Dan Bain

My first full standup special is live on YouTube today and I am both horrified at the possibility of being observed, and worried that no one will. Got myself a real Schrödinger going on.

Uh-oh it’s late. Is this the good daylight saving or am I fucked for tomorrow?

Good. They did not communicate that information any further.

Did you take the sound design job?

I would love to enjoy this platform but boy is it just sadness followed by ironic sadness followed by genuine sadness followed by wow, did you hear about this sad thing.

This may be a problem more specific to men.

I recorded a couple of new episodes of my podfaded show about the Xmen Animated series and honestly how does anyone ever hang out with their friends if they ain’t making a thing together?

I shouldn’t laugh but a stock image search for ‘drama class’ presented me mostly with images of sad children holding ‘no bullying’ and ‘I’m a person too’ signs. 🤭🫠

Hey this is fun, so much David Lynch on the internet today, what a— oh no. 😞

Best scene tbh.

Good morning from me, noodle asshole.

I ordered the seafood sampler platter instead of a burger because I wanted to seem like a grown up but now I have a sore tummy and have to go do an hour of standup. #toomanyscallops #idontevenlikemussels

This my murder train show

Did premier house maybe test positive for meth?

$52k house rebate divide by weekly shop ($60) = Luxon house pays his dinner for 16 years. Bootstraps.

So embarrassed to be subject to capitalism right now.

Did I make some ridiculous limited edition digital prints of my nonsense illustrations? This grid of items suggests so.

Super excited at the new govt and the opportunity to be trickled down on.
My mouth is open like a hungry baby bird.

Reckon I’ll probably just vote in the next election in 6 weeks that’s unprecedented but totally going to happen apparently

Me: This will be the platform I finally create value for followers on.
Also me: I have gig.

Toastmasters giving people too much confidence. Imagine being 6 weeks into a toastmasters course and going to a 20 year veteran of the form “uhhh, you play with the mic stand” you thing this isn’t a deliberate technique to lower my status after insulting the crowd?? Too. Much. Confidence.

My 6 minutes is 10 minutes. This is a problem.

No more marketing partners.
More marketing panthers.

Tables save lives in earthquakes. That’s why I believe in guardian angles.