@author-evan-witmer.bsky.social
Author of Pages from the Pizza Crows, Digest: 10 Short Stories by Convicted & Plausible People-Eaters, and How To Burn This Book. Soon the be author of Tall People—a novel about the social lives of anthropomorphic kaiju. https://linktr.ee/Authorevanwitmer
Honestly?
My balls.
Love ur friends. It’s the best thing u ever did
06.09.2025 05:54 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Man I hope Joker in the Gunn universe actually does #clownshit I want him to throw pies. Squirt shit. Drive a tiny car.
#dcu #batman
Would the Eunuch Maker reattach my balls to my neck? Or would that be “too far.” #truecrime
19.08.2025 01:28 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Are juggalos canon in the Robocop mythos? #juggalos #robocop
03.08.2025 03:05 — 👍 2 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0I’ve learned about #labubu raves and i got pancreatic cancer instantly
28.07.2025 03:54 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Any plans to release Sea Span from the N64 version of Gex 2 in a final update?
20.06.2025 05:22 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Check out my #booktrailer for the 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Central Canadian Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition
#bookish
I need AC. I’m not Europeein
19.05.2025 13:58 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Take a moment to enjoy a pig video today. Your heart will thank you for it 🐷
18.05.2025 23:53 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Hope everyone is having a good day :) sick today, might be allergies
17.05.2025 22:36 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Howdy (dowdy doo)
08.05.2025 02:54 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Geg #meme
05.05.2025 15:30 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0They made the Predator hot and now everyone is angry. #predator #alien #movietrailer
01.05.2025 16:01 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Got a cease and desist from #wutangclan Kind of surprised. Thought it’d come from #sega
23.04.2025 18:19 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I’ve got a new collection I’m handing out as an ARC if you’re interested?
23.04.2025 17:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0The heatlamps is what makes it good
23.04.2025 00:03 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Cool authors don’t follow the rules. “Not for resale.” Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me? #bookish #authors #writingtips #selfpublishingjourney #kdpamazon
22.04.2025 14:37 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Happy #easter everyone! I won the local #egghunt
19.04.2025 17:41 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Convincing you to read my book based on the first word. #bookish #booktrend
16.04.2025 22:21 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Hi, are u interested in being an #ARC #reader for my new book? The 2025 Genevieve Crumbley Sharpshooting & Short Story Competition
15.04.2025 17:00 — 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0I hate when dating apps make my friends sad. Literally the coldest, most vapid contest on earth making genuinely golden people feel passed on.
13.04.2025 03:07 — 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Looking for new beta readers for a story about left-handed people in a world that doesn’t like them. #arc #betareader #bookish #lefthanded
08.04.2025 14:24 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Hired a model to pose with my book. Asked if she’d wear a funny hat and she didn’t disappoint. #bookish #books #bookphotography #model
Tall People is my new novel about anthropomorphic kaiju Millennials trying to find love, friendship, and tolerable careers in NYC.
#Unboxing my new #kaiju #kitty .
#kraken #gashapon
Oh Bon Iver, you sad Winter man.
01.04.2025 01:46 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0Got my new flag hung up next to its brother. Can’t we’ll all just:
COEXIST
✝️🥤🍍
#coexist #flag #peace #pepsi #christians #love #vexillology
I made a karaoke version of my song I Went to Zoo (And Got Me a Bitch) so now you can request to sing at your local Barstool Karaoke. #music #karaoke #funny #song
26.03.2025 23:44 — 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
Made a cool #shortstory about a #dragqueen whose drag persona is split from their pedestrian personality after drinking a magic drink… trouble ensues. Check it out in Afterpast Review: @theafterpastreview
#published #authorlife #bookish
My book got used to train Meta AI against my will. Given the themes of cannibalism, it seems to have screwed up its answers though. #book #ai #cannibal #litgen
22.03.2025 22:10 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
