things overheard at elementary school

teacher: "who can name the seasons?"
student: "THANKSGIVING!!!!"

me: "please don't eat the sharpied grape."
student: "but won't it give me quadruple super powers?"

me: "The Mexican flag has a snake that represents Mexico's enemies."
student: "When can we FIGHT?!"

"Math in the United States is not the most rational subject."

"let me tell you about all of my pets. first I had a parrot. then a worm. then a bunny. then a cat. then a caterpillar. the caterpillar and the worm are dead."

4th grader, Moroccan, spoken with a French accent, lamenting about the sugar content in breakfasts: "Americans only like salt and sugar. Do you not like sour?! BRO."

me: "what do you like to do at recess?"
student: "we like to go on a mission... to find... A ONION!"
other student: "yeah, for our sushi restaurant!"

Teacher: “When I send you off, you’re going to…”
Student, under their breath: “Pee yourself. In your pants.”

student taking a math test this morning: "no one will know if you give me the answers..." me: "you're right, but I have integrity." student: "awww man, I thought that would work!"

this was supposed to be an essay
turned into accidental poetry

"Who can tell me what kidnapping means?"
"It's when you get TOOKEN!"

8 yo posing as an 80 yo: "MAN, I love McDonald's apple pies. And if you get a coffee to go with it, dip it in a little, perfect."

"I need my natural liquid."
"It's called WATER."

(9yo to 9yo, no adults in the hallway) "ANNA! Go back, try again. You were running the whole hallway. Literally."

"We're not friends anymore. We're BFFs!"

"How am I supposed to find the missing digits? This is BALONEY."

Yet another day of testing.

"what does luxury mean?"
"it means closed windows and lights and everything."

“It feels like everything you want your life to be.”
“It’s so crisp!”
“This is like a dream.”
- Re: new white board erasers. It doesn’t take much, folks.

2nd graders are visiting our 3-5 school today, 3rd graders give them tours!
overheard a teacher in the hallway:
"did you show them the treehouse?! it's next to the drinking fountain with fresh lemonade, and around the corner from the room full of puppies!"
some gullible kids gon be disappointed

Right here! ❤️

"I don't like bananas because they are too normal."

"we're making it fun, but with boundaries."

"she got new shoes for a play! they smell like my grandma's plastic."

Ramadan Mubarak!

student: "fasting is easy! you just have to think about animals instead of food."
other student: "no! if I think of a cow, I want to eat a cow."

third graders: "we already went to college!"
me: "oh! what was your major?"
third graders: "umm... driving a car!"

what is happening.

"You got cooked to the heavens."