Steven W Skinner

The Romans column as they 'seum

I try to keep at least 1000 feet away from millipedes

I knocked a hole in the igloo with a roundhouse kick

C'mon man, the horse I rode in on had nothing to do with it

"I'm halving a baby!" - King Solomon

I finally caved and took my wife spelunking

Russian nesting dolls can be a little hidden miss

Every masseuse has an interesting back story

I’m thinking about becoming a freight inspector- it’s a job that checks all the boxes

Stuffed miss piggy next to a stuffed monkey on a thrift store shelf w the caption ‘What Kermie don’t know won’t hurt him’

Classic from the camera roll

This Italian coffee doesn’t taste right because affogato put in the ice cream

Signed my daughter up for the more formal version: Jamesnastics

I'm having a soup* and sandwich** for lunch

**hot dog
*hot dog water

Read the room, the writing is on the wall

The best thing to drink while ironing is a smoothie

You rarely hear about the dark side of birding, but I knew an ornithologist who became addicted to heron

I have this condition where I blurt out state names and the doctors don’t know Wisconsin it

I have aphantasia and I can’t imagine what it’s like

The most appropriate time to fart is 2:10

Same to you Travis!

“Dad, can we go to the optometrist?!”

“We’ll see”

Why is it called a 'dad-bod' and not a 'father-figure'?

The world is my oyster- I don’t like it and it’s making me sick

Bought a copy of ‘Metamorphosis’, told the cashier to “keep the change” and they grabbed it back

My lumberjack friend got promoted- now they’re in a different axe bracket

Gave myself a tattoo now I’m having trouble separating the art from the artist

*rolling up sleeves* These Catholics want the smoke

Lawyers should always have a snack prepared for long courtroom proceedings- trial mix

May the 4th be with you? That's cute- I can make a Star Wars pun with Bothans died behind my back

I asked my friends what I should feed my pet snake and…

…crickets