salem L. void ☿🪽(angel bear)

What if…..and hang in with me here…….i gave up…..

😖🩷

a girl with black hair bangs and ponytails wearing a pink shirt falls into a muddy puddle and says “why me? Darn” and then face plants into the muddy water

another friday morning therapy session complete (I cried the entire hour) (my therapist will be out of office for the next month also)

cPTSD is such a bitch 🥺 what do you mean I have to unpack all the hurts throughout my entire life bc they’ve all chipped away at the integrity of my soul for my entire existence 🥺 dat sux 🥺

emphasis on slightly

white people when a black person is slightly assertive

A large demographic of lgbtqa people have a "you're a feminist aren't you? That means I can punch you." Type of hatred towards trans men. Mind you. "You're not a woman. You're a man. That means you can take it."

went swimming for da first time in many many years today c:
also I love girls c:

so beautiful

She forgot waterproof makeup and setting spray exists

The obvious answer is cunty sunglasses but I can’t see w/o my glasses fr fr

what is a high / hard femme to do with her face on a pool day 😭it’s been 5 years since I’ve been swaming

whatever. bye.

just realizing why I don't really feel anything about the tt ban and yeah it's cause im used to it. Used to the government shrinking my avenues for survival after creating the conditions that force me into this work anyways. very used to it. I make no $ off tt so im just, not bothered bc it has happened to me before and is likely to happen again and the world doesn't stop like this when it happens to sex workers. i have sympathy for ppl who use tt for survival but im bitter that this isn't gonna increase their solidarity with sex workers after being shown blatantly that the government can and will take away their survival means on a whim just like they do to us.

don’t mind me im just publicly processing more proof of the societal abandonment and disposability of sex workers.

I hope that the way this has gone down w itch.io can help ppl understand a little better what kind of constant stress sex workers are under. We’ve been waking up to the government declaring “you can no longer generate income here” on our sites where we work for a long time now.

So many ppl have seen it + acknowledged it but show very little actual solidarity w us. That’s where it counts. Ton of ppl who make NSFW gaming/lit/art that know all this and see it but do not and would not platform sex workers, openly collaborate with us, none of the things that rlly matter.

It sucks that it takes things happening directly to ppl for them to give a shit in any meaningful way. You shouldn’t have to feel my pain to care that it’s happening to me. But if you’re feeling it now, what’s next? Will you see us as the heavily discriminated against workers that we’ve always been?

I don’t know any sw who still has our original ig or twt accounts that we started w. I hardly know anyone of us on less than our 10th account. Bc we have to live. We’ve been going to sleep knowing we can wake up and our work and earnings will be GONE + we’ll be blamed for it, This. Entire. Time.

It’s so hard not to be angry + resentful at folks who are not sex workers who make their income off things now being censored due to the same regulations that have long had our social media accounts suspended for no reason and bank accounts terminated while we’ve been begging anyone but us to care

sex workers have been telling you all that this was going to happen the entire time and you have ignored us. sex workers have been telling you all that this was going to happen the entire time and you have ignored us. sex workers have been telling you all that this was going to happen the entire

an edit of pinkie pie mlp facing away from the viewer sitting by an ocean near a concrete pier

It did not go well but dats ok🩷😔

rlly hope I am listened to!!! rlly hope all my ailments aren’t blamed on my hormones + being fat!!!!! rlly hope I leave with some referrals!!!! rlly hope this isn’t just a big risk to illness for no reason since I’m the only one wearing a mask in a doctors office!!!!!

annual pcp appointment today. pls pls pls wish me luck. pls pls pls send all of your “good provider” energy my way. pls pls pls pls pls🐻🩷

figured out a long time ago that my presence as a Black trans person stops being valuable to the masses when white trans people cant hold a mirror up to me and see their own trans experience or the one they’ve made up for people like me reflected back to them but it still sucks a lot.

sometimes I feel like I am living in an entirely different reality than everyone else.

I SAW THE TV GLOW is a horror movie for more than one reason — it displays the horror of what it is to live a life as a stranger, to live in a constructed truth that is made up of lies, and at the same time parallels what it’s like to live as a Black trans, queer, gender expansive person in a world that forces us to conform to white western hegemony, to remain palatable to white trans, queer, gender expansive society, always to our detriment, to our deaths. The horror of the film is portrayed as resting in the danger of assimilation, of fear based inaction, of a life not truly lived. But through my eyes, the horror I witnessed was largely due to the weight of how realistic it is when Black trans, queer and gender expansive people are left to rot, to beg for help and to apologize for it at every step of the way, just like Owen.

I am unable to remove whiteness from my analysis of why I don’t see Owen as weak for not going with Maddy, as she, even as she takes the dive into terrifying, unknown territory, will retain the privileges and protections that whiteness offers in a white supremacist world. I cannot see I SAW THE TV GLOW, and divorce it from the reality of how often Black trans experience is flattened and erased in favor of white narratives of transition and becoming. I can not see this film and divorce it from the realities of Black trans, queer and gender expansive people living in the suburbs, intentionally alienated from people who might see and identify with and accept them as they are.

a neon lit photo with a green lit van with pink/purple/neon smoke billowing out of it

I wrote about Jane Schoenbrun’s sophomore feature film, I SAW THE TV GLOW and the layers of horror I felt as a Black trans person watching a fictionalized Black trans woman suffer so intimately, why and how this makes the message of “hope” fall flat for me📺💜 — 🔗’s below

impossible. heretical.

I wish more people saw labels as more personal and individual instead of assuming anyone who uses a certain label has the same goals as everyone else they’ve ever known who uses the same label

hot bun

For a lot of people that “special box” is the only one thing that separates them from the oppressive class crushing the most vulnerable of our community. And they absolutely know and fear that.