ogata's right eye

it was easier, knowing someone was going through the exact same things.
but i forget. i forget she didn't feel about them the same way. i forget she wasn't just my crutch, but was a person of her own.
i forget we argued and fought.
and if she was. really still here. we still would.

"if you spent all your life on something that has died
you are not alive and that can't be your life
love what you can till it dies
and let it fly away"

i wonder what we'd grow up into together.
and i keep seeing this entangled mass of flesh and limbs.
it wasn't healthy. but it was a way to live. and one of us lived, i guess.

i just wish. i could talk to her again. outside of my own head.

it's difficult thinking about this.
i keep thinking about the conflicting ideas about how devoting your life to someone who's dead is a waste of your own life.
and how the only way the dead can live on is if the living remember.

it's our birthday tomorrow.
no matter what i feel... it happened.

tbh.
sometimes i wonder. is she worth survivor's guilt. was she.
that's horrible of me to say about someone who was the only person to hold my hand since i was born.
but i also wonder. is this my life? or is it hers? just because i devoted my life to her and her desires and her memory.

the toxicity of our city...

Frankenstein by Rina Sawayama fucks TOO hard.

i wish i could sew at work when it's quiet...

i need to bring a book to work because the internet is shit and i am gonna die.

in addition to whatever i manage to scrounge up for money, yes.
hopefully it's not as bad as i am expecting, but i think this vacation is gonna be unpaid ☠️

considering im gonna be poor for christmas, i should probably think about making some handmade gifts.
but i am only confident about jewelry, pouches and small clothes alterations with my energy level these days...
i guess everyone is getting a bracelet and a coin purse or whatever.

"Happy Halloween" illustration of two Ravens practicing calligraphy with a feather. One is much more skilled than the other, but both seem to be enjoying themselves!

They're practicing calligraphy! 🐦‍⬛🪶

i still think that same with Art, my main issue is
"I wish that I could give it up
I wish that I could change enough
I wish that I was strong enough
to be yours"

supernatural or metaphysical conspiracies are so unnecessary to me. however "1% screwing you over"... i am seated.

i love conspiracy theories with meat on the bones. like aquino or wtc building 7 or havana syndrome.
you will not stop me from poking my nose into shit and if i mention conspiracies and you say "oh, like flat earth?", i will respect you less or start a two hour lecture (at least) on psy-ops.

HAIRDRESSER POSTPONED, PAIN AND SUFFERING AND MISERY.

HAIR ON NECK HAIR ON EARS HAIR IN EYES HORRIBLE LENGTH TO DO ANYTHING WITH ALL LIMP AND STRINGY AND I NEED THIS OFF MY HEAD STAT.

waiting for my hairdresser to arrive and cut it all OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

god i want to forget ever reading or watching waiting for godot and do this... i need someone to invent a pill that erases very specific memories.

im seeing everyone dying badly every single day, bestie.

snufkin asexual legend

(kiss me on the cheek as i suck out his brain fluid)

i need that man to **** ** ** *** ***** ** * **** *** *** ***** *****

let's be doom besties (seer btw)

BTW WDYM, i've had i bet on losing dogs in my artenvoy playlist /srs /inc

ummmmmmmmmm sowwy......... im so sowwy................ she got me through ogata edits finally..
..................... (also i am in my Sads)

полюби меня за то, что я такой, как ты

it's ironic to long for the times you were your worst self on the deep bottom of existence, just because you weren't bored. were "fun", i guess.
is fun the same as completely dysfunctional though?

it's kinda ironic i became so boring and i hate it, but i became so boring because i got older, got help and quit drugs, so that's actually a good thing?

i think i lost like 3 kilos since september started and i hate this.