Dark Shadoan

I've made the official decision to transition.

I am switching from being "Genderfluid" to being "TransWoman", my pronouns will be She/Her from now on and I do plan on transitioning once I get out of my current living situation.

-- several years.

I have a lot of thinking I need to do.

Thanks for reading me vent, if you did.

Ciao.

-- out where I'm going, what I'm going to be; if my identity is what I want it to be, if I'm going to just switch to being a TransWoman, if I'm just going to burn my family and start over, and if I'm going to continue dealing with the mental and verbal abuse I have been dealing with for the last --

-- and just start over in some other state or country. I'm not okay. I'm not happy. I'm not content. I'm just existing, just surviving.

And at times it feels like the only people who legitimately care are people who listen to me all the time.

The next few weeks will be dedicated to figuring --

-- ever enough.

Last night was the one time in a long time where I've actively thought about just purging my entire friends list and just starting over.

Debating if going homeless and living in a homeless shelter is worth it for my own peace of mind. Or if I should just burn everything --

-- ostrasized from reality, making me question certain friendships I have, and debating whether or not I should just completely isolate myself from everyone and just hide away for several months.

Despite everything I've done, been trying to do, or aspiring to do it feels like nothing I do is --

Not gonna lie, I seriously have not been feeling okay lately.

Between being disrespected by people I thought were friends, feeling like I have to dance on eggshells or landmines whenever I talk to someone, and the abject failure of my twitch streaming career has left me feeling completely --

Give me a poke over discord with details if you need my help! Am interested in helping.

Donate to a family in need of temporary assistance, organized by Kayleb Garbs Hello, I'm Kayleb Garbs. I'm an elder brother who is currently keeping a roof ov… Kayleb Garbs needs your support for a family in need of temporary assistance

One of my best friends is in dire need of support and is risking losing everything because of the stupid government of Texas just being a regular bunch of slack-jawed dimwitted lethargic morons.

gofund.me/d5cc12d2

Apparently can't edit my posts here. So I'll put it here since I forgot to add it afterwards but #PapaBarks2025 !

Let's get 'er goin' with Papa Barks!

I am afraid I have absolutely terrible news. I need a lot of help now, from everyone. I currently have NO CLEARED DONOR for transplant and we only have a short period of time to get this done. Please SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE AND PLEASE TRY TO DONATE!
All the information is at iggyland.org

YouTube video by The Fat Files How To Become An Electrician - Trade School Is A Scam

There's a reason why I love watching this guy on YouTube. Spits straight up facts on these trade schools.

youtu.be/WYJDBDZURro?...

I'd rather take a chance and fail, than not try at all and just feel like my entire life passed me by without me ever trying to take charge of it.

And I legitimately do not think I will ever truly feel freedom until my Dad passes on.

Just stupid old person thoughts, I guess.

I want to go out, explore.
I want to go and try and make a go of it on my fucking own.

Nobody in my family is supportive of this.

They'd rather I stay in the same place, in the same cage, and just do the same dull shit day after day...

Birthday is in 2 days...

Should be happy, but I'm getting up there in age. And the FOMO of age is starting to hit in. Feeling like I missed out on a lot of things in my life and I kind of want to get out there and actually DO shit.

Can't right now because of family.

About to say 'fuck the family'

Also I received an email from my workplace about 4-5 days after they sent the original email, and were able to find additional funding so my job is secure--for now, at least.

Fuck this current government administration.

I've seen headless chickens act in a more organized manner than this nonsense.

Considering my friends keep falling the scams and getting hacked on discord...

DO NOT CLICK ON ANY LINKS you receive from anyone or see in channels--ESPECIALLY if they claim its a Free ANYTHING. Game, money, cards, whatever. Ignore them all.

They're all phishing scams.

Considering what Zuckerburg just did for his 'content changes' where he is completely going full-on hate-speech against anyone that isn't straight or cis?

Whatever chances I had of thinking about getting a Quest 3 or Quest Pro?

Poof. Gone. I'm not going to support someone who hates on identity.

<-- money that the reason I'm losing my job?

Is because of Donald Trumpfucker and Elon Muskrat. DOGE likely gutted the DDD and they cut my boss' off at the same fucking time.

2025 is shaping out to be the worst year of my life so far. Fuck it all. *

<-- editing videos to be extremely relaxing and something I vastly enjoy doing. I was planning on getting After Effects so I could learn even more tricks of the trade, but, honestly?

I need stable income. Not a hobby. So that dream is dead in the water until further notice.

I'm willing to bet -->

<-- Failing that? I'm going to try and just get a job at a corner store, gas station or liquor store.

If those end up as failures, I'll either go into retail (grocery) or fast food again.

The career path I WANT to take is that I have aspirations of being a video editor as I find the process of -->

<-- other things going forwards.

I can't even pay my dad what he wants for rent. I have to literally take every single center of my income and pool it because that money is ALL I'm getting until I can find another job.

I have options. I'm going to try and land a job at Geek Squad first. -->

<-- because I want to pursue other avenues of employment.

So, as of the end of this april, I will be terminating any and all subscriptions I have to non-essential programs.

This includes Twitch subscriptions, MMO subscriptions minus simply FF14, and it will mean I will be terminating alot of -->

<-- Above my employer is a government agency called the "DDD" or D.D.D. They essentially are the ones who ensure I get paid. They cut all support and funding for my employers, who have been loyal to me for literally almost 15 fucking years.

And I have no intention of becoming a caregiver again -->

Had a blast in the stream today. Had so much fun hanging out with @thomasdoebi.bsky.social but when I checked my email...

...I'm going to be unemployed at the end of the month. As most folks who know me knows, I work as a Caregiver for my younger brother, who is special needs. -->

After spending around almost 12 hours working on my Nebula the Foxigen avatar--the entire project BROKE because I tried to optimize the fucking thing.

Love the avatar, but holy jesus fucking christ is this thing a piece of shit to optimize.

Now I have to nuke it and start over.

New Protogen look.