Rikki and Kiki

Kiki here. “Raindrops Will Not Keep Falling on My Head.”

Tuxedo cat lying on her left side atop a fur-covered black office swivel chair, her head raised in a big yawn

“Kiki’s Cat Treats of Wisdom #217: You think of water ONLY as a drink. You hate being close to a TUB or a POOL—or in the RAIN. Being SOAKED makes your fur heavy, cold and smelly. Some breeds LOVE to swim, but they started as kittens. You can DREAM of being a good swimmer…but keep it in your dreams!”

Kiki here. Thanks—but I doubt it will!

Tuxedo cat lying on her right side atop gray textured cover of couch, turning her head and licking the fur on her back.

“You’re getting STYLED tomorrow, Kiki!”

“Ruin my lovely FLOOF, human?”

“They’ll CUT and SHAPE it to lower the chances of HAIRBALLS, make you COOLER in the heat, and help you look even PRETTIER!”

“I REFUSE to go!”

“They’ll come HERE, Kiki.”

“Always thinking of ME…never ends well for YOU, human!”

Kiki here. Thanks for being “mad” about Kiki!

Tuxedo cat lying on carpeted floor under table in semi-darkness, looking down slightly

“Wearing PERFUME, human? I’m getting AWAY from you.”

“You got dried POOP on your tail, Kiki. It STINKS! Gotta hide the smell SOME WAY.”

“It’ll come OFF eventually.”

“It must HURT you, Kiki! Let me put you in the tub and SOAK it.”

“No way, human…Get USED to it! It’s MY fragrance—Perfume of Kiki!”

Kiki here. Doin’ good, as a kitty should.

Tuxedo cat sitting with her paws tucked under her body atop a gray quilt on bed next to a spiral notebook, looking down warily

“Can’t let you SIT, human. You’re not on the approved GUEST list!”

“I LIVE here, Kiki…Remember?”

“Been trying to FORGET it!”

“Then I’m taking YOU off the treats list.”

“OK, let’s make a DEAL, human…You get a SEAT, and I get a TREAT!”

“I can live with THAT—as long as I’m living with YOU, Kiki.”

Kiki here. Hurrah! You made it through the storm, kitties! Let the humans handle the damage; that’s what they do best.

Kiki here. A wonderful accomplishment, Mackrel!

Right-sided view of tuxedo cat sitting on carpeted floor near door, looking ahead

“You MAD at me for some reason, human?”

“I need a REASON, Kiki?”

“Was it for SCATTERING your paperwork, SITTING in your chair or BITING you today?”

“None of those are the REASONS I’m mad.”

“So, what are you MAD about, human?”

“I’m mad at MYSELF for thinking I could ever be mad at YOU, Kiki.”

Kiki here. One of my favorite expressions!

Tuxedo cat sitting atop gray quilt on bed with her mouth gaping open

“Kiki’s Cat Treats of Wisdom #216: What’s that SMELL? Your NOSE is a pro at sniffing out scents. With some new odors, your MOUTH opens, LIP curls, EYES focus and NOSE wrinkles—a ‘stinky face’! You CAPTURE the unusual scent in your mouth and SEND it to your nose for analysis. You’re a SLEUTH, kitty!”

Kiki here. I had quite a few. Thanks for asking!

Tuxedo cat sitting on her human’s lap, turning her head to the right and looking for a scritch

“Human, always looking at the phone! Look at ME—or you’ll MISS if I’m sick.”

“Kiki, the health tracking app says you’re FINE!”

“What if I have SYMPTOMS?”

“The diagnostic app says you’re FINE!”

“I’m NOT fine, human! Gimme SCRITCHES!”

“Launch your NAP app on my LAP app, Kiki. We’ll BOTH be fine.“

Kiki and her human here. Happy Monday, Peggy!

Kiki (and human) here. Good morning to you!

Tuxedo cat sitting on carpeted floor next to a small yellow bag of cat treats, looking up at you with calculating eyes

“Human’s late with my TREATS!…I don’t NEED her; I can get my OWN!…Finding the BAG…Dropping it to the FLOOR…Teeth or claws? I’ll try BOTH!…TEETH—I make little holes in the bag…CLAWS—I need the right pull force and shear stress to open it…”

“Kiki’s getting her OWN treats!”

“Know any PHYSICS, human?”

Kiki here. With or without hairballs, you’re still a cute kitty!

Tuxedo cat lying on carpeted floor with her paw atop pink and yellow fur tail attached to car and house keys; she is looking up as if locking eyes with you

“Kiki, I need my KEYS.”

“You leave enough FOOD, human?”

“Plenty!”

“WATER’s fresh?”

“Freshest!”

“SANDBOX cleaned?”

“Ten minutes ago!”

“Then take the keys—AFTER saying I’m the best!”

“You are the ABSOLUTE best, Kiki!…You hold the KEYS to unlock my love and my happiness!”

“Always HAVE, human.”

Kiki here. Stay safe, Joe and Jake—and all the critters who are in harm’s way!

Kiki here. I guess you just couldn’t Help Yourself.

Kiki here. Also Jake and Joe, I think!

“White Flag,” Dido (2003)

Kiki here. Good on you! You made it through another week, Mackrel!

Tuxedo cat lying asleep atop dark blue towels on dresser

“Hey, Kiki! 🎵’What’s new, pussycat?’ 🎶”

“Human, what I tell you about that SONG?”

“You LIKE it?”

“No!”

“You’re a TOM JONES fan?”

“No!…I HATE it! That song makes us appear like we’re kitties who just want to CUDDLE!”

“Kiki…the song actually isn’t ABOUT cats!”

“OK, human. Then, nothing’s NEW!”

Kiki here. We kitties can only be ourselves!

Tuxedo cat stretched out on carpeted floor, looking up at you with purposeful eyes

“Come OUT, Kiki! The carpet is READY for you…The strange man just LEFT!”

“I feel SICK, human…Must be a HAIRBALL!”

“Quick! To the TILES!…Oh, no!”

“Well, the GOOD news is: I’m feeling MUCH better!”

“It’s still DAMP, Kiki, so it’s easier to wipe.”

“NOW, the carpet’s ready, human! I CHRISTENED it!”

Kiki here. And you should stay away from bugs that can hurt you even if they’re alive!

Kiki here. Be friends with them and play with them, but please don’t eat them. Many types of bugs can make you very sick!