive behavior? like im pretty sure this culture of "yeah its totally cool/funny/neat" leads girlies down a rabbit hole that leads to drug addiction and self harming habbits..

fr its like when someone does something dumb like say.. go on a poly date with 2 people they "dont know" or "smoking a cancer stick" cuz "it was funny" all i can think "girl thats bad for you. why are you doing that? is something wrong? do you need help?"

i know cognitively people are gonna do what they want even/especially if it hurts them and i know i should be fine with that.. but idk i just want my friends to be safe, happy, and taken care of yknow. im so selfish that even my ""altruistic"" thoughts are self centered in motivation

i know im the beans on toast of people.. no flavor.. im straightedge as fuck.. i think casual sex is the death of passion, i think poly is just so, so very wrong.. and im probably just projecting my ideals and the insecurities therein onto people but.. i genuinely see it as people hurting themselves

i worry that self destructive behavior is not only an unavoidable aspect of being a trans woman but an encouraged one.. i dont want my girlies hurting themselves.. i dont want my girlies getting lung cancer "for the funny".. i dont want my girlies putting themselves in abusive relatinships..
plz...

you could totally pull that off ngl

Mine has been a life of much shame. I can't even guess myself what it must be to live the life of a human being.

a bunny holding a spiked morning star by lily seika jones text: we must remain whimsical to survive the horrors of this world

still going thru it

tryna sleep on call w/ my bf but my mind assaults me with visions/memories/imaginations of my ex and i feel like at this point im either never gonna be over them or my brain is tryna warn me not to repeat history? idk i just wish i could forget them already..

i have considered therapy also but neither can be achived as i am broke as fuck

Devour is gonna be forever lost between the could've been and never was like a crumb in the couch cushions

god i wanna write that song.. its been something in my head for years but i just cant write music cuz my brain isnt wired for it. when i think of music my mind is flooded with all the sounds and songs ive already heard and i cant manifest something new/original because of that
is this normal what

im convinced joining a cult would fix me

i was so convinced the wires and the rusted blood in my veins was my fault but maybe the wires were his..

i wonder still was it really just me? today i realized one of my manic delusions wasnt me, it was him. what else was him? my whole self image was destroyed and i always thought it was me who did it but maybe.. maybe its his fault

im suffering the trials... once more.. again... fml

just a vent post i made on discord, was too long for here so ill just upload a pic lol

sometimes people would rather fight the ghosts in their head than the ghouls in their home

guess who accidentally threatened suicide... again...
im gonna get dumped over this probably

if i were.. lets say.. going to write a bbeg and i make him a pro-pedo totalitarianistic leader who thinks that all people of a different status than him should be executed or banished from his land by force... my critics would say thats too cartoonish and takes them out of the experience..

and yet

i would like to be a circle factory... but alas :(

i want 12

decided i needed a new sona since i my egg cracked.. soo anywho making a spotted bnuuy girlie. i think shes gonna be prebby :3
(this is just a reference for the fur pattern. she will have different proportions and such when i draw her in earnest)

DIY > AI

gn

photo of a bumper sticker with a fish on it that says “i’d rather be fucking a cop’s wife”. i got it from the merch table at a rent strike concert and every day i’m so sad i don’t have a car to put it on.

hey who wants to see my most treasured bumper sticker (i just mentioned it in the chat of @katbamkapow.bsky.social & @notquitereal.bsky.social ‘s stream and felt like the world needed to see it lmao)

the souls-tism continues as ive made all 4 knights of gwyn in dsr