Seamus O'Flaugherty

My other gramps drank Jameson so I had a p dilemma.

Yo getting bent is getting bent

lawd you done pissed off the North Carolina Republican with nothing left to lose

This shit is brutal... I try not to judge my parents under today's standards but hell bro I'm a parent and I'd never resort to how they handled me

What's your vibe?

1. cyberpunk vampire
2. boozy bon-vivant
3. exhausted elder goth
4. Muppet on a budget

Since July, more than a dozen pregnant children have been moved to a single facility in the small town of San Benito, along the south Texas border. The children kept in Texas are as young as 13, and about half are pregnant because of rape, according to a joint investigation by the Texas Newsroom and the California Newsroom. In Texas, abortion is banned in nearly all circumstances, including rape and incest.

the phrase “more than a dozen pregnant children” ringing in my ears www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

maybe I'm just an old timer but if you think you need to endanger citizens by bursting through their door with guns out then you should probably be able to explain to a local judge why all that fuss and risk is necessary that's what keeps the locals from fucking with cops

ME: oh, you just let everyone touch you, don’t you? some of us have standards, you know

GRASS:

Trump, suffering from dementia, is confused about where his father was born. It was in the Bronx, not in Germany. Trump's grandfather was an immigrant who came here after getting kicked out of Germany for evading the draft.

reflecting on child abuse as an adult is so weird, to realize your parents never had a beef with you but took it out on you nevertheless

It has come to my attention that my loud coworker is days away from having a nuclear weapon

Making tiny helmets and goggles for my rats so I can send them through the pneumatic tube system at the bank

Everything’s gonna be fine as long as celebrities don’t start singing Imagine

laundromat for dirty dishes

*sensing a single loose hair somewhere on my body* I am superhuman

bats are difficult to throw accurately cuz they start flapping them wings

this year i am going to hit a cadbury egg with a bat

Yes, yes your breasts are splendid but do you interpret Armageddon as a literal event or a symbolic progression of the world toward its inevitable end?

It's so exhausting ❤️

My brain hurts all the time now.

fuck, I’m sorry, I can’t compete with this

person who never heard of bluesky: so what do you do all day
me: im on bluesky
pwnhob: huh?
me: im on bluesky it’s like twitter which is now called “X” or “X, formerly known as twitter” bc c’mon nobody says “X” that’s a dumb name and
pwnhob: jfc stfu i was just being polite i don’t really give a

Welcome to your 50s.
One wrong move and your body files a formal complaint.
Spoiler: there’s no good move.

Some say the canaries still work down there, and on true crime nights with no sitcoms you can hear them cry like the phoenix to say just kidding, laughter

[at a spider wedding]

congratulations to the newlywebs

You got this 👊

If Irans plan is to wage war on all the US allies in the region with drones until the US is forced to make a business decision, I gotta say I've heard of worse tactics to destabilize the region. It's not a bad plan.

Norman Rockwells Freedom of Speech painting

“The will to live is stored in the balls”

broke: the USA is a dom
woke: the USA is a sub
bespoke: the USA is the bratty switch of countries

Getting an abacus tattoo so that you can always count on me.